jessbaby24 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Well im sitting here all alone tonight havent heard from my guy (im the OW by the way.I took a preg. test few days ago and it came out positive.I go to my doctor Monday to find out for sure.But im debating whether i should tell him about the preganancy or not. We havent really been in touch lately.He texted me 2:50 a.m. this morning.Im guessing he was lonely and drunk at that time.I texted him back today but he hasnt responded back.Im feeling really low right now cuz i know what i done was wrong anyways now possibly a baby is on the way. I knew it was going to happen cuz we were careless and had unprotected sex a couple of times and i told him i wasnt on birth control. He's always told me if i got pregnant he would take care of me and the baby. Yea we will see about that when he already has two kids at home.Im just so confused i do want to tell him but in a way i dont cuz i dont him to think im tryin to trap him with this baby!!!:(:(
Enema Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Forget him for now. You should be more concerned about the pregnancy situation and concentrate on what you're going to do. Are you emotionally and financially able to have a baby right now? You will need a metric ton of money, support and time on your hands to do this right. You have options, but time is ticking.
Gwyneth Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 This happened to me a few years back and I chose to have an abortion. It was horrid and an experience that still haunts me. I am not regretful of my decision, though--it was the right choice. The guy I had been dating and I were not really in the best relationship. He might have cheated on me--I am not certain. The night I was going to tell him I had missed my period was the same night he chose to end our R--this was before I even had the opportunity to tell him I was late. I knew that if I told him after he had ended our R that I was late, he was going to accuse me of trying to trap him--it's inevitable. I believe a week or so later I had told him I missed my period. He was torn, and had told his best friend whom I shared a house with at the time during college, and together the two of them made the rest of my school year a living hell. They had all their friends and the guys in the house convinced I was crazy and was using this as a reason to keep him in my life. I later found out I was pregnant and kept it to myself. Still to this day he does not know I was pregnant and had an abortion, and I do not think I'd ever tell him--he just doesn't deserve to know. I believe a part of him knew I was, but he was So convinced that I was crazy that he chose Not to admit he believed I was. It was devestating and just cannot compare to what I am dealing with in my current affair with the MM. Jess, you have to do what is best for you. Be prepared that he will accuse you of being crazy and trapping him--like I said, it's inevitable. Choosing to have an abortion is a Huge decision and something that will most likely haunt you for the rest of your life. I still have visions from that very day that I will probably Never get over. I have no regrets though--I was not prepared to be pregnant And / Or become a mother. I could have given the child up for adoption, but at that time, I wasn't emotionally or mentall or even physically in any shape or form prepared for a full-term pregnancy. These are things you need to think about at this point--am I ready for a pregnancy, and am I ready to become a mother. Consider the fact that you will most likely be a single-parent--that was the major concern for myself. I saw what my mother had to go through as a child with my sister and I and I just didn't want to have to do that myself. It's hard, and you need to take all things into consideration. Chances are this guy may run--he already does a great job at ignoring you (I believe that is you, I may have you confused with someone else on here). Best of luck Gwyneth
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Forget him for now. You should be more concerned about the pregnancy situation and concentrate on what you're going to do. Are you emotionally and financially able to have a baby right now? You will need a metric ton of money, support and time on your hands to do this right. You have options, but time is ticking. OMG! You don't need a metric ton of money for goodness sakes...If all you can do is be mean and dire, stay off this thread... OP: Have you decided if you are going to keep the baby? How do you feel about it? Are you for one way or against another? Take the time you need to decide...If you want to keep this baby, there are ways...You don't have to be rich, you just have to want this baby more than anything in the world and make the necessary sacrifices...It is doable... I don't want to say too much because I don't know which way you're leaning...All I want to say is that I am thinking of you and hope that you make the right decision for you... Please talk to a friend about this...You might want to talk to an IC also...This is not the end of your life...This just might be a new beginning... Please keep posting...Put unsupportive people on ignore... (((HUGS))) GEL
kchiapet95 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Oh, honey. Hang in there. Is this your first?
