MM went back to his wife.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The bottom line is she came here asking for help dealing with the end of her relationship with an MM. Not to get pop psychology advice about how she needs to go back and try to work things out with her husband. I am going to help her deal with what she is asking for help with based on my personal experience, not by quoting a bunch of crap I have read off the internet.

 

 

LMAO!!!

 

Your funny annabelle. truly you are.

 

Pop psych....?

 

Anyway's it is what it is.

 

She has the choice. Bottom line it's on her.

[Tomcat33]

LMAO!!!

 

Your funny annabelle. truly you are.

 

Pop psych....?

 

Anyway's it is what it is.

 

She has the choice. Bottom line it's on her.

 

 

Yup pop psych, the cheapest form of advice one can offer. It is like going to Kmart to shop for a one size fits all suit VS a tailor made suit that is made for your body and your contour, a HUGE difference.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hey whatever.

 

I come from my heart nothing from me is pop psych. I get where she was coming from with the reference. I aint no certified professional.

 

But I have been there and back.

 

Potential OM, definite Bboyfriend.

 

I've been there. done that and doing right.

 

The thing is I'm not gonna sugar coat things for anna. I think she has motives on giving her type of advice to this woman who is uncertain but hey if the woman chooses to listen it's cool with me.

 

I'm just leaving my .02 on the floor and whatever have you.

[Lovelybird]

Real love is not an addiction.

 

Real love is like good excercise and healthy eating. It makes you feel good in general but it is a buildup over time and takes commitment.

 

Affair love is like Heroin. It gives you a quick high that feels great at first but you quickly crash and it can ruin your life.

 

The two are complete opposites.

I think what woggle said have truth in it though, but truth is seldom to be accepted, often!!!

[Tomcat33]

Hey whatever.

 

I come from my heart nothing from me is pop psych. I get where she was coming from with the reference. I aint no certified professional.

 

But I have been there and back.

 

Potential OM, definite Bboyfriend.

 

I've been there. done that and doing right.

 

The thing is I'm not gonna sugar coat things for anna. I think she has motives on giving her type of advice to this woman who is uncertain but hey if the woman chooses to listen it's cool with me.

 

I'm just leaving my .02 on the floor and whatever have you.

 

 

Fair enough.

 

Can I ask you something? Why is it that when a person is saying I really need to move on I really don't have it in me to fight for this relationship anymore and I don't think I want to do it, why do some of you just one track mind through a comment like that and insist that she go back and try harder to work on something a person does not want to work on?

 

I am genuinely curious to understand why some people are so passionate about advising to tray harder when a person just does not want to?

[Tomcat33]

I think what woggle said have truth in it though, but truth is seldom to be accepted, often!!!

 

 

I agree he is right in what he said about true love being on a constant climb and it makes you feel good most of the time and it takes time to develop I totally agree with that too. It was a good analogy of what love is.

 

 

What I think he fails to see is that a lot of people in affairs experience this exact thing over the course of the affiar, then it starts to feel bad when things stop progressing when the feelings of a hope for a future seem to diminish that is when all the heartache and pain begin, sometimes it takes a long time for this to happen. That could happen in a normal relationship and then one day it stops progressing because one partner is not into it anymore and the pain sets in but does that mean you negate everything that lead you up to that point as not real?

 

So while the climb is happening on the good the feelings of love have a perfect breeding ground to grow. That is something that seems to be missed looking from the outside in.

 

No one is saying good comes out of affairs that is all a given and they are INDEED very destructive but from the simple point of love developing you have to look at it for what it is.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Fair enough.

 

Can I ask you something? Why is it that when a person is saying I really need to move on I really don't have it in me to fight for this relationship anymore and I don't think I want to do it, why do some of you just one track mind through a comment like that and insist that she go back and try harder to work on something a person does not want to work on?

 

I am genuinely curious to understand why some people are so passionate about advising to tray harder when a person just does not want to?

 

 

Because it's so easy to give up and walk away, but your never gonna face what you was running away from without facing it head on.

 

So easy to destroy hard as hell to rebuild.

 

Why dont waywards make the attempt to rebuild? Why throw everything away? Is it guilt? Because they cant even look into their betrayed spouses eyes? Is it embarassment because the cheating one is shunned and ashamed of their actions? And they cant face other's?

 

I mean , yeah you may destroy everything in life but if you still have genuine love for your spouse and they want to rebuild? and if you could, why walk away from that?

 

If she wants to walk away fine. But again it's her choice.

