MM went back to his wife.

[frannie]

... first time we finally had sex, within days he went to his wife and confessed that he was in love with me. They went to emergency counseling and he felt he had to try and make a go of working it out with her. He elt we could remain in contact via e-mail and phone but shouldn't see each other.

 

I... suggested no contact. Well, that lasted about a day and I was a mess- hysterical, had a panic attack which I've never had before, etc.. nyhow, we start e-mailing and talking again. After about two weeks he wants to see me... We meet at a park... can't keep our hands off each other. So, then we continue to see each other but far less regularly than before- still e-mailing and talking daily.

 

A week before Christmas we ave a 'date' to exchange gifts... He leaves the next day for a ski trip with wife, kids and family for christmas. While he's there he sends me e-mail saying he can;t be with his wife anymore and he wants us to sit down and work out a plan to be together going forward. I agree. Wife catches him IM-ing me and confronts him. I hear very little from him over the next week.

 

The day after Christmas he says that his wife has shown more committment, passion etc. than he thougt she was capable of, wrote him a poem and framed it for his Christmas gift. They talked, went to more counseling. Crux of it is, he has shut down his e-mail account and told me not to contact him anymore, that I don't have a place in his future. The week before this, he was throwing up at work because he thought I was breaking things off with him over a misunderstanding in e-mail.

 

He actually told his wife about me. He assumed that she would leave him immediately but the fact that she has shown so much committment and passion to keep him has made him think now he can maybe get what he wants from his marriage.

 

I don't plan to have any contact with him but being with him- was the first time I felt like I did ever- and I'm finding it hard to get over it.

 

I'm just looking for a way to move on emotionally. I thought it would get better day by day and it isn't. And I'm worried that he is going to contact me again and throw me back into chaos.

 

that today he called me to tell me that this was the last time he was going to call me, that he was resolved. I was starting to pick myself up and just hearing his voice threw me back into a chaos of emotions.

 

Hello Amy. I'm not sure if you've really given a timescale of how all this happened, but judging by the fact of the last week being on again off again with both you and his W, this whole thing is (in my opinion) going too fast to have any basis in his real feelings, or to show anything much about a likely outcome.

 

Let's recap. You didn't sleep together for a long time at the beginning. Then as soon as you did, he went to his W and confessed he was in love with you. They went to 'emergency counselling' and then he felt he needed to work on the marriage, however, feeling he should still be in contact with you, hence sabotaging any 'work' anyway, so you suggested NC. Which lasted one day because you couldn't stick to it (well fair enough). So two weeks into 'working on it' with his W he decides to see you, you have some physical contact, and after that less contact (guilt? had what he wanted and regretted it? who knows). During this time he freaks out because of some misunderstanding you two had and he thought he'd lost you.

 

This brings us to about two weeks ago. You meet for a date, after which he goes on vacation with the family and once again decides it's you he wants to be with. Then his W catches him IMing and it's back to little contact. During which time he once again decides to be with his W, and sends you an 'its over' email.

 

Now, what I don't understand... why did he call you (since you started this thread) to tell you he's not going to contact you again? Did you ask him to? Or is this another of his flip-flops and sudden life-changing decisions based on a change in the wind?

 

My suggestion is to tell him you are tired of his indecision, you have your marriage/separation to work on, and don't want to hear from him unless he's actually made a decision with some thought behind it and what's more taken some action. Because at the moment all he is doing is flipping and flopping and all you can expect from him is more of the same. Ad infinitum. He is obviously someone who will be content to stay there as long as his W wants to fight for whatever is left of their marriage. So you also fighting for him, or even listening to his 'promises' and 'decisions' is simply counter-productive, sapping your energy, and ignoring your own problems in your own home.

 

Just try to take things one day at a time. YOU need to slow right down as much as he does. You're having panic attacks and he's throwing up at work over this and it's all too intense and going too fast. All this has taken place over such a short period of time there is no way it can reflect anything other than sudden intense desires, panic, fear and the whim of the moment.

 

Give it some time to settle. Distract yourself. And work out your own future, which is all you can control in the end.

Edited December 30, 2007 by frannie
adding

[AmyY]

So, let's see. I think I am doing better. I've started making plans for the future. Husband and I are going to go to counseling if for nothing more than to make ending things more amicable.

