Person Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 (edited) I'm a girl. I'm bi-sexual and over a year ago, I met this girl--this amazing girl with golden locks and chestnut-colored eyes that instilled warmth whenever I'm with her, and a personality that could easily outmatch her exterior. In a nut shell, I liked her, she liked me back, several months later, she got involved with someone else, and it's all down-hill from there. Though I thought of it as a spur-of-the-moment fling, it seemed like she wanted something more with this someone else; however, that feeling was never reciprocated. In the midst of all this, I was miserable. My paranoia peaked as my shoulders trembled erractically everytime I cried. She justified that she did not cheat by saying we weren't "official." I guess she's right though. =/ However, a couple months later, we are on good terms, close friends, but I'm not happy this way. I can honestly say without doubt or hesitation that i still love her; it's not an infatuation despite my age. I think she likes me back? I mean, she says she still likes me, but doesn't want to get involve in a relationship at the moment and I'm fine with that. Problem is, is that I'm way too insecure and I have trouble trusting, not particularly to her, but to people in general. If people show the slightest interest in her, my paranoia goes ballistic. I'm severely afraid that some guy is going to sweep her off her feet. I worry I'm not going to be able to perpetuate my relationship with her if someone were to develope. Often times, when my paranoia suspects someone liking her or vice versa, I undergo these relapses in which I feel like utter crap and do nothing but cry and have suicidal ill-thoughts. Therapy isn't even working. Pathetic huh? I put so much effort into making her happy, but things never seem to work in my favor. What am I going to do? It's unrealistic to get her back, right? I'm only fourteen. Judging from this relationship and my insecurities, I'm going to have a sucky love life. And I know, if I don't kill myself now, I'm going to do it later in life because my feelings or insecurities are never going to subside. Edited December 29, 2007 by Person
polywog Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're just learning how to be yourself, you're still so young, and it's just hard... lessons to learn, you'll learn how to cope. I felt the same way when I was your age about my early loves. You say you're seeing a therapist and it's not helping. Maybe see a different therapist, they're not all the right person at the right time. Perhaps a different one could reach you better. Just a thought. Hang in there, person.
s_n_d Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Stay strong, person. I think most people on these forums understand what your going through. Its been two months since My ex and I broke up and I swear Im in the same state of mind that i was on the day of the breakup.. Well.. Minus all the crying and being THAT vulnerable. After our breakup we stopped talking for about a month and a bit and just a few weeks ago we started talking again and I actually have faith that everything is getting better for us. My point? Sometimes it takes a LONG time until you can finally work things out with a person. Anyways just take comfort in knowing that Whats meant to be will ALWAYS find its way.
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