London Girl Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 My ex and I met via online dating and we dated for 5 weeks. He did all the chasing, initating contact, showering me with affection etc. Then when I thought everything was going well, he called me to say he is sorry but he is not ready for a relationship. This was in late November. He was single for 5 months before meeting me. I accepted it and went no contact. Since dumping me, he sent me an email a few days later wishing me a happy birthday and a week later two random text messages to which I replied out of courtesy but also because I still like this guy. The last contact was over 3 weeks ago. Anyway to try and move on, I signed back on the same dating site yesterday where we met which he is still on and today when I checked my profile, not only did he view my profile but he also sent me a wink which I must admit I did find amusing. However, I don't know what he wants. Why is he still contacting me bearing in mind he is the one that dumped me? He is so wierd! Any advice would be appreciated. I do still like this guy but I'm not prepared to play mind games with him if that's what he is doing. Should I respond back and joke around? I'm in dilemma as if I ignore him then he thinks that I've moved on and I'm not interested.
Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 You have to seriously think about what could the possible outcome be, if you return his friendliness. Are you prepared to be his friend? I honestly wouldn't recommend friendship between two parties, where one party is still interested. It only slows down your process of healing. What he does or feels needs to become moot to you. When this happens, you know you've moved on.
Author London Girl Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 Thanks. To be honest I don't know what he is thinking. I thought it is usually the dumpee that makes the contact etc. when they are dumped but for me it's the other way round. I don't see why he wants to be my friend when we've only known each other for 5 weeks - he did not give us enough time to build a history to be friends. I just don't know what his intentions are. I could respond and be indifferent and friendly but I don't want him to think I am soft and weak like I have no self respect that he has dumped me. He did hurt me as I did and still do like this guy and wanted to get to know him better. Oh what a dilemma!
fabulousgal Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 sounds to me like he is making sure you don't forget about him to keep you as an option. you could argue that it was only 5 weeks so maybe thats ok, but i would think if he is back on a dating site after he got to spend 5 wonderful weeks with you its not a good sign. you should be growing closer and becoming a priority, not remain an option. he wants to see what else is out there, and keep you at bay. cut him off...if he wants you, he will hunt you down. friends schmiends... you probably have enough of those.
D-Lish Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 He sounds flaky. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He winked at you on the dating site? Strange behavior. Perhaps he is the type of guy who can't stand someone not liking him- so he tries to be your friend. I'd ignore him all together and move on. Don't return his texts or messages. If you like him- and he is saying he doesn't want a relationship- and then puts himself back on a dating site.... well- I think you know the answer. You deserve better.
Ping Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 i used to be in the same states as you now, when i meet the guy. i made a choice to give up this feelings. but i am so regreted to do so. please fighting for your love. Do not let it dispear!!! Fighting!
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 You sound like you can move on from him, if you need to. So, do that. He's not sure of you and you don't want that type of insecure or unassured guy.
Author London Girl Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 I do not understand what you mean Ping about keep fighting? I cannot and will not chase this guy since he has dumped me surely? I made a mistake in the past with an ex ex whom I dated for 3 years. I waited patiently for him and did everything on his terms - this went on for a year. Despite all this, he still tells me he does not want me. I felt a fool and had lost my self respect. I told myself I will not make the same mistake again. With this recent ex he is confusing me as hell. I'm thinking whether I would be okay just being friends with him bearing in mind I did not know him that long and we did not have a chance to build a history together. What do you reckon?
Phateless Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Sounds like he wants something casual. I'm assuming you want a relationship or nothing at all? Do you want to be friends? I think you need to decide these things and then that will govern your behavior in response to his hot/cold.
Author London Girl Posted December 29, 2007 Author Posted December 29, 2007 so I had a long chat over the MSN messenger on the dating site with my ex. He obviously still likes me and we flirted abit but we agreed we should be friends. I still think he is not completely over the failure of his last relationship. He said he is currently in that "in between" stage. Is and not ready for a relationship but he wants to settle down and have children but he is worried that it will end in disaster if he rushes things. He said he has not been on any dates with anyone since me as he feels it is not right but he enjoys just chatting to girls on line. I don't know if I am doing the right thing by being his friend. I do genuinely believe he is just not ready for a relationship as I was like him last year - had a few dates with guys but in my heart I was not completely over my ex. Am I doing the right thing just being friends with him and getting to know him this way but also keep my options open with other guys?
Author London Girl Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 Just a little update. Since my ex and I had our chat over the instant messenger thing, he said he had to go as he had to meet his friend for dinner so we ended our conversation. 3 hours later. He sends me a text saying "hey it was fun talking to you again". I text back by saying "likewise buddy". He then text back saying if I was free for lunch tomorrow. I replied by saying that I had plans tomorrow, perhaps another weekend. He did not reply back, I guess he will tomorrow. I really hope that when I meet up with him that I can do it in a platonic way and put the emotional feeling aside. He is a nice guy and I hope I get to know him as a friend but it will be tough as we are both attracted to each other.
jerbear Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I really hope that when I meet up with him that I can do it in a platonic way and put the emotional feeling aside. He is a nice guy and I hope I get to know him as a friend but it will be tough as we are both attracted to each other. A friendship where both are attracted to each other would cause tensions going forward. if both of you can truely be platonic friends then by all means move forward. If any of you two can not then I would suggest keeping your distances. LC, NC, or whatever in between.
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I agree with jerbear. A friendship with underlying sexual tension, with a history of bad blood, can blow up in your face pretty quickly. Avoid at all costs. Unless the two of you are willing to try again, steer clear of an emotion-laden friendship. Make certain both of you have moved on before considering a friendship.
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