 

Here's the deal- don't think my husband is 'the one'. Maybe I am a fool to believe there can be a one, but maybe there is someone who is looking more in the same direction in life as I am. He is 7 years older than I am and at times acts like a father- thinks things I am passionate about are silly. That's hard for me because I am a go-getter, it's not like I am a dreamer. I've been at my current job for 6 years and been promoted numerous times, when my 7 year old was molested by a classmate I pulled her out of school, took on the school district and won. It's not like I've proven to have my head in the clouds, but all he does is drag me down and I resent it. He never initiates sex and I resent it. I pay all the bills, take care of the finances and resent it. So yes, I have some resentment. But I also think we just operate at very different levels of intensity.

 

My husband cheated on me with a friend of mine when I was 3 months pregnant. I stayed because I was afraid- pregnant, not sure how I would handle things on my own and about that time he accepted a job offer in another state, thus removing the OW from the picture. When my daughter was about 15 months old, my husband came home drunk and we got in an argument and he punched me in the face. I grew up in a abusive household and I will not take that from anyone, so I caled the police, he was arrested. He had to go to anger management for a year and we had months of couples counseling. Things have been quite placid since then. I've been distracted with raising my kids and work but now I am feeling a void in my life. Despite the cheating and the domestic violence incident, my husband is truly a good man- just don't think we're great together. We do not bring out the best in each other. Oil isn't bad, water isn't bad but the two don't necessarily go together.

 

When we first got together, I was very overweight and maybe part of me felt like I couldn;t do any better(and I was 18 and how do you choose for the rest of your life when you are 18?). After my first daughter was born I lost the weight, started getting into running, horseback riding- about the same time, my husband who had been totally into working out, hiking, etc. suddenly had no interest in doing anything. He's confessed to having an online wife that he's close to and a woman he works with who he adores because he feels that everything he says to her she finds insightful. He says I am intimidating to talk to because I am intellectually above him(which is ridiculous because one of the reasons I love him so much is because he is a genius). But I can't fix his self-esteem issues and I can't be the one to drag him through all the things I want to experience in life.

 

My feelings for my MM are fading fast. The situation is beyond my control and I have to accept that. I just hope he doesn't contact me again because even hearing his voice just makes me feel peaceful and hopeful and not having that... well, that's hard, hard to let go of someone who makes you feel real and loved. I can't hate him because that isn't the kind of person I am and I know he is trying to do what is best for his family. I know if/when my husband and I divorce I will do everything in my power to remain his close friend(I think we will be even closer when there is not this resentment hanging between us).

 

I guess the most important thing for me these past couple days has been getting a plan together that I can feel good about, something to be excited about that doesn't revolve around love and sex and men. I've turned to my friends for support and realized what a treasure trove I have there- I am a lucky, lucky woman.

 

Thank you for all the wonderful advice. Even some of the painful, less kind comments help because when things hurt a bit there is usually some ounce of truth there and I'm trying above all else to be honest about things right now. I am listening.

 

A.

[AmyY]

Now, what I don't understand... why did he call you (since you started this thread) to tell you he's not going to contact you again? Did you ask him to? Or is this another of his flip-flops and sudden life-changing decisions based on a change in the wind?

 

My suggestion is to tell him you are tired of his indecision, you have your marriage/separation to work on, and don't want to hear from him unless he's actually made a decision with some thought behind it and what's more taken some action. Because at the moment all he is doing is flipping and flopping and all you can expect from him is more of the same. Ad infinitum. He is obviously someone who will be content to stay there as long as his W wants to fight for whatever is left of their marriage. So you also fighting for him, or even listening to his 'promises' and 'decisions' is simply counter-productive, sapping your energy, and ignoring your own problems in your own home.

 

Just try to take things one day at a time. YOU need to slow right down as much as he does. You're having panic attacks and he's throwing up at work over this and it's all too intense and going too fast. All this has taken place over such a short period of time there is no way it can reflect anything other than sudden intense desires, panic, fear and the whim of the moment.

 

Give it some time to settle. Distract yourself. And work out your own future, which is all you can control in the end.

 

Thank you for this excellent advice. No, I did not ask him to call me- he took it upon himself which was a little confusing. And you are so right, I need to get my house in order and deal with my own situation. Maybe that is all this has been is a big distraction from having to deal with the reality of my own situation.

 

I am working on my future, making plans. That helps, alot. And I'm cleaning the house like a madwoman and throwing junk out- lightening my load, so-to-speak. Heh.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful words, much appreciate it.

 

A.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Reposted after update - sorry Amy!

