Julie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 (edited) My name is Julie im 18 years old and im from a small town in southern France, i moved to Paris in late April with my older sister, her husband and kids. Well to make things short, i meet this extremly sweet and nice man. it all start with a nice talk, he actually started going a lot to the supermarket i work in, i ended up giving him my telephone number, he called, we arranged to see eachother, he took me to a dinner, we kissed, we talked, everything was perfect. The month passed, he was(well he's still is) the reason why woke up every morning. But 2 days before Christmas eve, he told me that he's married, we've been together for 8 months and he lied to me all this time, i didnt knew what to do, i told him to leave and that i need to think and some space for myself, on Christmas eve he called me, that he needed to see me and i agreed, he talked to me and told me that he told his wife about me and that they're divorcing. So i guess i belong here dont i? Oh yes so sorry for my english give me some credit im from a itty bity town in france;) Edited December 29, 2007 by Julie89 grammar problems =)
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Aww, you're so young! At 18 years old you shouldn't be in this situation! It's sh*tty that he has lied to you and made you think he is was single and available. Stop seeing him. End it and walk away. IF by chance he is divorcing his wife, let it be because their marriage isn't working out and he isn't leaving his wife (does he have children too?) and family for you. Again, you're so young to be wrapped up in a mess like this, so please, have respect for yourself, let him go...Keep in mind he is a liar, a cheater and you deserve better! He isn't capable of ever giving that to you.
Author Julie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 Aww, you're so young! At 18 years old you shouldn't be in this situation! It's sh*tty that he has lied to you and made you think he is was single and available. Stop seeing him. End it and walk away. IF by chance he is divorcing his wife, let it be because their marriage isn't working out and he isn't leaving his wife (does he have children too?) and family for you. Again, you're so young to be wrapped up in a mess like this, so please, have respect for yourself, let him go...Keep in mind he is a liar, a cheater and you deserve better! He isn't capable of ever giving that to you. Thanks for your reply whichwayisupits(long!!!) The thing here is, i cant leave him, i just cant i tried to think and tell him that he was over, but i just cant do it. I love him i truly love him. I asked him(a day after he told me) if he loved me he didnt even let me finish the sentence, he told me that yes he loved me and that being with me he realised he never loved his wife. After he told me he continue to call me and tell me he was sorry, that he knew if i knew he was married i will never agreed to be with him if i knew, that he've been unhappy most of his marriage. He has 2 identical twin girls(they're 16) and as it seems they dont give a crap if hes there or not. His wife and him have been having trouble since the beginning but decided to continue for the kids. Now he told me he realised that he doesnt have the responsability with them and that he wants to be with me. And as i said before i cant leave him, it hurts i cant imagine myself without him know...
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 But, do you expect his wife to leave him then? She is the one who is married to him, they have a history together. I'm sure she loves him as well...So, just keep in mind that she isn't just going to hand over her husband to you because you love and want him. They have a bond which will last forever - Their kids. Also, ANY man who can walk away from his own daughters, even at the age of 16 (Hello, you're two years older than his own daughters) is no man worth loving. Yuck. Hate to say it again, but you're so young to be dealing with this stuff. YOu have no idea what is going to hit you in the near future if you choose to stay with him. DO you think your parents, friends and other family members will support you, accept him into your life? Another thing, you have no real proof that what he is telling you is true. FACT that he lied to you for 8 months, shows that he is a liar!!! HE is the adult in this situation, he's been around the block afew times and you haven't. (I don't mean to imply that you're not experienced, but I think you know what I'm saying.) Staying with him, you'll have some really bad hurts, ones that could scar you forever. If you leave now while you still can, with the help of counselling, friends, posting here, you will be a stronger and wiser woman by walking away. This man (even though he's inappropriately made it seem like he is available) isn't yours for taking. He is married and has kids.
