stoneymirror Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Here I've highlighted the important points: Background: So my gf (LISA) and I broke up after dating for almost 10 months. We had spent almost every chance we had with one another for 10 months. She slept over every night and we'd spend almost every minute together. We really fell for each other. This was her first real long term relationship, this was my 5th or so. I'm 27, she's 23. I come from a big family, she's an only child. I believe she fell for me a little more than I did for her, she told me on numerous occasions that I was too good for her. ??? The biggest issue we had was the arguing, I am a fighter she was a flighter. When she'd pull something stupid, she'd be very defensive and never give in, and always trying to point the finger back at me. Pure denial time and time again. It would take hours of arguing before she finally let her guard down and admitted she goofed. Things came to an end because I blew up at her for leaving me hanging again. She's done this 5 or 6 times before and I was getting sick of it. The funny thing is, when she use to come home after work, if I didn't drop everything and say hello to her, she'd get upset. Basically she needed my full attention and was very needy for most of this realtionship. I've felt on numerous occasions that she's somewhat selfish, even in the beginning she'd lie about her religious beliefs so we'd continue our relationship. Later I found out she did that so I wouldn't break up with her. She's also admitted numerous times that she's playcated me. So I've lost a lot of trust in her over the time we were together. She just wasn't as honest as I wished she was. Here's the story: My gf (LISA) had a girl friend (JENNY) visiting from out of town and we all planned on having dinner together. So on Friday I called her like usual on my lunch break and she (LISA) never responded. I called again after work and still no reply. At this time I was getting a little frustrated. So I called again about an hour and a half later and she finally picked up and said she never saw I called. At this point I'm pissed, cause she's flat out lying to me. She had 7 hours to look at her phone, and I just can't believe she didn't see that I called. Considering she had a friend (JENNY) in town and was surely looking at her phone. Regardless, when we did speak she basically told me she wanted to deal with it the next day. At this point she hasn't given me the time of day and wasn't interested in talking at this point. Or making me feel okay about the situation. Okay, so I txt her about an hour later saying I'm sorry for getting mad. she replys saying this type of argument just pushes her away. So now I'm thinking her friend is influencing her, because she never use to act like this. We'd usually both reconcile our differences and move on. Note: Her girl friend (JENNY) was in town for a whole week. She came here to visit a guy that she's been talking to. All the while, she has a boyfriend back home. So I'm thinking this girl (JENNY) is really not someone I wanted my current gf (LISA) to be hanging out with. So another couple of hours go bye and I try calling her again, she doesn't pick up. I give it another hour or so and still no answer. At this point she is clearly avoiding my calls. After a couple more hours she eventually picks up and we get in a huge argument and I say it's over. Note, I've told her it's over a bunch of times in the past, I know it's wrong but I get so frustrated that it ends up coming out of my mouth. I've even told her that it's not what I really mean, that I just say it out of frustration. Before this we never took any sort of breaks. We were very close to one another, we'd fight and fight through it and call it a day. Anyhow, a couple more hours pass and I go out to get some gas and I run into her on the street with her and her girlfriend and her girlfriends guy friend. My gf (LISA) at the time is drunk off her butt, and we start arguing in the street. Her girl friend (JENNY) from out of town starts yelling at me and tells my gf at the time to get in the car. And they leave. Days pass and I stop by my gf's work to drop off all her stuff off. but at this point I'm looking to reconcile everything and see if she wants to give it another try. She says she wants a few days to think about things so I give it to her, the next day she comes over and tells me she can't do this anymore. That she loves me, but she can't go through another breakup. (Keep in mind her girl friend Jenny is still in town at this time) The next day I email her telling her that I love her and want to work things out. She says she loves me too, but that too much has happened and things can't be worked out. So I go along with it. I tell her to call me if she's got a change of heart and I leave it at that. About a week later I txt her wishing her a merry xmass and she replied right away. And that's it for now. Even after the breakup she's said she loves me, and is sad that she isn't the right person for me. That she can't give me what I need. I tried begging her not to give up when I stopped by her work days before, but she just didn't see it as a possibility. I made it clear that I wanted to give it another try, and that she may be the one, but she keeps shooting down the idea. Personally I feel that her friend (JENNY) who was visiting, pushed my gf in the wrong direction. I know my gf was hurt that I broke up with her initially, but like I've said before, we've gone through this same thing a couple of times before and we've worked through it. Our fighting styles definately needed to be improved upon, but I was surprised she just ended it, and gave up. We had a great relationship beyond the actual fighting we did. We really loved each other and she told me on numerous occasions that she though I might be the one. So I'm confused at this point. She relied on me so heavily for so long, and was more into me than I was into her, and the minute her girl friend Jenny comes into the picture she's easily persuaded and starts acting completely different. Any advice would help out as to what I should do.
Art_Critic Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 I made it clear that I wanted to give it another try, and that she may be the one, but she keeps shooting down the idea. I think the quoted text above is what you need to pay more attention to... You can't make someone love you and force them in a relationship..If they don't want it then they don't want it. ( She seems to have made it clear that she doesn't want it.. but you can't accept it ). Absence makes the heart grow fonder ( months of it.. not days ).. You need to leave her be and stop contacting her and move on some.. If she really does love you she will turn around and let you know..but in order for it to not drive you nuts you need to let her go in order to let her come back.. No Contact is what I would suggest you do..and by No Contact I mean No Contact.
blind_otter Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 This is a prime example of why you should never break up with your partner unless you seriously want to break up. Never utter the words unless you are serious. Saying this over and over causes irrepairable damage to a relationship.
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