Edited December 31, 2007 by Je Ne Regrette Rien
Reposted after update - sorry Amy!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Oh he cheated!

 

So all this is resentment and payback?

 

Damn that's messed up.

 

Why couldnt you have told the whole story in your first post???

 

And also why take all this time to leave him?

 

I mean clearly he's hurt you and ignored you. All tht time. Why stay for so long without getting your emotional needs met, why didnt you force the issue to begin with?

 

Why have an affair, you only make yourself out to be the bad guy as well by lowering your standards.

[bish]

Agreed, although I wouldn't put it quite so bluntly (the part in bold/italics). I just think that he deserves to have the chance to move on too if she no longer wants to be with him. He may be to into his computer to pay Amy any attention but there will be a woman somewhere that will be happy with that.

 

And maybe there was a reason he was on the computer all the time.

[bish]

Oh he cheated!

 

So all this is resentment and payback?

 

Damn that's messed up.

 

Why couldnt you have told the whole story in your first post???

.

 

No kidding...that would have been good information to know.

 

That pretty much means anything said up until this came to light really doesn't mean a whole lot.

 

Only thing left to say is...just get a divorce. By why waste the money on counseling if you are going to end it? To make things more amicable??

 

Even if that were the reason, that will all go out the window once the divorce proceedings start.

[frannie]

So, let's see. I think I am doing better. I've started making plans for the future. Husband and I are going to go to counseling if for nothing more than to make ending things more amicable.

 

He is 7 years older than I am and at times acts like a father- thinks things I am passionate about are silly... all he does is drag me down and I resent it. He never initiates sex and I resent it. I pay all the bills, take care of the finances and resent it.

 

My husband cheated on me with a friend of mine when I was 3 months pregnant. I stayed because I was afraid...

 

When my daughter was about 15 months old, my husband came home drunk and we got in an argument and he punched me in the face. I grew up in a abusive household and I will not take that from anyone, so I caled the police, he was arrested.

 

Things have been quite placid since then. I've been distracted with raising my kids and work but now I am feeling a void in my life. Despite the cheating and the domestic violence incident, my husband is truly a good man- just don't think we're great together. We do not bring out the best in each other.

 

I think counselling is a good idea, because there is so much resentment here (not without cause) and not much togetherness. Perhaps the two of you really do just bring out the worst in each other, but counselling could help you see clearly whether that is the case, or whether there is something that could be done (with desire and work on both parts)... or whether parting is for the best. Really, unless he's prepared to work on it, who wants a man who doesn't pay the bills, doesn't initiate sex, and has a history of violence? OK some of that is in the distant past, but it might be that the only reason that kind of thing has been avoided more recently is that you've just basically been ignoring each other for years..?

 

Either way, if you go to counselling at least you will know you gave your marriage a chance, and can walk away with a clear conscience if that is what you need to do.

Edited December 31, 2007 by frannie
adding

[OWoman]

I say dump him and be done! Fat lot of good couples counselling has done him - maybe he doesn't hit you any more but he doesn't do much else, by the sounds of it. Still, there's a lot to be said for separation counselling too - having someone rational and disinterested to mediate when it comes to agreeing arrangements for splitting up assets, custody and financial settlements beats having lawyers duelling to the death. Plus, of course, there's the slightest chance that both partners actually get to recognise where they went wrong in the M to avoid it in future Rs.

[OWoman]

No kidding...that would have been good information to know.

 

That pretty much means anything said up until this came to light really doesn't mean a whole lot.

 

Only thing left to say is...just get a divorce. By why waste the money on counseling if you are going to end it? To make things more amicable??

 

Even if that were the reason, that will all go out the window once the divorce proceedings start.

 

Believe it or not (you probably won't) not everybody lives on a Rambo set. Many couples are capable of civilised divorces.

 

Counselling at any stage of a struggling relationship is a good idea, if only to allow the individuals concerned to recognise the futility of continuing and to help them to move on constructively.

[bish]

Believe it or not (you probably won't) not everybody lives on a Rambo set. Many couples are capable of civilised divorces. .

 

You are absolutely correct......I don't believe it. Not saying it can't go fairly smooth...but they are never completely without some sort of fight...unless the man is super rich and doesn't care about money.

[OWoman]

You are absolutely correct......I don't believe it. Not saying it can't go fairly smooth...but they are never completely without some sort of fight...unless the man is super rich and doesn't care about money.