Lizzie60 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Thanks for your reply whichwayisupits(long!!!) The thing here is, i cant leave him, i just cant i tried to think and tell him that he was over, but i just cant do it. I love him i truly love him. I asked him(a day after he told me) if he loved me he didnt even let me finish the sentence, he told me that yes he loved me and that being with me he realised he never loved his wife. After he told me he continue to call me and tell me he was sorry, that he knew if i knew he was married i will never agreed to be with him if i knew, that he've been unhappy most of his marriage. He has 2 identical twin girls(they're 16) and as it seems they dont give a crap if hes there or not. His wife and him have been having trouble since the beginning but decided to continue for the kids. Now he told me he realised that he doesnt have the responsability with them and that he wants to be with me. And as i said before i cant leave him, it hurts i cant imagine myself without him know... Umm... he is stringing you along... he doesn't love you... he loves to 'f*ck' you... biiiiiggg difference. They all say the same thing.. of course if you ask him if he loves you.. he's not going to say : 'No.. I only want to get into your pants'... He could be your father... he has kids your age... If you think he's going to leave his family for you... my dear.. you're in for the ride of your life... Kick him now.. because it will only hurt much more if you wait.
Author Julie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 im still a virgin, why do everybody assumes that we're having sex??? i dont know and im not assuming that hes wife will leave him. my parents are dead,my siblings dont give a crap about me and im living with the only sister that does, i dont have many friends and i think they shouldnt care about my decisions... But i cant leave him i, just love him and, i talked with my sister about it, she says i should leave him but i just cant:lmao:
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 So is he kind of like a father figure to you? Sorry about your parents... Your sister is your family and what she thinks IS important. She is going to be the one who is going to hug you, support you when this affair blows up in your face. One day his wife might figure it out. Are you prepared to face her? Why can't you leave him. Give me 10 reasons why you want to ruin your life.
mydreams Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Bonjour Julie! I understand that you feel very attached to this man, but you need to think about the big picture. you are only 2 years older than his daugthers. Can you see yourself having a "love story" with your own father (this is an image of course)?? You need to take the time to find yourself, to find what who you really want to be. Paris is a big city and it is normal to feel "lost" if you come from a small town but why not try to find an activity that would allow you to meet boys your age, why not try to go out to a few clubs. 18 is young, you don't say if you're still going to school or not, but aActually my best advise would be switch jobs and go work for EuroDisney, you will find lost of young people, make friends, party and find plenty of new things to do. Bonne Chance et bon courage ma Belle.
Author Julie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 No, he's 39 years old... His wife knows about me and yes im prepared to face her, as weird as it sounds. I dont know... i just cant go to him and tell him that its over.
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 What do you mean his wife knows about you? I take it there's alot more to this story... Why can't you tell him it's over? If you want to date him, then tell him to call you when he is divorced. Let him show you divorce papers, signed by him and her, for proof. Until then, stay away from him. Staying with him will only mess you up! Again, HE is the adult here, he knows better.