 

Alot of times few years down the line, she's gonna look back and feel stupid, thinking my ex wasnt a bad man, Why did I ruin things. IT could have been so good. It was issues within me. He wasnt the reason I cheated. I did.

[Lovelybird]

I believe that "give up on a garden whenver it has weeds in it, YOU just won't have any significant fruits", but constant working on it will

 

anyway, decision is hers, wish her best:)

 

if OP do believe and pray, she even can directly ask God to guide her to whatever solution, God always has the best solution, He is not limited like human such as us

[Woggle]

Because it's so easy to give up and walk away, but your never gonna face what you was running away from without facing it head on.

 

So easy to destroy hard as hell to rebuild.

 

Why dont waywards make the attempt to rebuild? Why throw everything away? Is it guilt? Because they cant even look into their betrayed spouses eyes? Is it embarassment because the cheating one is shunned and ashamed of their actions? And they cant face other's?

 

I mean , yeah you may destroy everything in life but if you still have genuine love for your spouse and they want to rebuild? and if you could, why walk away from that?

 

If she wants to walk away fine. But again it's her choice.

 

Alot of times few years down the line, she's gonna look back and feel stupid, thinking my ex wasnt a bad man, Why did I ruin things. IT could have been so good. It was issues within me. He wasnt the reason I cheated. I did.

 

This is exactly what my ex is going through right now. It is killing her inside that I am gone for good and that is why she flipped out and tried to shoot up my house. She shouldn't have done ruined it and she could have had a great life with me.

[Tomcat33]

Because it's so easy to give up and walk away, but your never gonna face what you was running away from without facing it head on.

 

So easy to destroy hard as hell to rebuild.

 

Why dont waywards make the attempt to rebuild? Why throw everything away? Is it guilt? Because they cant even look into their betrayed spouses eyes? Is it embarassment because the cheating one is shunned and ashamed of their actions? And they cant face other's?

 

I mean , yeah you may destroy everything in life but if you still have genuine love for your spouse and they want to rebuild? and if you could, why walk away from that?

 

If she wants to walk away fine. But again it's her choice.

 

Alot of times few years down the line, she's gonna look back and feel stupid, thinking my ex wasnt a bad man, Why did I ruin things. IT could have been so good. It was issues within me. He wasnt the reason I cheated. I did.

 

Fair enough I can see your point and true love is worth fighting for if both parties are willing to forgive and work hard to recover even after an Affair. I will admit I was very hellbent on not forgiving infidelity when I came here and could not fathom the thought of taking back a cheater but I can now understand it better and I see more grey not so much black and white, however I still could not forgive I am still hellbent on cutting my losses and moving on BUT I can at least understand how that would work for others and I can respect it, something I couldn't before.

 

 

Can you also entertain the thought that some relationships run their course and sometimes two people are best to part company than to push something that is at a dead end?

[Tomcat33]

This is exactly what my ex is going through right now. It is killing her inside that I am gone for good and that is why she flipped out and tried to shoot up my house. She shouldn't have done ruined it and she could have had a great life with me.

 

 

Yeah and so did my ex finace when he cheated on me and I walked away never gave us another chance he regrets his actions forever begged and pleaded etc..I have 0 regrets in walking away.

 

I guess it boils down to what you can live with, do you live in regret or do you take responsibility for your actions and stand firm by your decisions. I honestly have never kicked myself for not giving him another chance, it felt right, it was right for me, end of story.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Fair enough I can see your point and true love is worth fighting for if both parties are willing to forgive and work hard to recover even after an Affair. I will admit I was very hellbent on not forgiving infidelity when I came here and could not fathom the thought of taking back a cheater but I can now understand it better and I see more grey not so much black and white, however I still could not forgive I am still hellbent on cutting my losses and moving on BUT I can at least understand how that would work for others and I can respect it, something I couldn't before.

 

 

Can you also entertain the thought that some relationships run their course and sometimes two people are best to part company than to push something that is at a dead end?

 

Of course. I know that people grow apart. But it has to be a mutual things and often times it is not.

 

Marriage is supposed to be for life.

 

Now I am pro-marriage but I am for good marriages with love and respect.

 

I honestly give a 50/50 chance of a forgiving my woman if she cheated because it does depend on the circumstances. It is grey but if it tips towards either end I will make that choice. If she doesnt go nc with the OP or seek reconsiliation, throw her out.

 

But on the other hand if she is remorseful and want to be there and wants to make things right, then if I still want to be there. I'm gonna attempt to rebuild it. Simple as that. It's not rocket science. lol.