 

Never? Not ever? Guess I've proved you wrong then. My divorce involved no "sort of fight" whatsoever. Even without separation counselling.

 

Amy - keep going with the counselling. Even if it's as effective this time as it was last time, you'll have tried and can put your conscience to rest on that score!

[AmyY]

Oh he cheated!

 

So all this is resentment and payback?

 

Damn that's messed up.

 

Why couldnt you have told the whole story in your first post???

 

And also why take all this time to leave him?

 

I mean clearly he's hurt you and ignored you. All tht time. Why stay for so long without getting your emotional needs met, why didnt you force the issue to begin with?

 

Why have an affair, you only make yourself out to be the bad guy as well by lowering your standards.

 

When I decided to stay after he cheated I took on the responsibility. I had the information, I could have made my decision. This is not revenge for his affair or abuse. I stuck both out because of two reasons- I loved my husband and my children and I wanted to give it a chance. I never wanted to divorce, never wanted to give up.

 

At least back then, even if things were negative- there was passion, I felt sonething- felt sad and angry when he cheated, was devestated when he hit me- now I think about if he were to find another woman and it just seems like I'd be happy for him, relieved for myself.

 

I shouldn't have had an affair but it has served as a catalyst and a learning ecperience. The real negative, given that I've already had the affair, is if there is no forward motion gained from it.

[AmyY]

No kidding...that would have been good information to know.

 

That pretty much means anything said up until this came to light really doesn't mean a whole lot.

 

Only thing left to say is...just get a divorce. By why waste the money on counseling if you are going to end it? To make things more amicable??

 

Even if that were the reason, that will all go out the window once the divorce proceedings start.

 

I don;t consider the past all that relevant because we were very good after those things happened- for a time we were very happy and loving. My issue now is that we're like roomates, he pays little attention to me despite all the affetion and compliments I give him. It's like "Scratch my back, and my back will be scratched" with him.

 

I have made my decision but he is very much in denial. And I love him and don;t want him to end up alone and miserable. But I don;t want to be in a dismal marriage. So I am trying to work through this, trying to get him to a place where he can see that maybe we are both better off as the friends we were meant to be and not as husband and wife. And counseling-- we have two children together, we need to do this right for the kids-- having an affair didn;t help in that direction though he is being very understanding, blaming himself, etc. I think eventually anger will kick in and I want him to understand why I did it. Hell, I want to understand why I did it.

 

And maybe I am an idealist, an optimist-- but I think with support, we can get through this without it being horribly ugly.

[AmyY]

I guess I also am odd. At 18 I knew what I wanted in life and who I loved. I married at 20 and felt it was for life, good, bad, ugly....it didn't matter I loved him and only him. It also never occured to me to betray him, I guess there are some odd balls in the world.

 

Well, I supppose that you are precocious, mature and lucky. I have to admit that I and others I know were not capable of making a lifelong decision at the young age of 18. Would that I were I wouldn't be here.

[AmyY]

I say dump him and be done! Fat lot of good couples counselling has done him - maybe he doesn't hit you any more but he doesn't do much else, by the sounds of it. Still, there's a lot to be said for separation counselling too - having someone rational and disinterested to mediate when it comes to agreeing arrangements for splitting up assets, custody and financial settlements beats having lawyers duelling to the death. Plus, of course, there's the slightest chance that both partners actually get to recognise where they went wrong in the M to avoid it in future Rs.

 

I agree about the counseling. I am terrified that going forward I will end up in the same place. Almost thinking maybe I am better off on my own, maybe permanently. I don't know. Maybe I am too screwed up to pick someone really right for me.

[AmyY]

I think counselling is a good idea, because there is so much resentment here (not without cause) and not much togetherness. Perhaps the two of you really do just bring out the worst in each other, but counselling could help you see clearly whether that is the case, or whether there is something that could be done (with desire and work on both parts)... or whether parting is for the best. Really, unless he's prepared to work on it, who wants a man who doesn't pay the bills, doesn't initiate sex, and has a history of violence? OK some of that is in the distant past, but it might be that the only reason that kind of thing has been avoided more recently is that you've just basically been ignoring each other for years..?

 

Either way, if you go to counselling at least you will know you gave your marriage a chance, and can walk away with a clear conscience if that is what you need to do.

 

I do want to walk away knowing I did everything. I have to say, when I look at my husband- though I feel love for him, affection and I hate to hurt him-- I also feel resentment and often this flat emptiness. I almost never feel any sort of attraction for him anymore, either. And yes, we have been ignoring each other. We both learned what triggered the violent behavior and avoid those triggers. My husband has really been shut down for years now. I just don;t think I can do it anymore, but I'm willing to go to counseling to do the last ditch effort...

