hummingbird04 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 ok so i have been dating this guy for almost 5 months and we have had this huge issue hanging over us since about 2 months into the relationship. when we first started going out i had made comments about my ex's to him. he was talking about taking kick boxing and i made the comment i had a ex how kick boxed and how his coach wanted me to take it up as well. i also had told him about my past that i once was engaged and i moved from through a couple states with this guy. basically he know everything about my past. but now he thinks that i still hold on to these guys and hink about them. alot of the comment i made i didn't think about what i was saying and now he won't forgive me he says i know how to fixs it but i haven't done it and i am so confused! i have told him he is the best love i have ever had he is better looking than all the others he is the best guy from top to bottom inside and out but he still keeps bring this up and asking me why did i tell him he didn't want to know. i feel horriable for not being able to fix the problem but i just don't know what to do i ahev said sorry and told him they mean nothing to me but he doesn't believe me. please someone help me out. he won't forgive me and i don't know if this can or will ever go away. he actually has dreams about me with other guys every night i don't want this for him or for us. but i don't know how to fix the problem.
sneak817 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Wow, well I can tell you from being a guy this is he own insecurity that's causing the problem. He doesn't feel good enough for you, and the more you try to convince him that he is the more it's going to sound like BS to him. This is what you I would do if I were you... sit him down when he's upset.. Hold his hand and look him straight in the eyes, and tell him he is the love of your life… you mean the world to me.. Pause.. And say I love you.. and kiss him.. DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT EX'S!! all this doing is reminding him of them, and once you say that it's going to come off like BS. If anything remember EX is the trigger word, if you have to bring them up say "them" or something. Best of luck, but he's going to test you. Trust me though eye contact is a killer, if you follow the plan he'll get over it in no time.
rosalie Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 If and when a guy says these things to me... I run a mile.... Having said that I take it that you don't babble on about your ex-es all the time, if you don't and he's focusing on them, he is insecure and that will probably lead to heartbreak for all. i've just come out of a relationship that was similar, if he can't deal with your past then your future is shakey and the insecurity could get worse. I don't believe in not discussing past relationships, as long as it's not the common topic it should be addressed on some level at some point especially the older you get. hummingbird, if you need to tell him he is the best love and the best looking all the time you maybe should reconsider, a good relationship means that trust and reality and honesty comes naturally, don't get yourself into a position where you are having to prop up his self esteem all the time, if he doesn't like himself he can't like anyone. sorry to be blunt but experience has taught me this. Let us know how you go
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