unimoko Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 My boyfriend broke up with me this summer stating that he cared for me but he was pre-occupied with work and persuit of becoming a full-time pilot. In hindsight I think it was the best because I know he did not want to commit to a relationship. In the 1 yr on again/ off again relationship I never met his friends/family (he mentioned the idea though), I never saw his home (he was living at the time with an ex girlfriend--I disapproved of), and I although I saw him it was always between clients. So every 2 months or so he will come to see me at my house or call me. And as soon as I ask if he wants to resume the relationship he shrugs and says he can't because he is busy. This past Christmas holiday he again knocked on my door and said that he was in the area and he was thinking about me. This time I layed it out and said that he can not do this to me anymore, that he can not continue placing his work ahead of a relationship. We are too old for this (I am 25 and he is 34) and if he really cared for me he would commit or say goodbye for good. My parents/family say he is a loser and that I should not open the door or continue to even talk to him. Its crazy because despite all of this I still love him. And I know that even after the "final" breakup conversation I will still hear from him again. I don't know what I am asking here. It breaks my heart that the person I love can not bring himself to love me full-time. I know I can not change him and bitching and moaning will not change the situation. Its sad. I deserve more, but I just wish he could commit, is that possible?
Jilly Bean Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Yes, it's possible. But, it's also possible to squeeze blood from a stone. No, seriously. Is it possible? Yes. Is it probable? No. Rather than continue to waste time on him, why not go find a NEW dude who will love you, and commit the way you want? New Year = New Dude.
Keara Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Every single time I hear of a guy who lives with his ex-girlfriend (who he always says he hates)... it ends up he never broke up with the gf, and he's using that line to convince other women to sleep with him behind his gf's back. Why the heck would a guy continue to live with his ex-gf after they broke up??? What's the rational he gave you for that one? Regardless, he's told you he isn't willing to commit the time necessary to have a real relationship with you. Take him at his word. He isn't lying to you. He'll come sniffing around when its convient for him, he'll take what's offered, and then he'll leave. Over and over again. If you're okay with a casual relationship that won't go anywhere, then keep seeing him. If you want more then that, then you have to cut him out of your life so that you can have the chance to find someone who wants a real relationship too. Otherwise those opportunities will pass you by while you play around with a guy who's already told you he's just pissing around with you.
mortensorchid Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Oh sweetheart, he lives with his ex girlfriend?!?! And in the whole time you were officially with him you never once met another friend / family member?!? What does THAT tell you? Yes, you are too old for these shenanigans. He's playing you for all you're worth. He keeps showing up because he's not getting what he wants from other sources. Move on. And so he's not Mr. Right. The next one probably won't be either, but you have to keep trying.
allina Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 He sounds married and this doesn't sound like a relationship, I'm sorry.
AriaIncognito Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 RUN AWAY FAST!!!! I dated a man similar to this for over a year. Only difference was, I got to meet 1 friend and I was at his house a lot (an apt he lived alone). We were together for a long time but never did he call me his girlfriend. Turns out, he was using me for his own needs until he was able to find a girl of his religion to be with. Soon as he found one, he stopped coming around, and I stopped trying to get him to come back. I was stupid and took him back into my life several times. I was always hoping he'd change or he'd want to commit. All I did, was hurt myself in the end. It's been a long hard road, letting go of him. 7 months out, I'm still grappling with it. Do yourself a HUGE favor, cut it off now. You have nothing to gain from this situation, unless you're looking to gain a broken heart and trust issues.
Kamille Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 You deserve better. Your family knows this, you know this. Sadly it is going to be up to you to stand up for yourself and walk away since he has nothing to lose by staying in your life. Do this for yourself. Walk away. You deserve a better love.
Author unimoko Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 Thanks for everything all has said. I guess part of me wanted to beleive that he wanted to work out the situation but I did not want to see that he was just using me until his needs were satisfied. I can not say I was a victim in the situation. But I did not want to give up the situation as crummy as it was to me and my self-worth. Do guys like that ever grow up? Why do guys behave like that in the first place?
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Thanks for everything all has said. I guess part of me wanted to beleive that he wanted to work out the situation but I did not want to see that he was just using me until his needs were satisfied. I can not say I was a victim in the situation. But I did not want to give up the situation as crummy as it was to me and my self-worth. Do guys like that ever grow up? Why do guys behave like that in the first place? Guys like that behave the way they do because women empower them to do so by allowing it to happen. You have stiletto-power. Put it to his backside and propel him firmly and painfully out the door.
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