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do you keep sleeping with someone if they're in love with you???

elyse

By elyse
in General Relationship Discussion

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elyse Member

elyse

Posted
Posted

if someone has poured their heart out to you that they are in love with you, after being bed buddies for a while, do you still sleep with them?

 

i have a friend (no, really) who is so clueless. this girl is in love with him, and he has made it clear to her that he values their friendship and their sex and that's it...he's not interested in her further than that.

 

but he still sleeps with her...tonight, she was drunk and crying and saying how much she and him should be a couple and blah blah...what does he do?

 

he rushed to her house to sleep with her...

 

i need honest advice please...thanks!

shadowofman Established Member

shadowofman

Posted
Posted (edited)

He should simply tell her that he's fine with the fact that she loves him, but that he doesn't feel that strongly about her.

 

That he respects her as a person.

 

That likes her and would like to continue having sex with her, but he will continue to sleep with anyone he chooses, whenever he chooses.

 

If he is steed fast enough in his conditions, she'll either submit or leave him alone.

Edited by shadowofman
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spookie Established Member

spookie

Posted
Posted

That's s!htty. It doesn't sound to me like he values her friendship. The sex, maybe... but in a situation like that, a friend would back off until she got over him.

shadowofman Established Member

shadowofman

Posted
Posted

Maybe she is the one that should back off the sex with the person that is not in love with her, if it is upsetting her.

 

He should make his feelings completely clear on the matter, and as long as he is not forcing sex upon her, he is doing nothing wrong by pleasuring her and himself.

Quinch Established Member

Quinch

Posted
Posted

He's going to meet another girl, sleep with her, fall in love with her and then his friend is going to be very hurt. If he cares about her he's got to stop sleeping with her now and explain that he can only be her friend. It's up to her to move on with her own life.

polywog Established Member

polywog

Posted
Posted

He's no friend if he's watching her suffer over this. Yes, she's a grown-up and can make her own choices to sleep with this guy who doesn't love her, but I think it's like offering an alcoholic a drink, knowing that they can't have it, and have the choice not to take it. But it's a cruel thing to do.

 

I think the guy's acting like a selfish immature jerk, and needs to learn some compassion.

BlueEyedSarah

BlueEyedSarah

Posted
Posted

If he was really a friend he would back off and stop sleeping with her as she is upset. Also saying she was drunk and upset, he went over there to screw her? It made it sound like he took advantage of her...maybe I'm reading it all wrong :confused:

SpanksTheMonkey Established Member

SpanksTheMonkey

Posted
Posted
Maybe she is the one that should back off the sex with the person that is not in love with her, if it is upsetting her.

 

He should make his feelings completely clear on the matter, and as long as he is not forcing sex upon her, he is doing nothing wrong by pleasuring her and himself.

Shes fallen in love? could you honestly back away from some one you had fallen in love with I some how dout it would be that easy in real life. Some one needs to tell him the situation and how this girl truly feels. Then he needs to be a man and not think with his one eyed worm. If he def dosent feel the same way then talk to her and clear the air. He should prob just tell her things arnt working out because they obvesly want to diffrent things. And move on to no contact and let it be at that. She will hurt for a while but she will get over it in time. And I'm sure he can find some one whos just intrested in sex thats not to hard to find after all. Now If he can't or wont do this then no he dosen't respect her on any level and I would help her see that if you can.

SpanksTheMonkey Established Member

SpanksTheMonkey

Posted
Posted
If he was really a friend he would back off and stop sleeping with her as she is upset. Also saying she was drunk and upset, he went over there to screw her? It made it sound like he took advantage of her...maybe I'm reading it all wrong :confused:

Agreed!!!!

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elyse Member

elyse

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thanks guys....that's exactly what i wanted to hear. he is a selfish idiot.

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted
if someone has poured their heart out to you that they are in love with you, after being bed buddies for a while, do you still sleep with them?

 

i have a friend (no, really) who is so clueless. this girl is in love with him, and he has made it clear to her that he values their friendship and their sex and that's it...he's not interested in her further than that.

 

but he still sleeps with her...tonight, she was drunk and crying and saying how much she and him should be a couple and blah blah...what does he do?

 

he rushed to her house to sleep with her...

 

i need honest advice please...thanks!

 

My friend is in the same position... She fell in love with this guy after he was very honest with her.. all he wanted was to be sex buddies.. she was fine with it.. until she fell in love with him...

 

In this case, it's not as much HIS fault than HERS... she knew what she was getting into.. she fell for him... they've talked about it... he won't give her more than sex once a week... she is still sleeping with him... I think she's just as responsible for her own 'pain' than he is...

 

She knows (I told her many times) that I have no patience with this type of situation... She can stop the relationship.. but she won't ... He even told her on a few occasions that they should stop seeing each other.. but she keeps taking him back...

