Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Of course, SG, you know my attitude. Plenty of fish... I know, I know, you love him but sometimes we love unwisely, those who can't appreciate what they have until they've lost it.
Touche Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Of course, SG, you know my attitude. Plenty of fish... I know, I know, you love him but sometimes we love unwisely, those who can't appreciate what they have until they've lost it. Couldn't agree more. That's my attitude but I was trying to tailor my advice to SG, knowing a little bit about her. But really, you're right. I mean I don't know that I'd want to have someone who wants me only after they realize what they've lost. I see your point. Still though, for some people that's what it takes. That's why I said that they're not at the same stage in life. SG knows what she wants. B/F seems like he doesn't know.
Nemo Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 sometimes we love unwisely, those who can't appreciate what they have until they've lost it. That is one of LS's all-time most quotable quotes. That's as profound a statement as they come.
Pyro Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 That is one of LS's all-time most quotable quotes. That's as profound a statement as they come. My signiature ranks up there as well. Wouldn't you agree Nemo?
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Couldn't agree more. That's my attitude but I was trying to tailor my advice to SG, knowing a little bit about her. But really, you're right. I mean I don't know that I'd want to have someone who wants me only after they realize what they've lost. I see your point. Still though, for some people that's what it takes. That's why I said that they're not at the same stage in life. SG knows what she wants. B/F seems like he doesn't know. Gotcha'. You know I always lean towards walking away though. Eff ya' if you can't decide. Go take your indecision and cuddle it on those cold, cold nights.
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 That is one of LS's all-time most quotable quotes. That's as profound a statement as they come. Why thank-you Nemo. Why do I feel there's got to be a hook to your compliment though?
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Gotcha'. You know I always lean towards walking away though. Eff ya' if you can't decide. Go take your indecision and cuddle it on those cold, cold nights. i agree with this wholeheartedly. the only thing is, he's already made his decision, so he can take his 'nothing' and cuddle it.
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 i agree with this wholeheartedly. the only thing is, he's made his decision. To an extent, yes he has, although he can be swayed as proved by his confusion. It's whether or not SG wants to invest more time and energy into someone who is indecisive. My vote would be no.
Nemo Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 My signature ranks up there as well. Wouldn't you agree Nemo? :lmao: Thankfully, that serial thread polluter was banned. And good riddance. Not to be confused with good Riddler, whom we all know and love for his impeccable nature. And now, on with the show. For the show must go on.
Touche Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 To an extent, yes he has, although he can be swayed as proved by his confusion. It's whether or not SG wants to invest more time and energy into someone who is indecisive. My vote would be no. His actions aren't telling me that he's made a real decision exactly. But the proof will be in the pudding. After he moves. Oh and I forgot to thank Nemo for his earlier compliment on one of my posts. Like you, I wasn't exactly sure how to take that.
Pyro Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 :lmao: Thankfully, that serial thread polluter was banned. And good riddance. Not to be confused with good Riddler, whom we all know and love for his impeccable nature. And now, on with the show. For the show must go on. I kind of miss him/them. Thanks Nemo. If you want me to be yours, just wine and dine me. There's no need to butter me up.
Author Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 To an extent, yes he has, although he can be swayed as proved by his confusion. It's whether or not SG wants to invest more time and energy into someone who is indecisive. My vote would be no. He's made a decision: to put himself first right now and for an undetermined period of time. I honestly cannot fault him for that.
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 He's made a decision: to put himself first right now and for an undetermined period of time. I honestly cannot fault him for that. While I agree that you can't fault him for needing to make his own personal decisions, you can affect how much you will take from him.
melodymatters Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 He's made a decision: to put himself first right now and for an undetermined period of time. I honestly cannot fault him for that. No, you don't fault him. You mirror him, and put YOURSELF first in YOUR life. My heart goes out to you Star, but I am siding with touche's advice on this one. Never be too available or you will get taken for granted.