Author jessbaby24 Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 Thanks for the support you guys.Yea this is my first child and im planning to keep it.I am able to take care of this child by myself and i have a feeling im going to be a single mom anyways.Im leanin to not telling him because i know that he might say that im tryin to trap him even though it took both of us to make this baby.
MrsHellnoFire Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 (edited) Forget him for now. You should be more concerned about the pregnancy situation and concentrate on what you're going to do. Are you emotionally and financially able to have a baby right now? You will need a metric ton of money, support and time on your hands to do this right. You have options, but time is ticking. Let me get this straight.. are you the authority on doing it "right" and perfect? I've never known one perfect parent. You really have a high opinion of yourself. Options and time is ticking? Now why would that be?? I think she already said she decided "what [she's] going to do". Wow.. are you this fearful of living life? You really sound like you are. If everyone waited until they were "ready" .. there would be nobody walking the earth. Edited December 28, 2007 by MrsHellnoFire
OWoman Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Thanks for the support you guys.Yea this is my first child and im planning to keep it.I am able to take care of this child by myself and i have a feeling im going to be a single mom anyways.Im leanin to not telling him because i know that he might say that im tryin to trap him even though it took both of us to make this baby. Jess, I think right now you need to focus on yourself and the pregnancy, and leave him as a secondary concern. Let's hope the doctor's news is what you want to hear, whichever way that is, and take it from there. Many of us on this board are single parents - yes, it does take lots of time, lots of money, lots of energy, but there's never enough of that, never a right time, and if you've decided you want to keep the child then you need to ignore the cynics and be the best parent you can. Perhaps in deciding whether or not to tell him you should think about what role you'd want him to play in your child's life, as well as what life he'd play in yours. I'm not sure about your country, but here guys are legally obliged to pay child support whether or not they have any contact with the child. (Access and custody are determined by a different court, in a separate hearing, and maintenance in the maintenance court.) You may also have access to child support grants or other financial assistance if you need? Hugs, Jess - this can't be an easy time for you.
Meaplus3 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Well im sitting here all alone tonight havent heard from my guy (im the OW by the way.I took a preg. test few days ago and it came out positive.I go to my doctor Monday to find out for sure.But im debating whether i should tell him about the preganancy or not. We havent really been in touch lately.He texted me 2:50 a.m. this morning.Im guessing he was lonely and drunk at that time.I texted him back today but he hasnt responded back.Im feeling really low right now cuz i know what i done was wrong anyways now possibly a baby is on the way. I knew it was going to happen cuz we were careless and had unprotected sex a couple of times and i told him i wasnt on birth control. He's always told me if i got pregnant he would take care of me and the baby. Yea we will see about that when he already has two kids at home.Im just so confused i do want to tell him but in a way i dont cuz i dont him to think im tryin to trap him with this baby!!!:(:( Gosh I really feel for you! Most important right now is for you to take care of yourself and the pregnancy all else is very secondary! Should he know about this? IMOP YES, however not right now! Please try and relax and be good to yourself here for the sake of your baby on the way. Best of luck to you. Hug's! AP:)
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Forget him for now. You should be more concerned about the pregnancy situation and concentrate on what you're going to do. Are you emotionally and financially able to have a baby right now? You will need a metric ton of money, support and time on your hands to do this right. You have options, but time is ticking. Um whats wrong with this? its sound advice all be it kinda blunt and to the point but sound. She should be worrying more about the baby and herself it this moment rather then the MM no? It takes alot of strenth and some decent level of secutity in life to raise a baby. Thats not trying to be a know it all parent thats just a fact. In the end only she can make this desion no one else. But how can she make the right one for her if all that is on her mind is him? Poster #1 take some time away from this man try to relax and do some serious thinking about everything. Which way would you like your life to honestly go with out considering him in the picture. It dosent sound like your overly happy in the relashionship or you have that much faith in him. These are also things to realy think about and consider.
child_of_isis Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Who gives a damn what he thinks. Tell him anyway. He didn't think of his 2 children while banging you.. Yea we will see about that when he already has two kids at home.Im just so confused i do want to tell him but in a way i dont cuz i dont him to think im tryin to trap him with this baby!!!:(:(
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Who gives a damn what he thinks. Tell him anyway. He didn't think of his 2 children while banging you. And he diden't think to much of you to not suggest even useing protection as well. I wouldent tell him I would just move on with my life and forget him if it was me. But yea thinking about it how could he think you are trying to trap him? Its not like you ripped the condom off him and forced yourself on him. You bouth chose not to use it or any protection no surley he dosent think babys come from santa clause lol?