Author Julie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 (edited) Bonjour Julie! I understand that you feel very attached to this man, but you need to think about the big picture. you are only 2 years older than his daugthers. Can you see yourself having a "love story" with your own father (this is an image of course)?? You need to take the time to find yourself, to find what who you really want to be. Paris is a big city and it is normal to feel "lost" if you come from a small town but why not try to find an activity that would allow you to meet boys your age, why not try to go out to a few clubs. 18 is young, you don't say if you're still going to school or not, but aActually my best advise would be switch jobs and go work for EuroDisney, you will find lost of young people, make friends, party and find plenty of new things to do. Bonne Chance et bon courage ma Belle. Bonjour... I dont feel like im having a "love story" with my dad, he was 76 when he died so no. Because im not that kind of a girl, i dont like to party, i dont like to be with people my age, i was raised around adults, my parents where older when they had me so i was raised pretty much on the"old fashion" im going studying to be a teacher for special needs children, i dont want to switch job, im pretty comfortale there, nice people, good paying. thanks for you advice, sorry that i dont answer in french im practicing english and i find the internet an excellent way to do it:) Yes he told his wife he was having an affair, of course who is going to believe the p art that we're not having sex???? He told me he had a surprise for me tommorow(well today) so ive been praying taht is something good(hes not the type of present all the time guy) Edited December 29, 2007 by Julie89
mydreams Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Bonjour... I dont feel like im having a "love story" with my dad, he was 76 when he died so no. Because im not that kind of a girl, i dont like to party, i dont like to be with people my age, i was raised around adults, my parents where older when they had me so i was raised pretty much on the"old fashion" im going studying to be a teacher for special needs children, i dont want to switch job, im pretty comfortale there, nice people, good paying. thanks for you advice, sorry that i dont answer in french im practicing english and i find the internet an excellent way to do it:) Are you ready to be the "step-mother" to his girls that are just a few years younger than you, this means being the one guiding them. You have to look at all the sides and aspects of what your relationship will involve. I think whichwayisup is right about you giving a list of reasons that of why you can't leave him and what does he brings you. I understand that your parents were older, but you still need to thing about the fact that he is of the age to be your father. Can you see what your life will be like once you finish your education and you are ready to have your own children. And yes I am assuming you will want to have children since you are going towards a career in education. At the best follow whichwayisup's advice to stay away until you have proof of him being divorced. Divorce can become pretty ugly and you should not be in the middle of that.
imstunned Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Hello. After 8 months I too found out the man I had fallen in love with was married and had 2 children. Then shortly afterwards his wife found out about me. He then dumped me like a piece of trash, without a second thought!! My guy Lied about everything to enable him to have an affair with me. Sounds like your guy did the same. Why do you believe a word he says about everything when he lied to you for 8 months? Be very careful. I am a 34 years old and have experience of many relationships - good and bad -under my belt. . . but my experience with my ex married man has changed me. I havent been able to bounce back from it at all. You are very young to go through such an experience. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Have a look through the posts of others on these boards. Have a browse through the pain and anguish thats awash here. It may put you off continuing to be involved with a MM.
child_of_isis Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 (edited) This guy is a predator... Dating a girl 2 years older than his children. I don't think he has told his wife. I can't even imagine him admitting such a thing. She will destroy him. Somebody should. I really think you should sit down with your sister and her husband and tell them what is going on. being with me he realised he never loved his wife. After he told me he continue to call me and tell me he was sorry, that he knew if i knew he was married i will never agreed to be with him if i knew, that he've been unhappy most of his marriage. He has 2 identical twin girls(they're 16) and as it seems they dont give a crap if hes there or not. His wife and him have been having trouble since the beginning but decided to continue for the kids. Now he told me he realised that he doesnt have the responsability with them and that he wants to be with me. Edited December 29, 2007 by child_of_isis
marlena Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Julie, If I could, I would abduct you and take you hundreds of miles away from this poor excuse of a human being. Marlena
bish Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 My name is Julie im 18 years old and im from a small town in southern France, i moved to Paris in late April with my older sister, her husband and kids. Well to make things short, i meet this extremly sweet and nice man. it all start with a nice talk, he actually started going a lot to the supermarket i work in, i ended up giving him my telephone number, he called, we arranged to see eachother, he took me to a dinner, we kissed, we talked, everything was perfect. The month passed, he was(well he's still is) the reason why woke up every morning. But 2 days before Christmas eve, he told me that he's married, we've been together for 8 months and he lied to me all this time, i didnt knew what to do, i told him to leave and that i need to think and some space for myself, on Christmas eve he called me, that he needed to see me and i agreed, he talked to me and told me that he told his wife about me and that they're divorcing. So i guess i belong here dont i? Oh yes so sorry for my english give me some credit im from a itty bity town in france;) Well if what you say is true...he lied to you...you are the OW unknowingly. Not only that, he is a cheater....so he aint too damn sweet and nice after all. The fact that he is a cheater alone should help you boot his as$$ out the door. But I have a curiosity question...you went 8 months not knowing he was married. How does that happen? In 8 months you never asked to go to "his place"? Where did you hang out? If he avoided going back to his place...didn't you find that odd?
