PlumPrincess Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 I've recently noticed that among the guys I attract, which are not really that many, a lot of them are already in a relationship - cool! I'm wondering now if that is normal or if I am doing something that might cause them to think that I have a positive attitude towards cheating. Of the last four guys who had been interested in me, only one did not have a girlfriend. One was an *******, the other one was his butt-kisser and the third one was ok and pretty open about his girlfriend. Seems like the have some kind of open relationship. Another thing I've noticed is that a good deal of my "friends" (I'm not sure if they are really friends, therefore the quotation marks) seems to be desperate to show me how much better they are than me or doing than me. There's also a certain condescendence that I sometimes notice when we talk about things that trouble me. Some are nice, but sometimes I just want to tell them to shut the **** up. I don't really do, but as a consequence I simply do not contact them any longer. The strange thing is, they keep on contacting me. Those I find really assholish I have blocked, with others I will keep loose contact, but I never really take the initiative to hang out with them. Could it be that I am venting too much? That I talk too much about my problems? I have the feeling that once I entrust people with some things that are on my mind they will think they have the right to treat me as if I would need guidance. Now, guidance is something that I will only accept from people that I respect and look up to and clearly these people have not reached this status yet. They are ok, they can be nice, I'm open to hearing people's opinion, but I absolutely do not want guidance from them. I do not respect them enough to take their guidance. I hear more nice things about myself, my intellect and my talents from people that I don't know so well than I do from my "friends". Just an example, native speakers will tell me that my English is good, while one of my assholish friend discouraged me from applying for a job in England, because in order to do so "you really have to speak the language well". On the other hand he had no problems telling me that one of his ex-girlfriends would have no problem with finding a job here, because she speaks English and the native language. Now, I know her, I like her, but I've seen her talk and I've seen how she writes and it's beyond bad. I sat there and wondered how stupid he thought I must be to take this crap. I guess, I shouldn't let it get to me so much, because in order to accept their superiority in certain points they would have to have my respect there in the first place, which they don't, but still, I also wonder here if I'm not doing something wrong. I would describe myself as nice, but quite moody and am probably vaccillating between timid-wallflowerish and self-confident. What I have also heard from guys is "bitchy". I can only say, I try to be a nice person, but sometimes I guess I have a strong preference that things go my way and my patience does exhaust quickly when I notice that people tell me bull**** and waste my time. And trying to set up pseudo-dates with me is among these things (see first paragraph). I'm afraid I have a reputation for having a really bad temper that flares up quickly and I have repelled a lot of people that I did like, but what about the rest who clings to me? I guess, I'm trying to figure out here if I'm doing specific things that attract these people or if that is just how life is. Opinions?
blind_otter Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Well when you notice a pattern you should try to isolate what those different situations have in common. If you're the only common denomenator, it might be a good idea to try to assess what you're doing to contribute to the cycle. It may be the circle of friends you hang out with, or the types of things you tend to do in your free time.
Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Attracting previously committed men isn't something unusual. Just blow them off. Every girl is born with the capability of freezing a guy, on the spot. If you have a competitive attitude, it makes other people competitive. You can either learn to live with it or tone it down, so you get a different response from people.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Attracting previously committed men isn't something unusual. Just blow them off. Every girl is born with the capability of freezing a guy, on the spot. If you have a competitive attitude, it makes other people competitive. You can either learn to live with it or tone it down, so you get a different response from people. It could be that I'm competitive, but I'm fairly sure that this is not the reason here.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Well when you notice a pattern you should try to isolate what those different situations have in common. If you're the only common denomenator, it might be a good idea to try to assess what you're doing to contribute to the cycle. It may be the circle of friends you hang out with, or the types of things you tend to do in your free time. I've thought about it and didn't really come up with any idea. Is nobody having similar experiences?
blind_otter Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 I've thought about it and didn't really come up with any idea. Is nobody having similar experiences? Back when I was dating I used to have a problem dating dirtbags. I mean real dirtbags - exconvicts, drug dealers, general losers with no job, that sort of thing. I ended up realizing that it was my own low self esteem that was attracting these sorts to me, I wasn't just an innocent victim of chance.
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Back when I was dating I used to have a problem dating dirtbags. I mean real dirtbags - exconvicts, drug dealers, general losers with no job, that sort of thing. I ended up realizing that it was my own low self esteem that was attracting these sorts to me, I wasn't just an innocent victim of chance. They're mostly academics, so it's not that bad. But within a year I've blocked the emails of three people, because they were condescending or complete *******s. And I broke off contact with a friend that I actually really liked as a consequence of my fight with one of the others, because I considered her behavior to be extremely illoyal. I don't regret anything. I just wonder why I got into situations where I get so upset that I feel it's necessary to block people.
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