NC ed but not enough..

[sneak817]

Can someone please give me some insight on my situation? Please anyone!

My ex broke up with me so she could live the party side of her life, drinking, drug, etc.

But I knew there was a guy in the mix. Well I took everyone’s advise and did NC, for 5 months.. I worked out, starting going back to church, got more friends and TRIED to have fun. It all helped, but after 5 months the wondering was killing me! I couldn’t go any further it was driving me nuts! So I texted her and told her and told her I would like a heart to heart, because we did have a good friendship.

She texted me back that she’ll call me tomorrow.

 

She calls me the next day (today) and everything is going fine, we are talking just like good friends.

I know she’s seeing someone else, and partying like a rock star every weekend, and she is definitely not the same women I remember. She seems like she’s totally over me, and she wants to truly keep me as a friend.

Well I ask her if we could met up for coffee or something because I haven’t seen her and she at first said yes right away, but as the conversion progresses, and her and I started talking more and more about our lives she tell me” her daughter ask for me sometimes” the conversion became more like old times… Laughing, having fun, etc. (phone call lasted about 20 minutes)

So I had to got back to work so i told her i had to go.

.

See email me under 5 minutes after hanging up, talk about both are lives and how much we both changed.

We email back and forth 2-3 times back to back, and in the last one I ask her if we could meet up tomorrow.

She response that she’ll let me know when she’s ready? WHAT!

I don’t get it??

The reason I connected her I the first place is, because I really need some closure in the whole thing.. She just broke up with me and I went straight to NC. I didn’t tell her I wanted closer or anything like that when I spoke with her. I need to move on, but I feel so stuck in the stage I’m in. I need to hear it from her that she’s doesn’t love me anymore or something.

I’m willing to take a hit like that guys, I’m soooo sick of feeling this way. Worst 5 months of my life hands down. I would rather just hear the words come out of her mouth so I can truly move on. But now I gotta wait on her?? What happen?? I just want some closure..

Please, guys what do I do??

Edited December 27, 2007 by sneak817

[Mylife]

Sneak..

 

I know what you mean and how you feel, when I broke up and wanted to be friends he was just like I need some time to get over the love feeling, and yes when he said it pissed me off like hell. And I asked him how long he needed, he laughed at that in a playful way and was like come on dear, I can't specify how long I need, but I will let you know. He also added to that a very important line, "I think you don't realise it, but you need the time too." At that time, which was 2 months ago, I was like thats bs. But you know what, right now I know you feel that too and feel so horrible that she is doing that to you, but believe me that time is needed. It will help you to avoid a lot of hurt in the future. I am happy I took that time, now me and him do talk, just alittle bit, like once in 2 weeks or so.

 

I am happy I respected his decision and waited untill we were both ready to talk again, because it gave us both time to get over our break up. I realise that you have already been apart for 5 months, but maybe you guys need a bit more time before you can talk again. Respect her decision dear and give her the time she needs and use that time as a healing time for yourself as well.

[shockandawed]

Hey Sneak,

 

I have been everywhere you are at right now. It has been a year since my ex fiance and I broke up. I wanted the so called closure. I kept thinking if we could meet, it might help clear things up. Everytime we talked, all it did was bring me back into the relationship, heart racing, tgrying to analyze every thing she said, etc.. we haven't had any form of communication other than a very occasional IM or email since last February. I can honestly say, it wasn't until late summer or early fall that I truly felt over her. I received an email from her then, and for the first time, I could care less what she said.

 

It is apparent you are not ready. You think meeting her and her telling you she has moved on will help. You already know she has moved on. You are hoping deep inside that maybe meeting she will rekindle her feelings. You may not even realize it. You just know you are still hurting so you must need some closure. There is no way you can have an unemotional meeting with her at this time. Trust me on this, you will get knocked back. Look how much her talking to you has bothered you.

 

I have been exactly where you are, again, trust me, you aren't ready. Give yourself more time without any contact.

[blind_otter]

You don't need to meet with her to get closure. I mean, you don't need any external input to get closure...otherwise those of us with loved ones who have passed away would NEVER get closure. You obviously can't meet with someone whose dead.

 

Closure happens when you have come to a realization about what happened, where you were, where you are now, and where you want to be. It comes when you accept the reality of what has happened and reassess your life and come to terms with the new reality of your life.

 

You don't need her input to get to a point where you feel OK about yourself.

[sumdude]

I agree... closure is something that in the end you have to do for yourself. I think maybe you still hope for something else... All you're going to do is extend your recovery time every time you talk/text/e-mail with her.

[sedgwick]

I think that if someone breaks up with you because they want to drink and do drugs, you're better off without them. I know it still really hurts, but do you really want someone who would end a relationship so they could spend more time with alcohol?

[NotMyselfNEmore]

Take the advice of the general population here... you're better off without her. I will have to agree with Blind_Otter.. you do not need closure with her but with YOURSELF.

 

I do want to say (and it's ok if no one agrees with me)... beware of those who will leave you because you are "too boring" and "not into drugs or alcohol" They go away to have all the fun they want and when they're tired of partying or they get sick, burned out and forgotten they come crawling back into your arms because they know you will always be there for them. So you end up being "just there" instead of being valued for who you really are! If this girl really valued you, alcohol would've taken the back seat of her priorities. You can't feed pearls to the pigs. Don't waste your time closing anything that wasn't opened in the first place. Leave it be, or you might end up really opening a can of worms.

 

But that's just my opinion....

[sneak817]

Wow, thank you all for your posts.. They all mean a lot me. I agree with everything everyone is saying.. I feel a lot better about the whole situation.

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to help me. It takes a special kind of person to do that and you guys all are.

Just a quick recap on my situation. She emailed me throughout the whole day today at work, but all she was talking about was partying, feeling hung over, what she's doing this weekend, etc. All of this hurt like hell.. But I did need it.. It’s helping KILL the image of goodness, and quality I once had for her.. I'm starting see her for who she is now, and not the person I once loved..

That's what was killing me the most, because she was such a good heart, loving person, and I felt like it would be so hard to find someone like that again. But now she's is just becoming ugly to me.. She's not the person I remember..

I can feel it I’m starting to move on.. I would of never though her emails would have help me get over her... wow, life is funny sometimes.. Out of everything i tried to get over her, this hands down has helped me the most.

Edited December 28, 2007 by sneak817