[bish]

Never? Not ever? Guess I've proved you wrong then. My divorce involved no "sort of fight" whatsoever. Even without separation counselling.

 

Amy - keep going with the counselling. Even if it's as effective this time as it was last time, you'll have tried and can put your conscience to rest on that score!

 

You didn't prove anyone wrong. Its just like I live by the code..once a cheater always a cheater....now do I believe someone ever becomes reformed?...not really...but I think its possible...maybe like 2 or 5% never cheat again.

 

But I'm not going to take a chance on a known cheater that they are in that miniscule percentage.

[CallMeCrazy]

Only a weak man needs 2 women. One each side. Holding him up as he hobbles through life.

 

I really like this quote.... gave me a lot to think about...

 

Hang in the A ~ IMO he is not going to leave his W or perhaps is not ready to leave his W? I know in my experience, it took my MM a long time to "get there" mentally. In the meantime, you do need to focus on you. Keep doing all those things you love ~ being outside and healthy inside and out. What is meant to be will and you'll end up with the man of your dreams!!

[PLAYBRAT]

WOW..sounds like a roller coaster CMC!!!

 

The mm I was interested in who recently married his "transitional woman"

has the "crippled man' syndrome. I believe he is afraid of being alone.So

he has to have a woman waiting in the wings before he makes a decision. It's pretty sad actually.

 

CMC, I just hope you areen't getting yourself in the middle of something

you can't get yourself out of.I consider myself lucky that I dodged

the bullet with MM. At the time I was hurt, and felt like SHE was

better than me...but the truth is he was too chicken**** to be alone.

If I were you I would NOT jump into a full fledged R with MM even

if he says it's what he wants. It is not uncommon for men to leave the

transitional woman once he is free from the marriage.

 

Just look after yourself and be cautious!!!!

Edited January 2, 2008 by PLAYBRAT

[sapphire0903]

I would suggest to focus and simplify as much as you can.........I suggest focusing on your marriage, and the separation,......if that is what you intend to do, divorce is hard enough.

I know you cant think past MM right now,..that is why NC is so important to you,.......you have to think clearly, and he is right there muddling your thoughts......that is not what your needing is it?????

 

The best way to eliminate drama ( I think) is just to remove yourself from the situation........MM would be the first to go,....then, if it is over, your marriage.

 

Good luck

[OWoman]

You didn't prove anyone wrong. Its just like I live by the code..once a cheater always a cheater....now do I believe someone ever becomes reformed?...not really...but I think its possible...maybe like 2 or 5% never cheat again.

 

But I'm not going to take a chance on a known cheater that they are in that miniscule percentage.

 

What does any of that ramble have to do with what I challenged you on?

 

You said it was NEVER possible for divorce to happen without fights over stuff. I proved you wrong by citing a single instance where that didn't happen - my own divorce. If someone claims something is not possible, and someone else can show that it has in fact happened, then yes, they have proved them wrong. Changing the subject and trying to weasel out of it doesn't make them less wrong, it just makes them wrong and too weasely to admit it. Not a good quality in a relationship, I imagine. But hey have fun with your "code" (you & Dan Brown...) Whatever floats your lilo, I guess.

 

Sorry OP for the t/j...

[bish]

What does any of that ramble have to do with what I challenged you on?

 

Point was I do admit there are remote possibilities to everything...but so is winning the lottery. You were asking me "never?" "ever?" So I answered.

 

You said it was NEVER possible for divorce to happen without fights over stuff. I proved you wrong by citing a single instance where that didn't happen - my own divorce.

 

Yup...and my point was there are rare exceptions...but the majority of divorces don't go like yours....sorry.

 

If someone claims something is not possible, and someone else can show that it has in fact happened, then yes, they have proved them wrong. Changing the subject and trying to weasel out of it doesn't make them less wrong, it just makes them wrong and too weasely to admit it. Not a good quality in a relationship, I imagine. But hey have fun with your "code" (you & Dan Brown...) Whatever floats your lilo, I guess.

 

I will have fun with my code...and it will serve me well....if knowing someone is a cheater or has bedded down married people helps me avoid a huge mistake...damn right I'm gonna live by that code. Sure someone that hasn't cheated or slept with married people can turn out to be a mistake...but its a certainty that it will be a mistake if they have. I'm not going to jump in the lion's pit. If I accidentally fall in it...thats a different story.

