cutegirl Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 I went out with this friends brother for two and a half years..and we broke up. Lately my friend been hanging out a lot with her two male cousins and she wants us all to hang out together... And she told me (nicely) not to go after her cousins or cousins guy friends because it would go back to her other sisters and female cousins and they would all end up hating me because I would be dating my ex's cousin/friends, and they think that's scandalous. Now the thing is that I would never even WANT to date her male cousins or their friends in the first place. Not EVER. I already learned my lesson from dating her brother, I want nothing to do with any males from that family ever. I never even would consider it. I am just pissed that she would even bring this up. Even though I would never want to date ANY of her male cousins or their friends, I still don't like the fact that she brought it up. It makes me feel like "Who are YOU to tell me what to do" etc. She's NOT bringing it up because she thinks I'm a hussy and that I want all her cousins etc, she just doesn't want conflict between her other sisters and female cousins and me, because they are all gonna feel like I screwed my ex over (which is their brother/relative) if I date another person in his family and it would cause a lot of drama/conflict/fights... Just the fact that she brought it up is annoying to me... What do you think of this?
norajane Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 I think she's trying to head off any potential conflict, especially since they all hang out together, and trying to protect her brother from getting hurt further. She said it nicely, so I wouldn't make too much of it. And, obviously, she thinks you'd have your pick of those guys if you wanted them, and she's still your friend despite how it might be upsetting to her brother, so she must think highly of you.
Author cutegirl Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 (edited) I think she's trying to head off any potential conflict, especially since they all hang out together, and trying to protect her brother from getting hurt further. She said it nicely, so I wouldn't make too much of it. And, obviously, she thinks you'd have your pick of those guys if you wanted them, and she's still your friend despite how it might be upsetting to her brother, so she must think highly of you. Ok, this makes sense. I won't make a big deal over it then. Yeah, that's the main thing, she doesn't want conflict. She's always picking my side even over her own brother because she's the type that usually is one the female's side, plus she's known me over 10 years. She cares about her brother too, but if he's wrong with something she'll pick my side, she's objective even though it's her brother. It's just her sisters and female cousins are more protective of my ex and probably would cause problems if I dated their cousins or cousins friends etc. They are more on his side, because he's blood, plus the female cousin really disliked me even before I started dating the guy. When we were younger, around 18 or so, she actually tried to physically fight me before so that's part of it too... My friend had to actually hold her cousin back because she was about to attack me... the cousin has always been a troublemaker though so I guess she wants to avoid further conflict between me and them. Also, yes, my friend did ask it very nicely, even apologetic. I told her "I can't believe you would think I would go after your cousins etc. Why would you think such a thing?" and then she said she was sorry and didn't know why she asked either etc. Edited December 27, 2007 by cutegirl
Trimmer Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Is it also possible that she values her friendship with you to the degree that she wouldn't want any family conflict/drama on her end to influence and potentially damage her relationship with you? In other words, that she is at least partly concerned with preserving your friendship?
Author cutegirl Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Is it also possible that she values her friendship with you to the degree that she wouldn't want any family conflict/drama on her end to influence and potentially damage her relationship with you? In other words, that she is at least partly concerned with preserving your friendship? Yea, you're right. I know she's very much concerned with preserving our friendship because our friendship has been rocky at times but she always reaches out to me first after arguments between us, etc. Ok, I realize i's no big deal now and I'm fine with it. I was just initially offended when she first asked, it rubbed me the wrong way, that's all. I'm over it now and see she means no harm.
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