marlena Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Nothing is doomed. How we handle situations effects the outcome. Try to calm down and put things in a realistic perspective. If you are confused or overwhelmed at the moment, just let it be for a while until you are in a better state of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I think the worst thing that could happen is you become influenced by what you read here and the decision you make is not authentically yours. That would lead to a world of regret. Whatever you decide to do and feel, I'm glad you are making it your own authentic decision. It is easier to live with that way too. Hmmm... Do you really think that outside thoughts and experiences are going to be that influential? I think SG can and will make choices on her own. I think the thoughts and feedback we supply only provide new angles for her to consider. It's harder to live with a choice you made blindly without forethought, than it is to live with a choice made with careful consideration. I would not typically mention this... however I not too recently put my current GF through something similar to what SG is going through. Though the circumstances were pretty different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I would not typically mention this... however I not too recently put my current GF through something similar to what SG is going through. Though the circumstances were pretty different. What do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hmmm... Do you really think that outside thoughts and experiences are going to be that influential? Hmmmmm, It depends. Some people get swayed by other people's opinions and viewpoints much more easily than others with a stronger,more confident personality. While it is always a good idea to get input and insight from others, one should always be aware that ultimately they have to assess their own situation and act accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 What do you mean? Well, I broke up with my GF of 6 months... continued a physical relationship for a few weeks. Then spent 3 months as tight friends... before getting back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Yes, I have often thought about this too. How helpful and how detrimental can other people's advice or POV be? Not only where LS is concerned but where real life friends are concerned,too. How good is it for us really to constantly seek advice from others? I used to discuss my problems with my friends all the time until I finally realized I was becoming way too influenced by them. This led to confusion. Nowadays, I tend to keep things more to myself. Yes, absolutely. And most of the time, one just picks out and thinks about the advice that is more in keeping with their mindset at the time anyways, dismissing any conflicting opinions they may not be ready to here, or perhaps is just not reflecting the specific truth of the situation. LS has been really good for me to understand and categorize things (attention whores! the 5 rules in a relationship that cannot be crossed! What to do when you get conflicting messages! ) too. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) Hmmm... Do you really think that outside thoughts and experiences are going to be that influential? I think SG can and will make choices on her own. I think the thoughts and feedback we supply only provide new angles for her to consider. It's harder to live with a choice you made blindly without forethought, than it is to live with a choice made with careful consideration. I would not typically mention this... however I not too recently put my current GF through something similar to what SG is going through. Though the circumstances were pretty different. At some point one needs to stop talking with friends, enlisting advice, and go internal. But yes, I also agree having all the different options is really necessary too, to make an informed decision. With that said- personally-I can be overly influenced in the moment, I don't care if anyone wants to say that is weak or vacillating-I know myself and that is how I am, i know at some point i need to go internal. I am also empathetic and can read people's emotions very well, to the point where I feel what they feel. But when I step away I can process better to put it all together. For example, at this point, SG has all the info she needs, but it's up to her at this point. I think it would be detrimental to continue processing through everyone else. Edited January 3, 2008 by Florida Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Well, I broke up with my GF of 6 months... continued a physical relationship for a few weeks. Then spent 3 months as tight friends... before getting back together. That's good to hear :) Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 At some point one needs to stop talking with friends, enlisting advice, and go internal. My thoughts exactly! However, when your head is in a certain situation... many times you dont see the truth. Be careful when you stop talking to others... sometimes it creates tunnel vision. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 My thoughts exactly! However, when your head is in a certain situation... many times you dont see the truth. Be careful when you stop talking to others... sometimes it creates tunnel vision. True, true but what happens when one set is saying "there there, it's fine, it's okay" and the other is saying "danger! red flags! run!" ? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 That's good to hear :) Do you actually remember that whole situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) Do you actually remember that whole situation? Yes a lot of people thought you were too harsh in your initial decision, sticking to your guns on principle while cutting off your own nose in the process. So that's why I'm glad it worked out. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy would have been the theme.I'm glad you chose happy! Edited January 3, 2008 by Florida Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Yes a lot of people thought you were too harsh in your initial decision, sticking to your guns on principle while cutting off your own nose in the process. So that's why I'm glad it worked out. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy would have been the theme.I'm glad you chose happy! Well, I was too harsh. I'm afraid that might just be part of who I am. It takes alot for me to plow through my own boundaries. I'm sure I could have been happy with someone else... in the end I just decided that I didnt want to be. In a way it wasnt so much about me. If SG's guy is a good one... it won't be about him either in the end... it will be about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 However, when your head is in a certain situation... many times you dont see the truth. Be careful when you stop talking to others... sometimes it creates tunnel vision. Sometimes I ask others what their take is on some situation, because I can only see with the pink colored glasses. (Is nicer that way.) Someone tells me, I hate you I don't want to see you again, and I think, he is trying to test my love for him to see if I will back away or something. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I just spent hours reading this entire thread. When I started it was 5 pages (I opt for 40 posts per thread) and it elongated into 9 or 10 pages just while reading it! I don't know where to start, SG. It is easy to say that the match isn't right, but I am not part of the match. It is easy to say that you are too sensitive, or have lost dignity in the process, but I am not there to gauge those factors. What I can say is that you alone know what is right and acceptable for you. That may change with time, as well. I have been in a situation very unlike yours, but at the same time similar (future distance being the difference) and came out with something I wouldn't trade despite all the heartache I endured. I find it hard to compare the particulars of the situations, yet easy to compare the mindsets involved. I'm much older than yourself and had been divorced twice before experiencing the conundrum you are now faced with: someone who has in some way rebuked your love, but not entirely. Like you, I longed for that elusive eternal relationship. This is not my first admittance of this sort. Again like you, I was rebuked, but was in love. I have done what you are now doing, and received both bad and good results. Mostly bad, but I'm a big girl and accepted my losses. Still, I wouldn't change a thing in many regards. Of course I wish I had not experienced so much heartache, but I accept that the heartache has made me the loving and appreciative person that I have become. My advice is to never end any relationship feeling that you did not give it your all. Even if that means continuing sexual relations. I say that assuming that giving your all will not put you in immediate emotional peril, of course. I suppose some people cannot determine the line, but I know you can. Somehow I believe you will survive most anything. I often didn't believe I would, yet here I am. And I think we are very alike, although I am not quite as defensive of my SO's actions anymore. But I used to be! I could "turn around" even the most offensive behavior on their part, if only to others. Their opinions would weigh heavily on my mind, however. You have limited time. Enjoy it and see where things go, or instill no contact, whatever is better for YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I just spent hours reading this entire thread. Someone should show their appreciation. If it was me, I'd be doing you twice. My advice is to never end any relationship feeling that you did not give it your all. Absolutely. No regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 What I can say is that you alone know what is right and acceptable for you. That may change with time, as well. My advice is to never end any relationship feeling that you did not give it your all. Even if that means continuing sexual relations. I say that assuming that giving your all will not put you in immediate emotional peril, of course. I suppose some people cannot determine the line, but I know you can. You have limited time. Enjoy it and see where things go, or instill no contact, whatever is better for YOU. This is the best advice on this thread. I don't think the sex thing matters. If spending some time with him won't lead to further hurt, do it, give it your all. Any chance of him coming back has little to do with Star at this time. It has to do with HIM after he leaves. Link to post Share on other sites
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