Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 I feel like you will have problems with this guy! Of course we will. Every relationship has its ups and downs. But if the occasional bad mood is the worst I'll experience, it's a done deal. I'll take him. I just gotta figure out how to not be all butt-hurt when he's in a mood.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Thats easy hon, just stop being so butt-hurt when he is in a mood! Accept that that is how he is and just dont allow yourself to be so hurt!
johan Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I agree, Star. But you're still a bit sensitive. There's really only one thing that he should do that leaves you feeling all butt-hurt.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 If you like being with a moody man then thats cool, if not then you have a problem!
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I agree, Star. But you're still a bit sensitive. There's really only one thing that he should do that leaves you feeling all butt-hurt. :lmao::lmao:
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 So you won't see him till NYE. That's like 3 days away. Star, maybe afew days apart will do you both good. You guys need to miss eachother, then when NYE comes, both of you will have tons to talk about it and his mood will be in the past.
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 I agree, Star. But you're still a bit sensitive. There's really only one thing that he should do that leaves you feeling all butt-hurt. :lmao: But, but...I'm a butt-virgin.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 So you won't see him till NYE. That's like 3 days away. Star, maybe afew days apart will do you both good. You guys need to miss eachother, then when NYE comes, both of you will have tons to talk about it and his mood will be in the past. Until the next mood! I know what I am talking about as I lived it! It took me 18 months to realise that i would not put up with it anymore!
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Of course we will. Every relationship has its ups and downs. But if the occasional bad mood is the worst I'll experience, it's a done deal. I'll take him. I just gotta figure out how to not be all butt-hurt when he's in a mood. His bad moods are just that. Bad moods. I mean 14 years with my H, trust me, we've both figured out how to deal with eachothers pissy moods! If he or I took it personally, we wouldn't be together now. The key is, communication and knowing when those moods hit, to keep yourself busy with other things and give him some space.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 His bad moods are just that. Bad moods. I mean 14 years with my H, trust me, we've both figured out how to deal with eachothers pissy moods! If he or I took it personally, we wouldn't be together now. The key is, communication and knowing when those moods hit, to keep yourself busy with other things and give him some space. Should it be like this whilst still in the honeymoon period?
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Until the next mood! I know what I am talking about as I lived it! It took me 18 months to realise that i would not put up with it anymore! I agree, I mean if SG's bf has mood swings and he lets stress and work problems ruin his day and he's in those bad moods alot, then she needs to think about the relationship and how things will later in the future. If we're talking like one mood every few weeks, then that's pretty normal. (I think?) I guess it's different for everyone, what their threshold is and how much they can put up with.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Oh please dont get me wrong here I would love to see Star happy, I am not raining on her parade I just see more to this and I think star does too!
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Should it be like this whilst still in the honeymoon period? Am I missing something here? Is SG's bf always in bad moods? Has this been a continual thing? I think the other factors of their relationship have more to do with this too, and that is what is making it worse for her.
oppath Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 It's also possible that his current environment is so stressful his moodiness is not indicative of his true self. I know the odds of that are low, maybe 1-in-3, but it is possible, and that when his current environment changes things will be different. I've made some big environment changes in the past and my mood was different immediately, and that change was PERMANENT, all because of my change in environment. I think the relationship is too young to abandon for this and SG's first response should be "what can I do to cope? Can I simply say 'I will not care?' and do my own thing." Control yourself first.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Am I missing something here? Is SG's bf always in bad moods? Has this been a continual thing? I think the other factors of their relationship have more to do with this too, and that is what is making it worse for her. Exactly! Should there be so many doubts so soon into the relationsip?
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 It's also possible that his current environment is so stressful his moodiness is not indicative of his true self. I know the odds of that are low, maybe 1-in-3, but it is possible, and that when his current environment changes things will be different. I've made some big environment changes in the past and my mood was different immediately, and that change was PERMANENT, all because of my change in environment. I think the relationship is too young to abandon for this and SG's first response should be "what can I do to cope? Can I simply say 'I will not care?' and do my own thing." Control yourself first. I personally think different! I feel that the relationship is so young that Star should be wondering how it may be in the future! and could and should she be dealing with this?
oppath Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Exactly! Should there be so many doubts so soon into the relationsip? But most -- nearly all -- of the doubts are because he is ending his military police job and looking for new employment. Timing and environment are convoluted with his/her personality differences in this one and they can't simply be decoupled. What he is going through is stressful and is a challenge to a relationship. That may mean it isn't the right time for SG because it is not fair to her, but it also may mean with some patience and assertiveness, it can work.
oppath Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I personally think different! I feel that the relationship is so young that Star should be wondering how it may be in the future! and could and should she be dealing with this? I'm not saying she shouldn't consider that, just that one can't presume it's all him and he is always like that. Personally, I think she should just say "I have a few other things I'd like to do if you may be late. How about we plan on 10 since you don't know what time you'll be ready. I'll go run a few errands. Call me if you get done more soon than that and if I can drop what I'm doing, we'll meet up." SG has a roommate I believe, or no? If no, she could say "I'll leave my key under the mat, let yourself in if you get there before then."
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Be honest,should you be so patient and assertive in the beginning of a new relationship? What I am saying is that at the beginning is when you make most effort. I think he is showing a watered down version of how he really is! How will he be when he changes job and is even more unsure?
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I'm not saying she shouldn't consider that, just that one can't presume it's all him and he is always like that. Personally, I think she should just say "I have a few other things I'd like to do if you may be late. How about we plan on 10 since you don't know what time you'll be ready. I'll go run a few errands. Call me if you get done more soon than that and if I can drop what I'm doing, we'll meet up." SG has a roommate I believe, or no? If no, she could say "I'll leave my key under the mat, let yourself in if you get there before then." What if it does not suit her to rearrange her plans to suit him? will he get moodier and more narky? Should she be so passive? I dont think (IMHO) that she should as this could cause further problems!
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 He isn't sure about the long distance part of the relationship when he moves away. Or if they're going to still be together, try out the LDR, or end it, or will she move with him. He did ask for space to figure it out a while back, but things seemed to picked back up again and they're spending more time together, squeezing in as much time together as possible before he leaves...This could be one of the stressors too. I dunno.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 BTW star if I am being out of line hon then just tell me and I will unsubscribe from this thread as I would not wish to make you feel horrible!
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Should she be so passive? I don't think she's being passive, I think she's very very emotionally attached and her feelings are on her sleeve, so any little thing, the wrong look her way, or something said in the wrong tone will make her wonder and get abit upset.
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 He isn't sure about the long distance part of the relationship when he moves away. Or if they're going to still be together, try out the LDR, or end it, or will she move with him. He did ask for space to figure it out a while back, but things seemed to picked back up again and they're spending more time together, squeezing in as much time together as possible before he leaves...This could be one of the stressors too. I dunno. That could have hit the nail on the head! It seems he is over stressed and maybe there is more to it on his side!
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 Lishy - I think you're completely misunderstanding the point of this thread. I'm not saying BF's bad mood casts doubts on our relationship, you are. I'm simply saying he DOES get in situationally-created bad moods (of which the 'situation' will change in two weeks) and I need some sort of coping mechanism to deal with them so I don't get all bent out of shape over it. WWIU - BF didn't ask for "space" to figure things out. He asked for one day of space so that he could get a ton of inconvenient work-related errands done and to have a single day of "me time." But yes, we've since worked through a lot of that and have been spending just as much time together as ever before...it's all the same, a little stronger day by day.
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