Lizzie60 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Julie... listen to us... I am an OW.. so it's not like we're trying to talk you out of it because we're married... This doesn't make sense... This guy is a liar... I'm sure he hasn't told his wife about you... but he told you he did... He will tell you whatever is needed to keep you around until he has his way with you... He is the adult and he knows very well... that he's not 'in love' with you... but he is manipulating you like a puppet... You might not have had sex yet... but it's not far... he will eventually want sex otherwise he will leave you... just try it... stay virgin... let's say for a year and see if he stays around... he won't. I am French too.. and you're doing pretty good with your English. From what I read here... no matter what we advise you... you keep saying that you can't leave him... and I know you won't... so all I can say is good luck... be careful... and I know I will eventually say : Ohhhh Julie... I'm sooo sorry for your heartbreak... Julie, crois-moi, cet homme n'est pas pour toi. You remind me of me when I started with my MM when I was 15.. he was 26. I felt, for the first time in my life, that a MAN was paying attention to me... what a nice feeling... I wasn't invisible anymore... I had my parents but it was just as if I didn't have any... he was my first sexual experience... and he always told me that it was something special to have a virgin... some men think an hymen is like a trophy. Anyway... I know you won't listen to us... so good luck... ma p'tite Julie.
marlena Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Lizzie, You are right. Nothing we say is going to stop her. She will just have to make her own mistakes like we all did I suppose. It's a shame wisdom comes a little too late in life. Marlena
child_of_isis Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Julie: One does not become a "woman" just because she has reached legal age. My daughter is 20 and I consider her a young adult...by no means is she a "woman". No offense, but by the very fact that you consider yourself in love with someone who is old enough to be your father, shows me that you still have the young adult mentality. Your thought process is still immature (as it should be)....and I am also taking into consideration that you may be a bit more mature than some 18 year olds. You need to talk to your sister and her H as quickly as possible. You need protection. This guy is a sexual predator. I know you don't believe me, but this is how they operate. They target young lonely vulnerable girls. They tell them crap and convince them they are in love. You really don't know where this could lead you. Girls your age disappear everyday. Some into the sex slave industry, some into rivers. Do you actually think that this MM is going to allow an 18 year old to stand with his W and 16 year olds and tell them that he had sex with you? Do you see the absurdity of this and the dangerous position that you are in? Like I said...I have a 20 year old. She is so tiny, sweet, kind, shy, trusting. I keep an eye on her for crap like this...ya wanna know why? Because at age 21, I was the same...and barely escaped an underground sex ring heading straight to overseas.
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 It's a shame wisdom comes a little too late in life. Even if she was 30 and had afew other experiences in life, I think she'd still be feeling the way she is now. Unforunately nothing anyone says will deflect her feelings away for the MM, let alone make her walk away.
marlena Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 WWIU, Yes, you are right of course. Still, there is much to be said about wisdom that comes with age and experience. I should think that most women who have been in a relationship with a MM and are now mercifully out of it would never fall for the same trick again. Because 9 times out of 10, that's what it is .. a trick .. a travesty of a relationship. Like you said, there's little to nothing we can do to dissuade this young girl from tumbling down that hell hole. A shame someone so young has to experience such deception of the heart.
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Oh definately. She would be stronger and maybe not trust this guy as much as she seems to now, she would atleast take what we all are saying into consideration and know that any choices she makes once knowing the truth about MM, would be hers to own and be accountable for.
marlena Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Yes, accountability is an important factor here. She can not be accountable for her actions 100% as she is only 18 and emotionally unequipped to deal with the ramifications of complicated situations of this kind. This makes this man's gross exploitation of a young vigin of 18 even more abominable. I think that if I could I would wring this swine's neck!
imstunned Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I wish I could see my won situation as clearly as I can see the scumbag in this one!! Please OP what ever you do dont feel that we are ganging up on you. We all just want for you to see what we can see and not to be hurt at the end of it. Please keep posting.
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