Spring fling called

[Kamille]

Last spring I dated a guy that I was really into. He was goodlooking, a complete gentleman, smart, funny, original, but since he was also flakey and not over his ex-girlfriend I forced myself to walk away.

 

He just called. To apologize. To tell me that it wasn't fair to get me involved at the time. And that now was a better time.

 

I was like 'hmm ok, thanks but I have a boyfriend now'.

 

I did the right thing but my heart is beating a mile a minute. Timing is everything I guess but truth is I still fantasize about this guy. Right now bf and I are trying to sort out my sudden drop in libido and it's raising some emotional issues.

 

Oddly I thought of Lovelace. Hope she reads this: this is the guy I was talking about, saying I walked away because he wasn't treating me how I wanted to be treated. You never know the long term effects of being clear on how you want to be treated and enforcing it.

 

Now, I'm wondering wether or not I should tell bf? This really has me a bit upside down.

[Nemo]

Now, I'm wondering wether or not I should tell bf?

Make sure you're tactful. Something like: "I have guys lining up to bang me. Oh yes. In fact, I just palmed another one off. So you'd better be worth it!"

This really has me a bit upside down.

That could be kinky.

[Legend]

Why not see what this spring fling can offer? Or...spend the rest of your days wondering... 'what if?'

[Nemo]

Why not see what this spring fling can offer? Or...spend the rest of your days wondering... 'what if?'

What if I hadn't thrown away a steady, loving, healthy relationship? Choices.

[Kamille]

What if I hadn't thrown away a steady, loving, healthy relationship? Choices.

 

thanks Nem. Those are pretty much my thought. I know what I have right now is good. My bf is solid. (Go Nemo, solid puns are all yours). We're discovering a lot about each other and how we communicate. He's never let me down yet. (oh no more puns!)

[Nemo]

Forget about puns. How do their buns compare?

[Kamille]

Forget about puns. How do their buns compare?

 

damn! and don't get me started on the pecs this guy had.

 

probably still has. I imagine he still has pecs. and buns.

 

but things were always slightly awkward when we were together. The phone call was awkward even before I mentioned the bf.

 

really, things are great the way they are.

[Nemo]

, things are great the way they are.

Isn't LS great for thinking through the issues you thought you had, and soon thereafter to recognise were pure insanity.

 

Let's all pinch some buns to celebrate.

[shadowplay]

Could you elaborate on your lowered libido? Are you feeling less attracted to your bf? Perhaps the honeymoon phase is over and you're simply adjusting to that.

 

Would it be a tough decision if you knew with absolute certainty that this other guy would treat you as well and be as into you as your current bf? Does this other guy have anything your bf lacks?

 

I seem to remember you describing yourself as a bit of a commitment-phobe, which may explains your tendency to fantasize about missed opportunities. It sounds like you have a solid, healthy relationship with your bf, and I wouldn't throw that away unless there is something severely lacking that triggers your attraction to this other guy.

 

And don't tell your bf about him! No good can come of that.

Edited December 29, 2007 by shadowplay

[EYECANDY000]

If you truely believe that timing is everything, then go for it!

[D-Lish]

Last spring I dated a guy that I was really into. He was goodlooking, a complete gentleman, smart, funny, original, but since he was also flakey and not over his ex-girlfriend I forced myself to walk away.

 

He just called. To apologize. To tell me that it wasn't fair to get me involved at the time. And that now was a better time.

 

I was like 'hmm ok, thanks but I have a boyfriend now'.

 

I did the right thing but my heart is beating a mile a minute. Timing is everything I guess but truth is I still fantasize about this guy. Right now bf and I are trying to sort out my sudden drop in libido and it's raising some emotional issues.

 

Oddly I thought of Lovelace. Hope she reads this: this is the guy I was talking about, saying I walked away because he wasn't treating me how I wanted to be treated. You never know the long term effects of being clear on how you want to be treated and enforcing it.

 

Now, I'm wondering wether or not I should tell bf? This really has me a bit upside down.

 

Like you said... they always come back.

 

Is this the guy we used to talk about way back?

The musician??

 

How did he react when you told him you were in a relationship?

[D-Lish]

I know what you would tell me if the situations were reversed!

 

If you are enjoying the man you are with now... it doesn't make sense to leave him to explore something with a man from your past that you left for very good reasons.

 

I think it's natural to feel a bit of a jolt when someone you once loved contacts again. I don't think your ex is worth jeapordizing the good thing you have going now.