 

Damn Woggle??!?! She shot up your house?

 

WTF happened?

[Woggle]

Yeah and so did my ex finace when he cheated on me and I walked away never gave us another chance he regrets his actions forever begged and pleaded etc..I have 0 regrets in walking away.

 

I guess it boils down to what you can live with, do you live in regret or do you take responsibility for your actions and stand firm by your decisions. I honestly have never kicked myself for not giving him another chance, it felt right, it was right for me, end of story.

 

The difference is that you did not cheat on your ex then blame him for everything like some women tend to do when they cheat. My ex cheated on me, blamed me for everything, falsely accused me of abuse and rape then one day she woke, realized she was wrong and wanted me back but it was too late by then. You and I are in similiar positions in regard to our exes.

[Woggle]

.

 

Damn Woggle??!?! She shot up your house?

 

WTF happened?

 

One day I ran into her in the supermarket while I was with my wife who was my fiance then. We speak and it seems civil but I could almost see her heart sink when she found out I was getting remarried. A week later she gets drunk and does a driveby on my house.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The difference is that you did not cheat on your ex then blame him for everything like some women tend to do when they cheat. My ex cheated on me, blamed me for everything, falsely accused me of abuse and rape then one day she woke, realized she was wrong and wanted me back but it was too late by then. You and I are in similiar positions in regard to our exes.

 

Damn she sounded like a maniac, accuse you of rape!???

 

See and that's why we talk about these women be lying on these boards sometimes because the cheater tends to re-write marital history.

[Lovelybird]

I agree he is right in what he said about true love being on a constant climb and it makes you feel good most of the time and it takes time to develop I totally agree with that too. It was a good analogy of what love is.

 

 

What I think he fails to see is that a lot of people in affairs experience this exact thing over the course of the affiar, then it starts to feel bad when things stop progressing when the feelings of a hope for a future seem to diminish that is when all the heartache and pain begin, sometimes it takes a long time for this to happen. That could happen in a normal relationship and then one day it stops progressing because one partner is not into it anymore and the pain sets in but does that mean you negate everything that lead you up to that point as not real?

 

So while the climb is happening on the good the feelings of love have a perfect breeding ground to grow. That is something that seems to be missed looking from the outside in.

 

No one is saying good comes out of affairs that is all a given and they are INDEED very destructive but from the simple point of love developing you have to look at it for what it is.

you are right, we cannot just dismiss a person's feeling like they are not real, even King Solomon said that "the way that a man and a woman being together is a mystery to him"

 

I just think when you face problems in your relationship, it is a GOOD time to discover yourself and improve yourself and your relationship. Patience pay back later on, for YOUR good in general. but if she run away, she may never discover that.

[Chrome Barracuda]

One day I ran into her in the supermarket while I was with my wife who was my fiance then. We speak and it seems civil but I could almost see her heart sink when she found out I was getting remarried. A week later she gets drunk and does a driveby on my house.

 

 

Wow was she riding in a 6'4 screaming WESTSIDE MUTHF****!? lol.

 

It's a bad joke but I couldnt resist. I never heard of such craziness. Thank god you divorced that nutjob. She sounds crazy. and you know what all that hate she has for you, she's feeling it for herself.

 

Damn.

[Woggle]

Wow was she riding in a 6'4 screaming WESTSIDE MUTHF****!? lol.

 

It's a bad joke but I couldnt resist. I never heard of such craziness. Thank god you divorced that nutjob. She sounds crazy. and you know what all that hate she has for you, she's feeling it for herself.

 

Damn.

 

More like a beatup honda but the concept is the same. The same friends who encouraged her to cheat on me also encouraged her to make me pay for walking out on her for another woman. They probably didn't mean try to shoot me but they still were no good.

[Chrome Barracuda]

More like a beatup honda but the concept is the same. The same friends who encouraged her to cheat on me also encouraged her to make me pay for walking out on her for another woman. They probably didn't mean try to shoot me but they still were no good.

 

 

LOL. honda!!!!!

 

Doesnt she realize that you met your wife after you got divorced? Why would she think you left her for someone else?

 

Her friends must be toxic and your wife is weak minded to actually listen to the garbage that comes out of her mouth!

 

Unbeliveable!!!

[Tomcat33]

The difference is that you did not cheat on your ex then blame him for everything like some women tend to do when they cheat. My ex cheated on me, blamed me for everything, falsely accused me of abuse and rape then one day she woke, realized she was wrong and wanted me back but it was too late by then. You and I are in similiar positions in regard to our exes.

