lisap Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend for 15 months now and he had a bad split from his previous relationship. There have been some hurtfull lies told along the way mainly about his ex. Just recently i found a document in which he has typed that he is having recurring dreams about his ex in which they are having sex. I am very upset and confused as i am mentioned as his "current girlfriend". It also says that they always leave on good terms and he wakes up feeling shaken like she has just broken up with him yesterday and he gets upset. He says that he is over her but i am not convinced. I need some help i dont know what to do or what to say as he insures me i have taken it all out of context and am worried over nothing.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 I think you may be taking the whole dream out of context.. He cant control his dreams.. I understand that their have to at least be some kind of emotional attachment still there if he is thinking about her. Have you asked him how does he feel about her?
Keara Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Sometimes our dreams are representations of conflicts we have within ourselves. If you're bf is being honest with himself and with you about being "over" the ex, then potentially the exgf is a representation of his fear of losing you. Kind of a mental psych-out to emotionally prepare him for when he believes you will eventually leave him. It might be more of an issue of insecurity on his part regarding you commitment to him, then anything to do with the ex. I know this is painful for you, and it would be for anyone in this situation. If you can put aside your feelings for a bit, it might help the both of you to talk about it. Help him sort through the feelings he's having, and what's causing him to dream of that particular time of his life. It'd be really hard to stay unbiased though through all that, but if you can do that it might be helpful to the relationship. On the other hand, if you don't feel capable of pulling that off without reacting emotionally (I'd react), then maybe coax him into talking to someone else he trusts about this... a friend, a pastor, a parental type figure. The goal is to give him the freedom to find the answers he needs to put those dreams to rest. Those answers might not involve you, or they might be ones that affect you negatively, but in the long run he'll have to deal with the situation sooner or later. Give him a hand in how to deal with it now in a healthy manner, rather then force him to hide his feelings and thoughts until one day without warning everything blows up in your faces.
Author lisap Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 Thanks for your opinion i really needed someone esle to coment. He has told me many times that he is over her and that we have to trust eachother. I just feel very uncomfortable with this as i can see this leading to him going back to her. He is very defensive when we talk about it. He doent reallt talk to me much about any feelings he is having.
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