OpenBook Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Thanks for the support you guys.Yea this is my first child and im planning to keep it.I am able to take care of this child by myself and i have a feeling im going to be a single mom anyways.Im leanin to not telling him because i know that he might say that im tryin to trap him even though it took both of us to make this baby. Welcome to the real world. There are many, many of us -- both single and married -- who have raised our children by ourselves. You're going to be all right. If I were you, I WOULD tell the MM. He may be able to help out financially, and even have a relationship with the child (he is, after all, the father)... although it is going to be totally your call whether spending time with him will be good for your child down the road. But as far as everything else goes, please try not to worry. Everything has a way of working out for the best. Being a mom is the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. My D is an adult now and our relationship is very very precious and sacred to me. And I'm extremely glad I had her when I was young (early 20's). So again, everything has a way of working out. Take it from someone who has been through the Single Mom thing!
Author jessbaby24 Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 Perhaps in deciding whether or not to tell him you should think about what role you'd want him to play in your child's life, as well as what life he'd play in yours. I'm not sure about your country, but here guys are legally obliged to pay child support whether or not they have any contact with the child. (Access and custody are determined by a different court, in a separate hearing, and maintenance in the maintenance court.) You may also have access to child support grants or other financial assistance if you need? Hugs, Jess - this can't be an easy time for you. Im in the U.S. so i know he has an obligation to see his child and pay child support.I talked to him on the phone last night but couldnt bring myself to tell him about the baby. I mean i never see him so how will he ever have time to see his child. He has a great heart and can be sweetest most caring man most of the time but he has alot of issues. He claimes that he's not ignoring me his woman is just around and is more suspicious about what he's doing so it makes it hard for him to come out and see me etc. So how will he be able to get out and see his child ???????
norajane Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 He claimes that he's not ignoring me his woman is just around and is more suspicious about what he's doing so it makes it hard for him to come out and see me etc. So how will he be able to get out and see his child ??????? "His woman" will have to be told about the child. He can't sneak around and hide it from her for the rest of his life.
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 He legally will have to pay you child support, but he isn't obligated to see his child. You may want him to, but if he does a 180 and decides to not do what you want him to do, unfortunately for you, he has that right. You need to tell him the truth, that you are pregnant. The longer you put it off, the more you will feel uneasy.
MrsHellnoFire Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Im in the U.S. so i know he has an obligation to see his child and pay child support.I talked to him on the phone last night but couldnt bring myself to tell him about the baby. I mean i never see him so how will he ever have time to see his child. He has a great heart and can be sweetest most caring man most of the time but he has alot of issues. He claimes that he's not ignoring me his woman is just around and is more suspicious about what he's doing so it makes it hard for him to come out and see me etc. So how will he be able to get out and see his child ??????? Tell him at a time in which you feel is the right time. I wouldn't cause any added stress to my situation and pregnancy by discussing this with him too prematurely. Make sure you are 100% positive in your decision before you allow him or anyone else to "weigh in". Honestly, you have to be strong in your decision and your prerogatives.
