Dean Moriarty Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 So, for the past week, my girlfriend of over 1 1/2 years has been back in her hometown for the holidays. Yesterday, I get out of work to receive a text message that she's getting a tattoo with some girlfriend of hers. I am immediately turned off by the idea. According to her, it's a design she's had in mind for a while now and she drew it out for the tat artist. It's basically a funky looking heart. She pix messaged me a shot of it. It's ****in huge on her left shoulder blade. I have no idea why but I am disgusted and turned off by the whole thought of it. Pretty much every one of my female friends has at least one tattoo. I don't mind their tats and even think some of them are pretty cool. It's just the idea of a tat on a girl I'm dating that I find gross. I had an ex get a tat while I was dating her and had the same reaction. I don't know what the deal is with me. If this is some control issue of mine or what. Thoughts?
johan Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Yeah, what is the problem? Maybe it indicates a level of independence that points to a life that doesn't necessarily involve you.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Yeah, what is the problem? Maybe it indicates a level of independence that points to a life that doesn't necessarily involve you. i'm with johan on this one. i mean, it's up to you what turns you off, but that's pretty superficial of you after a year and half. i guess the time works both ways, though, because after just a year and a half, she can do whatever she wants with her body without feeling the need to consult you or ask your permission.
Legend Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 nah man i'm with the OP, tats are nasty on chicks.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 nah man i'm with the OP, tats are nasty on chicks. for the most part, i'm not in love with it either. it depends on the person and the actual tatoo. in the OP's case he either needs to suck it and deal or move, cause the tatoo's not going anywhere.
Author Dean Moriarty Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 I've always found tattoos on women unattractive and I guess that's my issue. My hope was that it would be hidden and not very big but that's not the case. I've been thinking about it and I think there's a lot of things she could have done to demonstrate a life outside me or our relationship that I would be fine with. I'm pretty supportive of her being indepedent. It comes back to the tattoo. I just find it trashy and I'm not sure how to overcome that.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 It comes back to the tattoo. I just find it trashy and I'm not sure how to overcome that. they can definitely be trashy sometimes, agreed, especially if the girl can't get away with a tattoo, or the kind she chose. i guess you'll have to accept it and move on, but no one can tell you how, it'll have to just...happen. do you think you can get over it? is it worth not being with all of her just to not see that part of her?
johan Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Is she a trashy person? You must not think so if you've been with her for so long. It feels like a control issue to me. Not that having a need to feel in control is always a bad thing. I can't tell whether this is too far or not. What are you afraid of?
Citizen Erased Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I can see where you are coming from OP, I find they look trashy on females. May not always be the case, but usually is how I feel. I am so sick of having to ooh and ahh over them when my female friends get them Fact is she has it, loves it, and it isn't going away. You need to decide if this is more important to you then your relationship.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I honestly dont see whats the big deal.. Its not a tattoo of something offensive, its not another guys name... Tattoos is just another way that people express their selves.. and just because its on a female shouldnt single her out to be gross looking and unattractive... I love tattoos! I have two and I love them ! I say good for her to get a tattoo and something she realizes that she would have to spend her entire life with (unless she gets lasic surgery)...
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I am so sick of having to ooh and ahh over them when my female friends get them then don't! you don't have to pretend to love them. i never do, i just go "oh, nice, i guess." but i have a hard time pretending to like things i don't and gush.
Citizen Erased Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 then don't! you don't have to pretend to love them. i never do, i just go "oh, nice, i guess." but i have a hard time pretending to like things i don't and gush. Yeah I'm a big enough bitch as it is, I don't have much room to go with when it comes to my friends
Author Dean Moriarty Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 Is she a trashy person? You must not think so if you've been with her for so long. It feels like a control issue to me. Not that having a need to feel in control is always a bad thing. I can't tell whether this is too far or not. What are you afraid of? No, she's not a trashy person. She's a wonderful girl. Gorgeous, outgoing, great sense of humor, kind, etc. Everyone loves her. In fact, I just finished eating a Tuskan Turkey sub from Quizno's using a gift card she bought me. (what a keeper!) She's a very attentive girlfriend. Anyway, I told her what I thought of her tattoo. I was very honest and she was pretty upset and surprised by my reaction and seemed to suggest that if she'd known how against it I am, she might have had second thoughts about it. Which is great in hindsight. I live with her so I'll be seeing it every day and it'll be staring at me everytime I'm hitting it from behind. I have a feeling that will bug me.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I live with her so I'll be seeing it every day and it'll be staring at me everytime I'm hitting it from behind. I have a feeling that will bug me. oh wow T.M.I hahaha
jcster Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 If you're willing to accept it, then after a while it won't bug you so much. It's amazing the number of things that you don't notice after a few years together. Someday, it will be a funny story.