 

And I didn't change the subject with my example in the previous post...you do know what an "example" is right?

 

And am I really wanting to get in an argument because you wanted to stick your nose up in the air and beat your chest over trying to say I was proven wrong? Rare exceptions happen...but I'm still going to go with what happens the majority of the time.

[Havn_a_life]

So, let's see. I think I am doing better. I've started making plans for the future. Husband and I are going to go to counseling if for nothing more than to make ending things more amicable.

 

Here's the deal- don't think my husband is 'the one'. Maybe I am a fool to believe there can be a one, but maybe there is someone who is looking more in the same direction in life as I am. He is 7 years older than I am and at times acts like a father- thinks things I am passionate about are silly. That's hard for me because I am a go-getter, it's not like I am a dreamer. I've been at my current job for 6 years and been promoted numerous times, when my 7 year old was molested by a classmate I pulled her out of school, took on the school district and won. It's not like I've proven to have my head in the clouds, but all he does is drag me down and I resent it. He never initiates sex and I resent it. I pay all the bills, take care of the finances and resent it. So yes, I have some resentment. But I also think we just operate at very different levels of intensity.

 

My husband cheated on me with a friend of mine when I was 3 months pregnant. I stayed because I was afraid- pregnant, not sure how I would handle things on my own and about that time he accepted a job offer in another state, thus removing the OW from the picture. When my daughter was about 15 months old, my husband came home drunk and we got in an argument and he punched me in the face. I grew up in a abusive household and I will not take that from anyone, so I caled the police, he was arrested. He had to go to anger management for a year and we had months of couples counseling. Things have been quite placid since then. I've been distracted with raising my kids and work but now I am feeling a void in my life. Despite the cheating and the domestic violence incident, my husband is truly a good man- just don't think we're great together. We do not bring out the best in each other. Oil isn't bad, water isn't bad but the two don't necessarily go together.

 

When we first got together, I was very overweight and maybe part of me felt like I couldn;t do any better(and I was 18 and how do you choose for the rest of your life when you are 18?). After my first daughter was born I lost the weight, started getting into running, horseback riding- about the same time, my husband who had been totally into working out, hiking, etc. suddenly had no interest in doing anything. He's confessed to having an online wife that he's close to and a woman he works with who he adores because he feels that everything he says to her she finds insightful. He says I am intimidating to talk to because I am intellectually above him(which is ridiculous because one of the reasons I love him so much is because he is a genius). But I can't fix his self-esteem issues and I can't be the one to drag him through all the things I want to experience in life.

 

My feelings for my MM are fading fast. The situation is beyond my control and I have to accept that. I just hope he doesn't contact me again because even hearing his voice just makes me feel peaceful and hopeful and not having that... well, that's hard, hard to let go of someone who makes you feel real and loved. I can't hate him because that isn't the kind of person I am and I know he is trying to do what is best for his family. I know if/when my husband and I divorce I will do everything in my power to remain his close friend(I think we will be even closer when there is not this resentment hanging between us).

 

I guess the most important thing for me these past couple days has been getting a plan together that I can feel good about, something to be excited about that doesn't revolve around love and sex and men. I've turned to my friends for support and realized what a treasure trove I have there- I am a lucky, lucky woman.

 

Thank you for all the wonderful advice. Even some of the painful, less kind comments help because when things hurt a bit there is usually some ounce of truth there and I'm trying above all else to be honest about things right now. I am listening.

 

A.

 

If your H has always been such a d*ick to you, throughout your whole M, then why are you with him, and just cheated on him suddenly deciding to leave him after the A?

I'd have left an a8sshole like that a long time ago. JMO

[GirlZilla]

What does any of that ramble have to do with what I challenged you on?

 

You said it was NEVER possible for divorce to happen without fights over stuff. I proved you wrong by citing a single instance where that didn't happen - my own divorce. If someone claims something is not possible, and someone else can show that it has in fact happened, then yes, they have proved them wrong. Changing the subject and trying to weasel out of it doesn't make them less wrong, it just makes them wrong and too weasely to admit it. Not a good quality in a relationship, I imagine. But hey have fun with your "code" (you & Dan Brown...) Whatever floats your lilo, I guess.

 

Sorry OP for the t/j...

 

My husband and I were married 16 years and never had a fight......NEVER!