unlovedmale Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 gf & I have been together 11 years but she has never been "in-love" with me. She says she "loves me" but she tells others she's not "in-love" with me. Often I wonder what she means even by "loves me", as in the sense like love of another human being or something more intimate or personal. I sometimes wonder if she even likes me, and if she is just putting up with me: is she being truely honest or not I'm not sure. I know no-one can be coerced to be "in-love", but she wont discuss what's wrong with our relationship. All her previous serious relationships have been bad for her, yet she says ours is a "good relationship" and the best she's had. I fear she is still infatuated with a previous partner who treated her horribly and perhaps there's other reasons for her being with me. What is that missing element that prevents her from being in-love with me?
Debs202 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Hi, For me the difference between being 'in love' and 'loving' someone is that 'in love' is like an infatuation where you can't get enough of the person while loving them is a really deep connection that goes way beyond the physical excitement. The feelings of being 'in love' probably can be expected to wear off a little if you live with each other/see each other a lot/as you get in to a routine as there is less excitement. However, I'd say it is important to have some of that feeling still for a relationship to work - otherwise it's just like being with your best friend or a family member that you love. How to get the feeling of being 'in love' back? I'm not sure there is a formula. Being physically attracted to the person is important, and being intimate with them even if it's just kissing passionately. Also, not getting stuck in a routine. Surprise her (not necessarily with gifts, just do something unusual so she starts to think of you in a new light - take her for a picnic somewhere or on a boat ride or something else you'd never normally do together). Or go and do something on your own for a week or two so that when you get back she'll have had that time to build up anticipation about seeing you again. Good luck!
Geishawhelk Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 For further confusion, see this thread....!! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140151/
Lovelybird Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 probably it is not about you lack of elements. If she had bad abusive relationships before you, then I guess she was thrilled by that. the extreme up-and-down, cold and warm maybe gave her a false sense of 'deeply in love with' that man, but that really isn't. and that isn't a good way for living I had one experience of abusive relationship long before, now I think back, that was unhealthy, addiction, and I dislike him very much now. in a long term sense she may appreciates you more
Geishawhelk Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 What is that missing element that prevents her from being in-love with me? Intimacy. variety. Electricity. 'Familiarity breeds contempt.' Over-familiarity breeds estrangement. It then turns to indifference..... I hate to put the kybosh on 2008, but it's very, very difficult in situations like this one, to turn the clock back.
mysideofthebed Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) I notice the longer people are in a relationship their initial feelings change. This is because each person becomes confortable in the relationship and all that was facinating and new has become routine or even non exisitant. When your GF says she loves you this means she cares for you deeply. She loves and respect element of the relationship, you are her companion, the person she relys on, her best friend. If she said she is "in love" with you this means she thinks about you every second of the day, she can't wait to see you so she could hold you in her arms and feel your warmth, her passion for you runs deep, you are her lover, friend, future all rolled up in one. Just think "in love" means love to the tenth power.. Do you feel the same for her? Do you show her how you feel? What do you do to keep the relationship from being stagant? M. Edited January 7, 2008 by mysideofthebed
Rooster_DAR Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Intimacy. variety. Electricity. 'Familiarity breeds contempt.' Over-familiarity breeds estrangement. It then turns to indifference..... I hate to put the kybosh on 2008, but it's very, very difficult in situations like this one, to turn the clock back. You forgot fantasy and lack of all that's logical. :lmao::lmao:
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