Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I don't think she's being passive, I think she's very very emotionally attached and her feelings are on her sleeve, so any little thing, the wrong look her way, or something said in the wrong tone will make her wonder and get abit upset. I dont think she is being passive either! I was responding to what Oppath said and not to how star is reacting Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I don't get what you're saying here, but I'm assuming its not kind. it wasn't unkind, i wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. i just pointing out that it was no surprise that the boyfriend in the mood was yours, which is a little telling. what it tells doesn't really matter to anyone but you. sorry if you thought i was trying to be mean. i wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 it wasn't unkind, i wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. i just pointing out that it was no surprise that the boyfriend in the mood was yours, which is a little telling. what it tells doesn't really matter to anyone but you. sorry if you thought i was trying to be mean. i wasn't. Of all the BFs on LS, you just intuitively knew that the BF in a bad mood was MINE? How many members of LS come on here on a daily basis in a bad mood? Jeeez. If you were scheduled to be off work for three certain days, had plans to ski with friends during those three days and be with your GF, and then were called in to work 14 hour shifts for those three days having to cancel all your plans, wouldn't you be in a bit of a bad mood too?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I just gotta figure out how to not be all butt-hurt when he's in a mood. Understand that he's all scared when he says that. He thinks you are going to get mad, or that he is going to disappoint you. He feels "bad" for staying up late etc etc, and is defending himself. He sounds desperate to me, actually. Just be reassuring like you have been and hopefully he'll come down. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Ok Star I get it. You want to know how to deal wit him in these moods? Here it is hon, you just have to accept it and take a deep breathe and put up with it The question is, hould you be accepting this from him AND if he is like this so early on, what do you have to look forward to? Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Of all the BFs on LS, you just intuitively knew that the BF in a bad mood was MINE? How many members of LS come on here on a daily basis in a bad mood? Jeeez. If you were scheduled to be off work for three certain days, had plans to ski with friends during those three days and be with your GF, and then were called in to work 14 hour shifts for those three days having to cancel all your plans, wouldn't you be in a bit of a bad mood too?? i'm not arguing or justifying anything, and i am guessing you're showing the because you think it's a joke, but it's not meant to be. i'm sorry it hit a nerve or insulted you some way. my only point was that i knew the thread was by you and about your boyfriend just by seeing the title. i don't know that i would call it 'intuition', and what caused his bad mood doesn't really matter. i just knew before i saw your name that it involved him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 If you were scheduled to be off work for three certain days, had plans to ski with friends during those three days and be with your GF, and then were called in to work 14 hour shifts for those three days having to cancel all your plans, wouldn't you be in a bit of a bad mood too?? BINGO!! SO, what about that has made you feel like taking his mood personally SG? Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 (and in answer to your question, yes, i would be in a bad mood for those reasons...but i wouldn't take it out on someone who didn't cause the problem and therefore doesn't deserve it.) Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 BINGO!! SO, what about that has made you feel like taking his mood personally SG? She can see more into this but is too scared to face it! we all know how to deal with people in grumpy moods but there is more to him and star knows it we all deal with moody people without asking for advice on it and that includes star who is a very bright and clever girl star, get to the point and tell us how you really feel! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 He was abit pissy with her, but I wouldn't say he took it out on her. She asked him how late he was going to be, 30 mins or 3 hours? He got abit irked and reacted. Doesn't everyone do that, show abit of irritation at times? Now he if yelled at her, was really rude to her, that's different ,but it just sounds like his mood (which she knew about) is bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 BINGO!! SO, what about that has made you feel like taking his mood personally SG? Because I'm an over-sensitive ninny. Actually, I don't even know what a ninny is, it just sounds like the right word. That's my whole point. His bad mood will stem from anything BUT me, and I'll still somehow, someway, be a little hurt that he's in a bad mood. Another example - last Saturday, his skis were stolen from the bed of his truck. OF COURSE he's pissed, OF COURSE he's in a bad mood. But when he tells me this, I think...poo, he's in a mood and if I say or do anything to irritate him further, he'll wrap his irritation at the ski theft into his feelings for me. Like equating talking to me/being with me with the bad things in his life. Does that make sense? Probably not, because when it comes to how I feel about BF, nothing makes sense. Perhaps I think that just speaking to me should make him gloriously happy, no matter what he's experiencing? Hahaha. I'm deluded... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Reverse it. Say your PMS is really bad, you're mood is pissy. Is that his fault? Nope. Is it your fault? Nope. It's hormones aka outside forces. Ninny! LOL I haven't heard that in years. hehehe..Yes, you are acting like a sensitive ninny...Stop that, eh! Don't make HIS moods about YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Perhaps I think that just speaking to me should make him gloriously happy, no matter what he's experiencing? Hahaha. I'm deluded... i don't think you're deluded at all. i think you think that way because most girlfriends want their boyfriends to be happy when they speak to them, and they want to feel that they helped the boy through the bad mood and make it better. it isn't deluded to not want to have to tiptoe around bad moods, watch every word you say. it isn't deluded to expect a normal answer in a normal tone about what time he might be available. that's how it should be. instead for some reason, unless you walk on eggshells, you seem to the brunt of moods. or, at least, that's what it looks like from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Star you are not wrong here, you are picking up more than you realise from him and it makes you feel uncomfortable, that is why you are asking advise! We all get in bad moods but he is doing something that is making you feel uncomfortable! You need to ask yourself what! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 If it helps at all, posting on your threads makes me gloriously happy. It's not exactly what you want, but it's something, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 He was abit pissy with her, but I wouldn't say he took it out on her. She asked him how late he was going to be, 30 mins or 3 hours? He got abit irked and reacted. Doesn't everyone do that, show abit of irritation at times? Now he if yelled at her, was really rude to her, that's different ,but it just sounds like his mood (which she knew about) is bad. Not to defend him, but I also asked him about timing earlier in the day. So he had to tell me twice that he didn't know... Lishy - yes, there's more to it when it comes to him. I'm confident that if/when my mom, or a friend, or a coworker is in a bad mood and reacts to me that it's not about ME and that if I put them in their place I won't make their feelings towards me lessen. When in a romantic relationship, I can't help but think that some part (no matter how small) of their every mood and reaction is somehow linked to their feelings for me. That's why I get hurt. That's why I am sensitive to their moods. And it works in the reverse too: If they're ridiculously happy for reasons that have nothing to do with me (they won the lottery, for example), somehow I talk myself into thinking their delirium is my doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 instead for some reason, unless you walk on eggshells, you seem to the brunt of moods. or, at least, that's what it looks like from here. Compared to the other people in his life, I probably do bare the brunt of most of his moods. But I'd hardly say I walk on eggshells. You know how I'm direct and to the point, take-no-prisoners here? Yeah, I pretty much do that with him too. Only here I can stand on what I say, whereas with him I speak and then kinda...cower. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 SG, we both know that if a guy can't take it on the chin from his partner, he's not strong enough for women like us, don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 SG, we both know that if a guy can't take it on the chin from his partner, he's not strong enough for women like us, don't you? Yes, I do. And most of the time he takes it, although sometimes he gets frustrated that he can't have his way... I guess all I'm trying to say is... if he's in a bad mood, I don't want to exacerbate it, and I want to be able to deal with his mood and truly know in my gut it's not about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Ok, (I'll continue talking to the walls here and not taking it personally) I can't help but think that some part (no matter how small) of their every mood and reaction is somehow linked to their feelings for me. If they're ridiculously happy for reasons that have nothing to do with me.. That is a valid point. When you don't like someone you tend to get cranky with that person more than usual, and everthing they do that you don't like irritates you even more so. I know that when my feelings for past partners started to dwindle, I'd get irritated if they made noise with their food, and pretty much everything about them annoyed me. On the other hand, when a guy is in love and all bursting in happines, he goes to a restaurant for breakfast and then says, this is the best breakfast I've had in years! And you know that 90% of it is because he is in love. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I wonder if Ariadne will post a reply on this thread. Anyone hear from her lately? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 (edited) (I'll continue talking to the walls here and not taking it personally) I'm listening (er, reading) to you, silly girl! I'm glad you understand my point. Luckily, he's not moody about things I do (like chewing! haha!)...it's always about work. He's mad he's at work, and I'm all up in his face asking, "When will you be done? When? Huh? Tell me now!" Okay, not really like that, but I'm sure if he's in a bad enough mood that's how it sounds. Edited December 29, 2007 by Star Gazer Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Yes, I do. And most of the time he takes it, although sometimes he gets frustrated that he can't have his way... I guess all I'm trying to say is... if he's in a bad mood, I don't want to exacerbate it, and I want to be able to deal with his mood and truly know in my gut it's not about me. Correct me if I'm wrong but there's a small part of you that's afraid to lose him and you know your time with him is limited, so you want to make the best of it, so you fold, when he gets cranky. How about when he's not cranky? Why not express this when you're both in a decent mood and have a chat with him? "While I know you can sometimes get in a bad mood and so can I, try not to take it out on me. I will be supportive and sympathetic to your needs but I'm not going to take the brunt of your irritation, especially since most of the time, I never caused it." Edit - don't forget the fluffy, mooshy stuff surrounding it. *kiss, kiss* *hug, hug* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 Correct me if I'm wrong but there's a small part of you that's afraid to lose him and you know your time with him is limited, so you want to make the best of it, so you fold, when he gets cranky. Yup, absolutely. Only thing is it's not a small part...it's a pretty large part. I wish that weren't the case, but it's how I feel. How about when he's not cranky? Why not express this when you're both in a decent mood and have a chat with him? "While I know you can sometimes get in a bad mood and so can I, try not to take it out on me. I will be supportive and sympathetic to your needs but I'm not going to take the brunt of your irritation, especially since most of the time, I never caused it." This is a good idea, and I've said something similar once before...but I think I was much more doormat-ish about it. I'll be more assertive next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I'm glad you understand my point. Luckily, he's not moody about things I do (like chewing! haha!)...it's always about work. Well, in this case I'd say it's because you are all nice with him and he probably feels bad for staying late when he wants to be with you and to make you wait also. So he gets extra irritated with the work stuff. My take anyway.. Have fun tomorrow with the new skiis. Link to post Share on other sites
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