MizzouFan1985 Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Here is the situation. A girl asked me out a couple of months ago, we had a good time, I didn't ask her out again (for personal reasons). Anyway, I recently determined that I did have feelings for her and want to try to make a go of it. I have asked her on a few dates, which we have done (when she has time available) and had a good time. It seems I am the one having to initiate everything - she rarely calls me and never asks me to do anything. Because of what happened previously, I have been reticent to initiate the physical phase until we get to know each other better. No kissing yet, but we did have a nice hug (which she started) on our last movie date. What are people's thoughts on this? Does she have her guard up? Am I not being clear enough to her about my intentions? How should I deal with the situation?
EYECANDY000 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 of course she has he guard up.. You guys went out on a date, and from how you decscribe you never gave her a reason as to why she never heard from you again. She is probaly going out with you because she ha an interst in you and see what your motives are.
Legend Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 I hate women that do this.... My assumption would be she's dating others on the side, and just likes the attention...
D-Lish Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 She probably does have her guard up. If she liked you initially and you never called her again- it's natural to remain skeptical. that is why she isn't initiating anything. I wouldn't initiate anything either- I'd be cautious and a bit guarded...because she now knows you are capable of simply disappearing. If you like her- keep being the initiator for a while. She's probably wondering if you are going to bolt again, so you'll have to build some trust and intent here. Good news is- she went out with you again. I don't think I would have. Yeah- you may have to work for her a bit. i think that's all it is.
jerbear Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 I feel your pain! I am in the process right now with a perspective. I would have to agree with other posters that her guard is up. Maybe she is scared? Who knows... I would also like to add that people act funny around New Years relationship wise. Anyway, I have been the initiator with the perspective and did not let minor setbacks because she didn't return my calls the same day. She would return them a few hours later, the next day, or whenever she feels like it. If you feel she is special, well stick with it but do note that you should still be yourself and do your own thing. When you two are together, make it a great time and make it fun. Make her awe, scream or whatever tickles her fancy. Also do make a move as in get that special hug, go for a kiss, touch, rub, get physical!! She how she responds. Do some of the chasing but don't let life pass you by either.
Jilly Bean Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 She asked you out, you had a good time, and then you didn't call her again (what were the personal reasons?). And now you decide you want her, and you are peeved she isn't initiating anything? Er, like D-lish said, I would never go out with you again on principle. She is probably very cautious with you, and likes you, but since you flaked on her before, she is expecting it again. I think the only way to remedy this, is to fess up with her about why you went MIA before, tell the truth, and then ask her if she wants something more exclusive going forward. But, considering how you treated her before, don't expect her to fall at your feet.
Meaplus3 Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Here is the situation. A girl asked me out a couple of months ago, we had a good time, I didn't ask her out again (for personal reasons). Anyway, I recently determined that I did have feelings for her and want to try to make a go of it. I have asked her on a few dates, which we have done (when she has time available) and had a good time. It seems I am the one having to initiate everything - she rarely calls me and never asks me to do anything. Because of what happened previously, I have been reticent to initiate the physical phase until we get to know each other better. No kissing yet, but we did have a nice hug (which she started) on our last movie date. What are people's thoughts on this? Does she have her guard up? Am I not being clear enough to her about my intentions? How should I deal with the situation? I guess I would question your personal reason's first here? Not uncommon for her to have her guard up, as the situation is new. She probably need's sometime to feel you out. I would tell her just how you feel, that's the best way IMOP to figure out where she's at! Good luck! AP:)
Author MizzouFan1985 Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 I need to clarify something. I didn't disappear from her life. Actually I continued to converse with her (some emails, chatted with her when she was at work). It was more of a case that at the time, I just saw her as a friend and nothing more, thus I didn't ask out on a date. However, as I got to know her better, I started to develop those feelings and became interested in dating. However, I completely agree with the sentiments that her guard is up because she is probably not sure what I am trying to do now. I think all I can do is continue to initiate, continue to show I am interested (including upping the physical contact), etc. However, if she has lost interest, I would not be surprised and I guess you could say I probably deserve it.
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 If the two of you aren't b/f and g/f, why would she initiate? I tend to let the guy run with it, until it becomes a relationship.
Jilly Bean Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 I need to clarify something. I didn't disappear from her life. Actually I continued to converse with her (some emails, chatted with her when she was at work). It was more of a case that at the time, I just saw her as a friend and nothing more, thus I didn't ask out on a date. However, as I got to know her better, I started to develop those feelings and became interested in dating. However, I completely agree with the sentiments that her guard is up because she is probably not sure what I am trying to do now. I think all I can do is continue to initiate, continue to show I am interested (including upping the physical contact), etc. However, if she has lost interest, I would not be surprised and I guess you could say I probably deserve it. Well, if I went out on a date with you and liked you, and then you threw me into "friendzone" and no longer pursued me romantically, and then you "decided" you wanted to date me, I'd tell you to screw off. YOU are the one who flaked and keeps flipping your mind on her, and she has probably thrown you into friendzone for good now sensing that you can't figure out what you want.
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