Gwyneth Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 While I never told the creep who impregnated me, I still have no regrets. I know it would be a different case had I chose to keep the child. I would have told him as he had a right to know and it would have been My obligation to tell him. Now, having him in the child's life would have been a different case--I wouldn't have wanted him in the child's life as he is a walking disease and has horrible habbits (ie. smokes weed, and has a bit of a drinking problem). I would expect that he would be financially supportive--but that would be up to him because I believe men have a choice just as much as women have a choice. He had asked though that if I am pregnant, please have an abortion (so nice of him to have given me some options). Tell the father of your child when you feel the time is right, but please don't make him be a part of the child's life. That is up to you, but he has a choice too, and he already has two babies to care for--don't expect too much financially. Seek help if you need it--there's help for everyone out there. Best of luck hun.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Tell the father of your child when you feel the time is right, but please don't make him be a part of the child's life. That is up to you, but he has a choice too, and he already has two babies to care for--don't expect too much financially. Seek help if you need it--there's help for everyone out there. Best of luck hun. She may not have the choise as to weither or not hes a part of the childs life he as the father can request/demand visatation. And if she refuses the courts can order it so its realy not totaly up to her at that point. Now I am confused as to why you say don't expect to much financial support? so what he has to other babys. It was his choise to run around and get another women pregg let him work 12 jobs if he has to I say. Why should poster#1 have to turn to gov aid if thats what your hinting to when you say theres help for every one. Which might I add that help isent much if you are compleatly honest about the situation. They only give people like that bearly enough to survive on most times. Na let the j*rk eat cornflaks 7 nights a week and pay for his fun to ALL his children!! Hi poster #1 I was reading one of your posts before and you say he can't be around you because of "his women" This guy sounds like a piece of getto s**t talking about his wife like that. Is that the kind of father you want for your child or the kind of man you see yourself with long term? "his women" might as well be his dog the way he talkes about her dosent seam like a great catch there.
Gwyneth Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 There's plenty of help out there. She can live in low-income or moderate-income housing, there's welfare, and I am sure there is support for single mom's out there. These are some of the things i had looked into when I had found out I was pregnant. What I mean about not expecting him to help out financially is that he may not be willing to. Right now she should focus on a healthy pregnancy and what ever else is majorly important in her life right now. Fighting with this man over financials isn't healthy at all for her at this time, especially since she is only in her first trimester.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 There's plenty of help out there. She can live in low-income or moderate-income housing, there's welfare, and I am sure there is support for single mom's out there. These are some of the things i had looked into when I had found out I was pregnant. What I mean about not expecting him to help out financially is that he may not be willing to. Right now she should focus on a healthy pregnancy and what ever else is majorly important in her life right now. Fighting with this man over financials isn't healthy at all for her at this time, especially since she is only in her first trimester. You may have looked into it but at one point when I was a child my family were actualy on it for some time. And I can honestly tell you it isent alot of help most times. That low income houseing your talking about has a 5 to 8 year wateing list in most states to get into and thats after your aproved for it. Untill then they can give you a voucher for a few nights at the flea bag motell of your choise of course! The only ones who can survive on gov services are people on perm ssi or ssd and even then its not enought to actualy live on a decent level most of the time on your own. Now if she went in there with 12 of her nabors kids and said they were all hers then she may have a chance. The help for single mothers is a tiney bit better but they don't provide houseing you may get formula and some dipers from time to time. But thats about it honestly I'm not trying to frighten #1 but I'm not going to sugar coat the situation far as gov aid goes.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I do agree tho she needs to start relaxing and doing some serious thinking about the hole situation and stop worrying about the sleeze ball in genral so much.
Gwyneth Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I applied for moderate-income housing in July and was approved in November and am moving into a brand new apartment this coming week under moderate-income. It's possible, and doesn't hurt to try. I find that the more research you do, the more you find out, and the better luck you have. Yes, she does need to relax and take care of her growing baby at this time.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I applied for moderate-income housing in July and was approved in November and am moving into a brand new apartment this coming week under moderate-income. It's possible, and doesn't hurt to try. I find that the more research you do, the more you find out, and the better luck you have. Yes, she does need to relax and take care of her growing baby at this time. Well congrats I don't know what lotto you won then but you are def the exception to the houseing rule. I was orignaly from nj and I can tell you there they don't care if your homeless there its a 5 to 8 year wait perioid! for any low houseing. But this is all now off topic back to poster # I hope shes feeling ok today..
Gwyneth Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Well congrats I don't know what lotto you won then but you are def the exception to the houseing rule. I was orignaly from nj and I can tell you there they don't care if your homeless there its a 5 to 8 year wait perioid! for any low houseing. But this is all now off topic back to poster # I hope shes feeling ok today.. I wanted to PM you but it doesnt look like I can. It's actually in NJ--what a coincidence. Yes, I too hope Jess is feeling okay today and every day.
Recommended Posts