 

I never cheated on anyone and doubt I have it in me to ever do that..

No he cheated on me and after much painful back and forth he did try to blame me for why he did it he tried to tell me it was because he was convinced I was losing interest in him and this coworker of his was more attentive to him than I had been in months...I can kind of see where he was coming from because I was very driven by my career at the time and focused more on me than on our future since I thought our future was done deal and yet that still does not excuse what he did.

 

I had no idea you had been cheated on before Woggle all this time I have read your posts I had no idea you went through that. Interesting what I come to find out late or early on a Saturday morning.

 

The thing is it doesn't matter what lead up to the cheating the fact of the matter is the cheater comits the act of cheating on his/her free will no matter how nice or great their coworker/friend/stripper strumpet at the bar was to him, he/she did it themselves. They crossed that line and it doesn't matter who was there to egg them on. I really didn't care who pursued whom, the idea was he was committed to me end of story.

 

 

you are right, we cannot just dismiss a person's feeling like they are not real, even King Solomon said that "the way that a man and a woman being together is a mystery to him"

 

I just think when you face problems in your relationship, it is a GOOD time to discover yourself and improve yourself and your relationship. Patience pay back later on, for YOUR good in general. but if she run away, she may never discover that.

 

 

I agree when faced with problems we are to try harder because a true relationship with another human being is based on how we handle the rough times, the good times are easy enough to have and anyone can have those. I also think there is great validity in working through problems and not running away, but sometimes when the idea of working on something does not seem worth the end result you have to make a tough decision and move on.

 

In the case of the ex that cheated on me the idea of ending up with a man that I was going to enter into marriage with that could possibly cheat on me again and that thought hanging over my head for the rest of my life was not a good enough outcome for me to decide to put all that work into it.

 

It is about trusting the other person but is also about trusting and knowing yourself, I think.

[bish]

Ok cheating is not an accident I'll give you that much but making that choice can be a mistake. .

 

No...it isn't a mistake. Its a deliberate choice made because they WANTED to do it.

[bish]

The bottom line is she came here asking for help dealing with the end of her relationship with an MM. Not to get pop psychology advice about how she needs to go back and try to work things out with her husband. I am going to help her deal with what she is asking for help with based on my personal experience, not by quoting a bunch of crap I have read off the internet.

 

Her marriage was already dead it seems when she hooked up with the MM.

 

My quesiton was...looks like he really wanted to stay with his wife all along...and he cheated on his wife....so why the hell does she want him?

 

Like I said...looks like you have to be a cheating ahole to wrap women around your finger.

[bish]

You can see pictures of the Himalayas and picture what it would be like to sit a top of Mount Everest, but you will never know EXACTLY how it feels until you climb one and do it for yourself.

 

It doesn't sound cruel or insensitive it sounds like you really don't know what you are talking about that's all or naive.

 

In some affairs I am sure it is not about love at all, in others not so, EVEN if they don't end up together doesn't mean love was not experienced.

 

It's like Anabelle said some of you just like to throw around pop psyche terms adnauseum with no real sense of knowledge of what you speak of..

 

I think Woggle has had more experience with sitches like this that you probably know.

 

Its easy for someone like you to dismiss him as not knowing what he is talking about simply because you disagree with him.

[bish]

Fair enough.

 

Can I ask you something? Why is it that when a person is saying I really need to move on I really don't have it in me to fight for this relationship anymore and I don't think I want to do it, why do some of you just one track mind through a comment like that and insist that she go back and try harder to work on something a person does not want to work on?

 

I didn't ask that at all. I just wondered why should wants the MM since he is a cheater?

 

And I don't think she should work on the marriage at all....its dead and her husband will be better off with her gone.

[PoshPrincess]

And I don't think she should work on the marriage at all....its dead and her husband will be better off with her gone.

 

Agreed, although I wouldn't put it quite so bluntly (the part in bold/italics). I just think that he deserves to have the chance to move on too if she no longer wants to be with him. He may be to into his computer to pay Amy any attention but there will be a woman somewhere that will be happy with that. We are all different. Amy AND her H both deserve the chance to find happiness elsewhere.

 

Amy, you definitely need to go total NC with MM. You are never going to be able to sort your head out while he's lurking in the wings. If he tries to contact you again, tell him he has made his decision and he must stick to it. I was in your position. I thought my R was over, had an A, then ended my R (the man I had the A with I finally realised, was not an option). Sometimes though, as harsh and unfair as it is to the BS, it is the A that finally makes you realise you HAVE to leave.