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Then break up with her. Obviously this tat is going to be an issue and sexually turn you off. I mean, already you know it will bug you so save yourself and your girlfriend the heartache and break it off now because in 2 years time if you still can't get over her tat, then you'll break her heart even more. OR, suck it up and get over it. That tat is not about you, nor is it a reflection of her. NOT ALL TATS are trashy. Or, are you concerned what others (like your family, close friends, co-workers) will think if they see it? I'm not a tat person either, but I certainly wouldn't let it ruin a perfectly good relationship.
Walk Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I'm definitely not a tattoo person, but my bf just got one a couple of months ago (this is after 4 years of dating). Whatever. Its his body, and if that's what he wanted then I'm all for it. Besides, I hardly notice it now, even though its covering most of his left arm. I see it, but it doesn't really register. Kind of like when an SO gets a new hair cut that's vastly different from how it used to be... the first few weeks its "in your face"... but after a while you don't even notice it anymore. On the brighter side... your gf seems to have a bit of a reckless wild side to her... maybe you could channel that energy into things you both enjoy.
Author Dean Moriarty Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 On the brighter side... your gf seems to have a bit of a reckless wild side to her... maybe you could channel that energy into things you both enjoy. She definitely does. And I definitely do too. I'm the guy in college who was rock climbing on the spires behind Mt. Rushmore and who jumped trains and rode them to different cities after hopping fences and exploring old abandoned industrial zones. I'm not a pussy or some stupid yuppie struggling to identify with a girlfriend's rebellion. This is much more of a personal issue with overcoming an old sticking point. I'm looking for advice from others who have overcome similar situations. Of course, now that I'm out of college and into a real world job making real world money and working real world hours, I don't have the time to bull**** as much anymore...
Storyrider Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I'm not a fan of tattoos either and would have supported the idea of you telling her before hand that you liked her beautiful skin naked and natural. Then she could have made an informed decision. But once it was too late, you should have kept your mouth shut. What is she supposed to do about it now??? If you see it now, and it bugs you, let it be a reminder of the consequences of not communicating your desires. It was your own choice not to be straight with her. You own that tattoo now, my friend.
Storyrider Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I'm not a fan of tattoos either and would have supported the idea of you telling her before hand that you liked her beautiful skin naked and natural. Then she could have made an informed decision. But once it was too late, you should have kept your mouth shut. What is she supposed to do about it now??? If you see it now, and it bugs you, let it be a reminder of the consequences of not communicating your desires. It was your own choice not to be straight with her. You own that tattoo now, my friend.
mylovegrowsdeeper Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 "Anyway, I told her what I thought of her tattoo. I was very honest and she was pretty upset and surprised by my reaction and seemed to suggest that if she'd known how against it I am, she might have had second thoughts about it. Which is great in hindsight. :rolleyes:" I second the notion that your disgust of the tatoo has to do much less with the tatoo itself and much more with a different issue. As soon as she assured you she would of reconsidered after knowing your opinion you seemed to feel much more SECURE about your situation. ;-)
Author Dean Moriarty Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 "Anyway, I told her what I thought of her tattoo. I was very honest and she was pretty upset and surprised by my reaction and seemed to suggest that if she'd known how against it I am, she might have had second thoughts about it. Which is great in hindsight. :rolleyes:" I second the notion that your disgust of the tatoo has to do much less with the tatoo itself and much more with a different issue. As soon as she assured you she would of reconsidered after knowing your opinion you seemed to feel much more SECURE about your situation. ;-) You clearly missed the eyeroll. Anway, she gets back into town tomorrow. I'm going to have to grin and bear it and be the loving boyfriend. I almost feel like now that she's gotten this one big tat on her left shoulder blade she might as well go the Kat Von D route. Wish me luck.
monkey5 Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Let me put this in perspective... If you were present when she was getting the tat, would you still feel the same way? It comes across as a control issue to me.I can understand if you are turned off by tattoos, lots of people are. But don't break up with your girlfriend over something superficial. It's not like it gives her superpowers or a bad attitude. Obviously, she wanted a tattoo, and did it in her own free will. Learn to accept it, it's going to be there for the rest of her life.
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Hello. I'm, a lady of 51 years of age, well-spoken, (I have a father whom I swear, was the model for professor Henry Higgins!) and a stickler for good english as wot she should be spoke. Anyway, I draw a mixed response when i tell people i have tatoos. 8 of them. Thy're hidden, unless I deem it appropriate to show them, and if the occasion deems a cover-up, I cover up and make sure I observe social decorum. I'm not so insensitive as to shove them in people's faces, I know opinions are divided. But I saw a notice in a tatooist's studio that read: "The difference between people with tatoos, and people without tatoos, is that people WITH tatoos don't care if you don't have a tatoo." (He also refuses to do people's names, because he says tatoos are more permanent....!) I designed all of mine, because I know what suits me and my personality. The majority are based on buddhist symbols, but are not Buddhist tatoos, per se.... I had them all before my current partner (sounds like I have one a year - I don't!) and he doesn't 'see' them, really. But he likes them, because he says they're all part of me, a visible expression of me and what I do, if you like..... Just a note from a tatooed lady... (no, not Lydia....)
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