 

;-)

D

[Kamille]

Could you elaborate on your lowered libido? Are you feeling less attracted to your bf? Perhaps the honeymoon phase is over and you're simply adjusting to that.

 

Would it be a tough decision if you knew with absolute certainty that this other guy would treat you as well and be as into you as your current bf? Does this other guy have anything your bf lacks?

 

I seem to remember you describing yourself as a bit of a commitment-phobe, which may explains your tendency to fantasize about missed opportunities. It sounds like you have a solid, healthy relationship with your bf, and I wouldn't throw that away unless there is something severely lacking that triggers your attraction to this other guy.

 

And don't tell your bf about him! No good can come of that.

 

It's not really that I'm feeling less attracted, more that in the last week I haven't been in the mood for sex at all. I think it's a combination of just plain being tired and me freaking out the first time I wasn't in the mood, which only made the whole thing escalade.

 

And yes I am a bit of a commitment-phobe. I just seem to have a hard time really letting people into my life. Or I just seem to need a lot of time alone. But today I ate right and went to the gym and I already feel much more energetic and I'm hoping that will translate in an increased libido. But bf jokingly said, at one point while we were talking about all this, that we could scale down the frequency to twice a week if that would make me smile.

 

And when I think about it, I can't imagine this other guy treating me as nicely as my current boyfriend. And while I'm flattered he called, I tend to think of him as a bit unreliable (he cancelled a few plans last spring).

[Kamille]

If you truely believe that timing is everything, then go for it!

 

I meant the timing was off both times. Now I am in a relationship and the more I write here the more I realize there is no way I would let go of what has probably the loveliest relationship in my life.

[Kamille]

I know what you would tell me if the situations were reversed!

 

If you are enjoying the man you are with now... it doesn't make sense to leave him to explore something with a man from your past that you left for very good reasons.

 

I think it's natural to feel a bit of a jolt when someone you once loved contacts again. I don't think your ex is worth jeapordizing the good thing you have going now.

 

;-)

D

 

You've got that right!

 

 

Like you said... they always come back.

 

Is this the guy we used to talk about way back?

The musician??

 

How did he react when you told him you were in a relationship?

 

No not the same guy but the musician did show up again, but by then I had completely lost interest in him.

 

Spring fling guy simply said well it was nice to hear you again when I told him about bf. We had talked about our jobs and such right before. It feel really nice that he called in a way. I looked at the missed call just now and saw that he's been trying to get in touch with me for a week now (busy hollyday season). Well, at least it means I wasn't hallucinating last spring, when I thought there could be something between us.

[oppath]

I meant the timing was off both times. Now I am in a relationship and the more I write here the more I realize there is no way I would let go of what has probably the loveliest relationship in my life.

 

I had a girlfriend tell me that last phrase and she was ending it . You did the right thing. You don't have to tell your bf because I assume you do not intend to call this guy or be in contact with him. If you wanted to try and be friends, absolutely, you'd need to include your boyfriend. I admire the fact that you said "I have a boyfriend." A lot of women don't do that because they enjoy the attention and don't want to hurt feelings. How you handled it indicates to me that your relationship has a lot of potential to develop into something long lasting.

[Kamille]

I had a girlfriend tell me that last phrase and she was ending it . You did the right thing. You don't have to tell your bf because I assume you do not intend to call this guy or be in contact with him. If you wanted to try and be friends, absolutely, you'd need to include your boyfriend. I admire the fact that you said "I have a boyfriend." A lot of women don't do that because they enjoy the attention and don't want to hurt feelings. How you handled it indicates to me that your relationship has a lot of potential to develop into something long lasting.

 

Thank you so much Oppath. I think his call is turning out to be a blessing, as I take stoke of how thankful I am that my bf is in my life.

[johan]

Thank you so much Oppath. I think his call is turning out to be a blessing, as I take stoke of how thankful I am that my bf is in my life.

 

And us. We're in your life, too! Probably just as important, right?

[Ariadne]

Kamille,

 

I went to look at which guy you are taking about and found this in some previous post of yours:

 

------------

 

I noticed he was becoming distant. Long story short, his ex-girlfriend, and first love of his life, the one he had been trying to forget, had started writing him to tell him she'd figured it out, she still loved him, she was ready for him, he was the one for her, etc.

