Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I agree, woggle. Most people dont know this , maybe they do, but I've been reading many boards and websites devoted to infidelity, cheating and love. (Because I'm a writer and my book is published. lol. I always need inspiration.) There's a difference between a butterfly in your stomach love and a good strong ebb and flow of mature love. Many people think butterfly love is permanent. That's not always true. Cause one day you feel it, a few years you dont. But mature love is like butterfly love one day, Eyes shine , heart warms mature love years later. I think people are loosing the ability to capture and cultivate mature love. Alot of our grandparents had it, but this generation and the one coming up is loosing it, lost it dont give an F about it. And it's sad. Forver now is not always forever. Now it's about, he has a bigger penis or bigger bank account or he makes me feel in love, OR he listens to me. It's not even love but a drug that people get hooked on without taking a pill or shooting it in their veins. The new butterflies have become just another fix and the OP is jonesing big time.
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Amy the problem with opening up your situation for discussion here is there will be people who just want to push their agenda at any costs negating what you disclose here as your true feelings and then there are others who are actually willing to listen to what you have to say. A lot of marriages are in their last legs far before the affair even happens, the affair is just another symptom of the overall mess. If you feel you have given all you could and feel in your heart it is time to move on then take some time deal with the breakup of the affair which is hard enough in itself and then think about what you need to do regarding your marriage. No one has the crystal ball to your future but you DO hold the key to your own happiness, even if that means doing something drastic to produce a significant change, listen to your gut and the rest will all fall into place. I know you must be in a lot of pain right now, I wish you strength to carry on and do what is best for all...whatever you chose that to be.
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Bullsh**!!! Alot of people who tend to cheat tend to rewrite what's the real story. Just a little bit. There' always 3 sides to a story. Dont take her words as fact. Like I said before marriage is what you make it. No one is stopping her from leaving. She could leave and not cheat. She could tell him she's not happy and give him an ultimatim. She just makes her self look bad because there is a right way to do things, and a wrong way to do things. I never said that just because he doesnt do her harm that theyre marriage is good, Of course there needs to be chemistry and love and the whole 9. But seriously if she's constantly thinking of the OM, in her mind do you think the husband has a chance to make things right??? Hell no!!! lol. I'm not bitter, where do you get that from? lol. Like I said she doesnt have to stay but she doesnt have to cheat either. She has a choice. We all have a choice!!! The bottom line is she came here asking for help dealing with the end of her relationship with an MM. Not to get pop psychology advice about how she needs to go back and try to work things out with her husband. I am going to help her deal with what she is asking for help with based on my personal experience, not by quoting a bunch of crap I have read off the internet.
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Remember opinions everyone has, but your reality only YOU know. If it felt like love it was love, end of story.
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Remember opinions everyone has, but your reality only YOU know. If it felt like love it was love, end of story. Quoted for the Truth
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 The bottom line is she came here asking for help dealing with the end of her relationship with an MM. Not to get pop psychology advice about how she needs to go back and try to work things out with her husband. I am going to help her deal with what she is asking for help with based on my personal experience, not by quoting a bunch of crap I have read off the internet. Seriously!! sometimes it feels like a bunch of robots posting here, programmed to spew off the exact same programmed crap irrelevant to what is shared on the advice seeker's side.
Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I am not trying to push any agenda. The fact of the matter is that she is simply jonesing for another fix of MM. No different than a heroin addict. You can't help somebody until they are willing to admit what the root of the problem is.
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I am not trying to push any agenda. The fact of the matter is that she is simply jonesing for another fix of MM. No different than a heroin addict. You can't help somebody until they are willing to admit what the root of the problem is. Clearly you are clueless to what this woman is going through for the simple fact you have no experience with it.
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I am not trying to push any agenda. The fact of the matter is that she is simply jonesing for another fix of MM. No different than a heroin addict. You can't help somebody until they are willing to admit what the root of the problem is. If love is an addiction, it is and addiction I would gladly surrender myself too.
Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Clearly you are clueless to what this woman is going through for the simple fact you have no experience with it. I have seen enough of it to know what it really is though. It is addiction to the MM and has little if anything to do with love. If she ends up with him she will be making the same post in a few years about how she lost feelings for him. I know this sounds cruel or inssensitive but the probkem can't be solved without a proper diagnosis.
Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 If love is an addiction, it is and addiction I would gladly surrender myself too. Love is not an addiction but what the OP is experiencing is not real love. Real love does not just die when the intial newness wears off.
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 If love is an addiction, it is and addiction I would gladly surrender myself too. The best thing is that those that throw around the term "addiction" so freely and in such a derrogatory and critical manner fail to see it is that SAME addiction that they went through when they fell for their significant others. But the addiction is akin to a heroin addiction when speaking of two people in an affair, and the "addiction" is nothing more than basic love when two regular people go through it. Gotta love the silly double standards here.
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Love is not an addiction but what the OP is experiencing is not real love. Real love does not just die when the intial newness wears off. Foregive me, I must have missed the part where she said she didn't love him anymore. Oh wait .... thats just pure conjection based on your vast knowledge of hte OP and her life.
Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Real love is not an addiction. Real love is like good excercise and healthy eating. It makes you feel good in general but it is a buildup over time and takes commitment. Affair love is like Heroin. It gives you a quick high that feels great at first but you quickly crash and it can ruin your life. The two are complete opposites.
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I have seen enough of it to know what it really is though. It is addiction to the MM and has little if anything to do with love. If she ends up with him she will be making the same post in a few years about how she lost feelings for him. I know this sounds cruel or inssensitive but the probkem can't be solved without a proper diagnosis. You can see pictures of the Himalayas and picture what it would be like to sit a top of Mount Everest, but you will never know EXACTLY how it feels until you climb one and do it for yourself. It doesn't sound cruel or insensitive it sounds like you really don't know what you are talking about that's all or naive. In some affairs I am sure it is not about love at all, in others not so, EVEN if they don't end up together doesn't mean love was not experienced. It's like Anabelle said some of you just like to throw around pop psyche terms adnauseum with no real sense of knowledge of what you speak of. Like I said everyone is entitled to opinions but reality is reserved to the person in question.
Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Foregive me, I must have missed the part where she said she didn't love him anymore. Oh wait .... thats just pure conjection based on your vast knowledge of hte OP and her life. She loves him now but it will wear off. If she gets together with him he will be in the same exact position her husband is now in a few years.
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Real love is not an addiction. Real love is like good excercise and healthy eating. It makes you feel good in general but it is a buildup over time and takes commitment. Affair love is like Heroin. It gives you a quick high that feels great at first but you quickly crash and it can ruin your life. The two are complete opposites. You're so clueless its kind of cute.
Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 You can see pictures of the Himalayas and picture what it would be like to sit a top of Mount Everest, but you will never know EXACTLY how it feels until you climb one and do it for yourself. It doesn't sound cruel or insensitive it sounds like you really don't know what you are talking about that's all or naive. In some affairs I am sure it is not about love at all, in others not so, EVEN if they don't end up together doesn't mean love was not experienced. It's like Anabelle said some of you just like to throw around pop psyche terms adnauseum with no real sense of knowledge of what you speak of. Like I said everyone is entitled to opinions but reality is reserved to the person in question. I have never done heroin either but I know how it destroys people despite the initial high and I know how affairs and relationships built on lies and deceit usually produce nothing good.
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 In some affairs I am sure it is not about love at all, in others not so, EVEN if they don't end up together doesn't mean love was not experienced. True. I'd like to add that the same could be said about any kind of relationship.
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Real love is not an addiction. Real love is like good excercise and healthy eating. It makes you feel good in general but it is a buildup over time and takes commitment. Affair love is like Heroin. It gives you a quick high that feels great at first but you quickly crash and it can ruin your life. The two are complete opposites. You know what Woggel REAL love is different for everyone no one holds the truth card to what REAL love feels like. Real love must be THAt to you but not to the next person and when you live a little more and experience life more you will see that. To some REAL love is simply seeing the smile on their partner's face light up a room when in their presence, to others real love is feeling like they can conquer any obstacle when by the side of their partner, to others real love is encased in regimented qualifiers like stability, financial freedom and comeradery. It is different for everyone, and neither you nor anyone can tell another person what they experience is or is not for them. If they feel love it was love for them. In order for the love feeling to happen one must feel like their feelings are being reciprocated otherwise love cannot happen.
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I have never done heroin either but I know how it destroys people despite the initial high and I know how affairs and relationships built on lies and deceit usually produce nothing good. So .... you are comparing heroin to an affair ..... and you have not experienced either? Kayaking is just like eating sweat breads. (see .... I can do it too)
Woggle Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 So .... you are comparing heroin to an affair ..... and you have not experienced either? Kayaking is just like eating sweat breads. (see .... I can do it too) There are scientific studies that prove affairs produce the same brain chemicals as doing drugs.
Lovelybird Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 People's mind is constantly thinking 24/7, even in dreams, either she fill with her mind with THE PROBLEM and obssession about OM (even think about how to break up with OM is a negative approach), or she fills with her mind with other things, other things will push her forward, some thing that improve her life. if she fill something in her mind, try to fill with something positive and good and constructive Basically I think Spiritual method and God is a solution for every problem, just my humble opinion
annabelle75 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 There are scientific studies that prove affairs produce the same brain chemicals as doing drugs. so does being in love next ....
Tomcat33 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 There are scientific studies that prove affairs produce the same brain chemicals as doing drugs. There are scientific studies that also prove that the inlove feeling anyone feels during the early stages of any dating couple is compared to temporary insanity and it has NOTHING to do with AFFAIRS. so you better believe you were addicted to your woman before you married her your brain doesn't know "wait a minute, this is an affair so I should act differently from "this is a woman I am morally accepted to be with therefore I should react accordingly" your brain expells chemicals when you are falling in love period. Call it insanity call it addiction call it temporary loss of reason doesn't matter falling in love is the same no matter how you slice it.
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