Kamille Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I agree with TBF that no matter how in love you are or how sweet you think he is, this is one moment where I would recommend you walk away. However, i do understand that that's most likely not what you're willing to do right now. Yet I think that it's important that you regain your independance and that you 'put him in his place' so to speak. (Walking away is the most effective way to do that). You have been walking on eggshells, understanding of his stress and feelings, patient with his moods for over a month now. I think if you had called him on it the first time he wavered, either you would have been confronted to this earlier or he would have had to chase you a little more. I know he is leaving in two weeks, but I don't think it helps any to think in that timeframe. Men come back, but I've learned they come back if you let them know you will only be treated with respect. And, Star, this situation of the two of you hanging out so much and sleeping together? Very murky when it comes to establishing Goddessness. Make plans to go out with friends. Make plans to be on your own. Force him to come to you. Don't be afraid to be yourself a 100% around him. You've got nothing to lose.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 To an extent, yes he has, although he can be swayed as proved by his confusion. oh, okay, i see what you're saying. see, i still think he's very clearly made his decision. his ability to be 'swayed' i think is a temporary way to keep her around for the lonely meantime. but that's just my opinion. when he tells her that he doesn't want a relationship and has no romantic feelings for her, he's not confused at all. but then when he's trying to get her into bed, he's once again confused...seems to me he knows what he wants, and allows himself to be confused at his convenience.
Kamille Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 He's made a decision: to put himself first right now and for an undetermined period of time. I honestly cannot fault him for that. Honey I think you are going into super-duper-understanding dumpee mode. Are you perhaps telling yourself what you need to tell yourself in order to keep going with the way things are now?
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 oh, okay, i see what you're saying. see, i still think he's very clearly made his decision. his ability to be 'swayed' i think is a temporary way to keep her around for the lonely meantime. but that's just my opinion. when he tells her that he doesn't want a relationship and has no romantic feelings for her, he's not confused at all. but then when he's trying to get her into bed, he's once again confused...seems to me he knows what he wants, and allows himself to be confused at his convenience. I also see what you're saying, although I disagree with the complete cynicism. SGs been put into a little compartment for the interim, until he's gotten beyond his decision point. Once he's made his life decisions, he'll pull her back out. The risk if she hangs around and waits for him, is that someone else might happen along, at the optimum moment. Personally, I would walk away.
Author Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Honey I think you are going into super-duper-understanding dumpee mode. Are you perhaps telling yourself what you need to tell yourself in order to keep going with the way things are now? I've been in this super-understanding mode from the get-go. If I were in his shoes, I'd expect the same understanding, really. Okay, no more sleeping together.
Lishy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Sheesh this is crazy making! He finishes with her and tells her he is putting himself first - He is ecstatic that he has taken the pressure off of himself and she still has sex with him and he can go get on with his life in 2 weeks with no guilt... Happy days What a lucky man he is! What a fool she is! There is only one option to even begin to salvage this mess. No touching, no kissing, no hanging out .... NO CONTACT! He will do one of 2 things 1. Carry on thinking about himself and get on with his life 2. Miss her like crazy and realise what a fool he has been But without doing the above none of this will happen! Sometimes you have to lose your love before you realise how much you loved it!
oppath Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I actually only wish my last official relationship had ended with her saying "my romantic feelings have faded and I don't have them anymore." To hijack, it was "this has nothing to do with a lack of feelings." I opted for the FU approach because I am pretty black and white. "Your reasons, they mean you don't want a relationship WITH ME." "No, that isn't how I feel at all. If I wanted a relationship with anyone, it would be with you." "Bull****." In reality, things are not always black and white, it's just that they are often black and white. There is some gray area here. I really believe it isn't black and white. If Star wants to explore that gray area, I support her. It does have merit, however, that Star has been super duper understanding for the past month, and she is being super duper understanding regarding the breakup. I think she should be LESS understanding. And how are you going to feel, Star, when he's really really busy packing or not having the time to say goodbye? He has the time now, but if he doesn't up to the last minute, if he's too busy, can you handle that disappointment?
oppath Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Sometimes you have to lose your love before you realise how much you loved it! You don't miss your water till your well runs dry.
Author Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 when he tells her that he doesn't want a relationship and has no romantic feelings for her, he's not confused at all. but then when he's trying to get her into bed, he's once again confused...seems to me he knows what he wants, and allows himself to be confused at his convenience. Like TBF said, I understand what you're getting at, but I disagree with the cynicism. I think he's been confused for an entire month, not just right before sleeping together yesterday.
Lishy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 He isnt confused - He knows what he does (or doesnt) want!
Author Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 And how are you going to feel, Star, when he's really really busy packing or not having the time to say goodbye? He has the time now, but if he doesn't up to the last minute, if he's too busy, can you handle that disappointment? I've thought about that, even before this breakup...and the answer is, no. I will be very, very upset if he doesn't make time for me at the end.
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