 

From what I gathered from what he said about their relationship and breakups, she doesn't sound like she was all that great to him (they broke up twice, she cheated on him with another man and cheated on other man with him). But he was convinced, up until and I guess into meeting me, that she was "the one" and even implied that there had to be a reason why he went through so much pain because of her ("yeah dude, because she treated you like sh**" is what I thought but did not say).

 

So he left. They are now back together. And I am struggling with exactly how unfair the whole thing was to me.

 

----------------

 

That is the same crap I had to go through with Denver guy.

 

Is this the guy that came back now?

 

If not, what happened with this one?

 

Oh, and about your situation. You don't love either one of them, might as well stay with the French guy, at least he's nice and keeps you company.

 

And good going he came back!!

 

Ariadne

[D-Lish]

They do come back!

lol.

 

From what I have been reading- it sounds like things are going well for you with your current guy (besides the little bump in the road with the libido).

 

That is something you can work through.

Are you taking medication or anything? That happened to me when I was on a certain med.

 

It does make you feel good when they come back, and it should. It means you've never really left their head. That's a nice feeling to internalize.

 

You're the sexy intellectual that got away and now they regret losing you.

 

Who's the prize????

[Kamille]

Kamille,

 

I went to look at which guy you are taking about and found this in some previous post of yours:

 

------------

 

I noticed he was becoming distant. Long story short, his ex-girlfriend, and first love of his life, the one he had been trying to forget, had started writing him to tell him she'd figured it out, she still loved him, she was ready for him, he was the one for her, etc.

 

From what I gathered from what he said about their relationship and breakups, she doesn't sound like she was all that great to him (they broke up twice, she cheated on him with another man and cheated on other man with him). But he was convinced, up until and I guess into meeting me, that she was "the one" and even implied that there had to be a reason why he went through so much pain because of her ("yeah dude, because she treated you like sh**" is what I thought but did not say).

 

So he left. They are now back together. And I am struggling with exactly how unfair the whole thing was to me.

 

----------------

 

That is the same crap I had to go through with Denver guy.

 

Is this the guy that came back now?

 

If not, what happened with this one?

 

Oh, and about your situation. You don't love either one of them, might as well stay with the French guy, at least he's nice and keeps you company.

 

And good going he came back!!

 

Ariadne

 

Oh I'm sorry this happened to you too Ariadne. That was a very painful time in my life, but not it's not the same guy. The post that you found refers to the musician D-Lish and I are talking about. The timeline is:

summer 2006 : musician

spring 2007: spring fling guy.

 

But the story with spring fling guy was so eerilie similar to the one with the musician that it made it easy for me to decide to walk away instead of getting involved.

 

The musician did show up again too, but only to see if I was still under his charms, as far as I can tell. By then, fortunately, no I wasn't. In fact, I ran into the musician the day I broke up with spring fling guy and was pretty fed up with drama on that day.

 

I once looked for posts on Denver Guy, but I don't think I found one that was clearly about him. I'll look some more though.

[Kamille]

They do come back!

lol.

 

From what I have been reading- it sounds like things are going well for you with your current guy (besides the little bump in the road with the libido).

 

That is something you can work through.

Are you taking medication or anything? That happened to me when I was on a certain med.

 

It does make you feel good when they come back, and it should. It means you've never really left their head. That's a nice feeling to internalize.

 

You're the sexy intellectual that got away and now they regret losing you.

 

Who's the prize????

 

LOL. I like your pic D. We are the prize. I am the prize, you are the prize.

 

I think they come back when you let them go. When you know you're worth it and decide that if they can't see it, then you would rather they not be in your life.

[Kamille]

And us. We're in your life, too! Probably just as important, right?

 

Got that right Johan. You guys are an important part of my life. I've learned so much from this site, both from receiving and giving advice.

 

ah look at me, I'm sappy.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Yeah, it was the same thing. She didn't want anything to do with him and was dating other guys. I even talked to her and she told me that she was never ever going to go back to him, that she didn't love him at all.

 

And then she changed her mind and decided he was the love of her life after all, and told him not to talk to me ever again. And of course, she was "the one" for him, the one he could never get over.

 

Anyway, good thing he came, at least that.

 

Are they still together with the ex gf?

 

(The story with Denver guy is in the "Break NC for Valentines day?" but is an old and boring story. I posted some of his emails there of rejection too).

[LovesDog]

Just curious, did you change your birth control within the last few months? I can tell you that I had some serious emotional issues from my birth control, but didn't realize it for several months! Decreased libido is also a side effect of some birth controls...