sneak817 Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Can someone please give me some insight on my situation? Please anyone! My ex broke up with me so she could live the party side of her life, drinking, drug, etc. But I knew there was a guy in the mix. Well I took everyone’s advise and did NC, for 5 months.. I worked out, starting going back to church, got more friends and TRIED to have fun. It all helped, but after 5 months the wondering was killing me! I couldn’t go any further it was driving me nuts! So I texted her and told her and told her I would like a heart to heart, because we did have a good friendship. She texted me back that she’ll call me tomorrow. She calls me the next day and everything is going fine, we are talking just like good friends. I know she’s seeing someone else, and partying like a rock star every weekend, and she is definitely not the same women I remember. She seems like she’s totally over me, and she wants to truly keep me as a friend. Well I ask her if we could met up for coffee or something because I haven’t seen her and she at first said yes right away, but as the conversion progresses, and her, and I were talking more and more about our lives she tell me” her daughter ask for me sometimes” the conversion became more like old times… Laughing, having fun, etc. (phone call lasted about 20 minutes) So I had to got back to work so I gave her my email. (new job) See email me under 5 minutes after hanging up, talk about both are lives and how much we both changed. We email back and forth 2-3 times, and in the last one I ask her if we could meet up tomorrow. She response that she’ll let me know when she’s ready? WHAT! I don’t get it?? The reason I connected her I the first place is, because I really need some closure in the whole thing.. She just broke up with me and I went straight to NC. I didn’t tell her I want closer or anything like that when I spoke with her. I need to move on, but I feel so stuck in the stage I’m in. I need to hear it from her that she’s doesn’t love me anymore or something. I’m willing to take the hit like that guys, I’m soooo sick of feeling this way. Worst 5 months of my life hands down. I would rather just hear the words come out of her mouth so I can truly move on. But now I gotta wait on her?? What happen?? I just want some closure. Please, guys what do I do??
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Your situation is pretty heartbreaking. There is nothing worse than loving and losing someone- but when you add a lack of closure into the mix, it just makes things worse. Perhaps what she means by waiting is that she felt some closeness again and needs time to sort out her confused feelings. At some point you must begin the process of moving on. If this doesn't result in a reconciliation, then you will have to find a way to let her go. You can't live like this- being sad and missing her every day.
Author sneak817 Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 I'm with you D-Lish.. I tired everything I could think of, and I just don't know what to do to get to the next stage... Read books on how to get over someone and break ups, prayed like crazy, worked out like crazy, got a nice sports car, made a lot of new friends to hang with, worked my butt off at work and got promoted, dating one girl but I felt like I was using her so I ended it. I just don't know what to do to truly get her out of my head... my last resort is to look at her myspace and get my heart broken all over again, so I can move on, but I soooo don't want to do that!.. Please, guys help me.. I'm definitely a better person because of all of this I’m just so sick of it! I want to truly move on.. but I can honestly say talking to her did give me some closure, it hurt like hell but it beats the wondering..
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Truly, time does heal you. But you have to help it along. Often, meeting someone new helps as well. It's okay to have fun and spend time with other females... it really is. Talking about it helps too. This forum helped me through a painful break up. I eventually had to take a break from this forum because it became synonymous with the break up- and I was having trouble moving foward. I don't think about that guy anymore. The pain just gradully went away. Until you get closure- you will remain in limbo. That's not a healthy place to be. You have to ask yourself if this meeting is to give you closure- or an attempt at reconciliation? He honest about your expectations- and discuss them here before you meet her. Keep talking- we're listening and will help any way we can.
Author sneak817 Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 D-lish thank you I wish you nothing but happiness and joy in your life. A little off topic but your ex was a fool. Good people are becoming uncommon these days, and it always a nice to see one. Well I think I may of found my answer to my problem guys.. but I’m still a little confused so maybe someone could help me understand a bit. I get to work this morning and I see she sent me an email... some BS about like "oh, I forgot to ask you what did you get for Christmas? I replied with a simple answer.. She emails me back asking more BS questions. This when on almost all day.. Nothing but superficial question like she wanted to continue to talk to me but about unimportant crap. The minutes I talk about some like "my family" people she really liked, or something about me that she use to like, she email me back with something like.. "So what are you doing this weekend?" Like wanting to know how I’m going to party. Just so she can brag about her plans or what she has done. My question is why is she avoiding these topics? I’m not trying to throw then in the conversation just to score points they just come up in my answers. And second why is she buggin' me? It’s just odd... She is already seeing someone and I’m sure he wouldn't like her talking to me. But the awesome part about this is she is KILLING all the good I saw in her, because she's has became “Ms. Shallow” a run of the mill name dropper, and I can't stand that in women!. I loved her because she wasn't like that, and now that image I had of her in my head is dying.. Its not easy though ever time I would see I got an email from her my heart would drop, and the bad one would hurt like hell to read, but now I'm starting to see her for who she is now, and not the woman I loved so much.. After a few weeks of this abuse I should be better off. The funny thing is I’ve became more of what she really wanted before, but like I said once I bring it up she changes the subject, like she doesn't want to hear it or something. This does suck though because I’m getting hurt over and over again by her, but I need it.. Any thoughts guys??
rosalie Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Truly, time does heal you. But you have to help it along. Often, meeting someone new helps as well. It's okay to have fun and spend time with other females... it really is. Talking about it helps too. This forum helped me through a painful break up. I eventually had to take a break from this forum because it became synonymous with the break up- and I was having trouble moving foward. I don't think about that guy anymore. The pain just gradully went away. Until you get closure- you will remain in limbo. That's not a healthy place to be. You have to ask yourself if this meeting is to give you closure- or an attempt at reconciliation? He honest about your expectations- and discuss them here before you meet her. Keep talking- we're listening and will help any way we can. Couldn't agree more and what a wise woman d-lish is Talk, time, spending time with other women, even if it's one date (and sometimes a disaster) all help to get through it. I've had some major blows the last few years of which at the depths I thought I would never get out of it but you do, really. Get out there, still go to the gym, meet new people and do new things. I try and make sure in my non-work time I do "something" everyday other than grocery shopping or whatever. I'm learning to surf at the moment and whilst I love it I know it won't be my new passion but it's fun and I love the beach and it gets me out there doing new things and meeting new people. I think of him less and less everyday and actually say him the other day and even forgot to mention it to those I love - a breakthough. Just live life.
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