 

Honestly I don't blame him... she's one of my best friend.. and she knows exactly what I think about it.. She finds zilliion of excuses to keep seeing him...

 

I am sleeping with men that I am not in love with.. some have fallen in love with me.. but they know where I stand.. so if they want to stop.. they can.. if not.. it's their problem.. not mine. That's how I see it. I am not forcing them ... same as with this guy.. he's not forcing my friend to sleep with him...

cutegirl Established Member

cutegirl

Posted
Posted (edited)

Most guys probably do this on purpose, pretend to be friends/care etc to get sex, I bet you he doesn't care less about her friendship or her as a person, his number #1 goal is to get laid. Guys will say ANYTHING to get laid, lead you on, tell you they love you etc.

 

I'm sure his goal is to prolong it as long as possible so he can keep getting laid.

He probably couldn't care less if she cried every night etc. This is probably part of his game plan.

 

He's not clueless, he is pretending to be clueless so he can get sex. He knows she likes him but is manipulating her so he can get laid. Most guys would have no problem doing this at all.

 

I'm not saying that there's something wrong with this, I'm just saying that the guy is playing his game to get some.

Edited by cutegirl
shadowofman Established Member

shadowofman

Posted
Posted

That could be his goal, but she is going to get hurt anyway.

 

Even if he stops sleeping with her, whenever he falls in love with someone else, she will be hurt.

 

How much more hurt can she get after she is told that he doesn't love her?

 

What is wrong with saying, "I don't love you, but I like having sex with you. While I like you and respect you as a person, I don't want to be in a relationship with you. Take it or leave it."

 

It is then her problem, not his!

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

The less you love of a woman the more she loves you so if a man is into being a player it is almost a given that one of thos women will fall in love with him. It is a hazzard that goes along with the lifestyle.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

Posted
Posted
thanks guys....that's exactly what i wanted to hear. he is a selfish idiot.

Yes, he's a selfish idiot but she's also not too bright, to empower his selfish behaviour. How low will you stoop to hang onto someone? Does she have any pride at all? Time to blow (up) this popsicle stand...

 

She desperately needs an injection of LS common sense so if you know her fairly well, get her onboard.

cutegirl Established Member

cutegirl

Posted
Posted
Yes, he's a selfish idiot but she's also not too bright, to empower his selfish behaviour. How low will you stoop to hang onto someone? Does she have any pride at all? Time to blow (up) this popsicle stand...

 

She desperately needs an injection of LS common sense so if you know her fairly well, get her onboard.

 

She probably has low-self esteem. Some girls I know will stoop REAL low to hang on to someone, even if it means having no pride and dignity or self-respect whatsoever.

 

I kind of used to be like that as well (except MUCH worse than the example the OP posted above). I think I learned my lesson though and won't be as clingy when being taken advantage of the next time though.

shadowofman Established Member

shadowofman

Posted
Posted

Should we really be making these assumptions about this girl. She was having sex with someone she loves and she's upset that this guy doesn't love her back. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe she is just hoping that he will change his mind.

SpanksTheMonkey Established Member

SpanksTheMonkey

Posted
Posted
That could be his goal, but she is going to get hurt anyway.

 

Even if he stops sleeping with her, whenever he falls in love with someone else, she will be hurt.

 

How much more hurt can she get after she is told that he doesn't love her?

 

What is wrong with saying, "I don't love you, but I like having sex with you. While I like you and respect you as a person, I don't want to be in a relationship with you. Take it or leave it."

 

It is then her problem, not his!

Agreed but I dont think this guy has given her that much respect to actualy flat out tell her that. Insted he goes to her when shes hurting and most needey and humps her like a dog in heat. And I'm pretty sure they don't have long meaningfull talks before or afterward! Sounds like hes just leadeing her down the primrose path untill he gets in her pants to me anyways. And the fact shes fallen in love with him dosent help the that fact. Again its prob not to easy to walk away at this point out of hope that he may come around :confused:

brothermartin Established Member

brothermartin

Posted
Posted

Hell no! Once the "L" word is uttered, all bets are off.

 

If you check chapter 6 paragraph 9 of the Playa's manual it clearly states:

 

"HELL NO! ONCE THE "L" WORD IS UTTERED, ALL BETS ARE OFF!"

cutegirl Established Member

cutegirl

Posted
Posted
Hell no! Once the "L" word is uttered, all bets are off.

 

If you check chapter 6 paragraph 9 of the Playa's manual it clearly states:

 

"HELL NO! ONCE THE "L" WORD IS UTTERED, ALL BETS ARE OFF!"

 

I seriously doubt it. I think for most players that's their whole goal, to string a girl along who is in love with them so they can get laid.

 

The guy is a jerk but he doesn't owe her anything. He is not OBLIGATED to break ties with her just because she's in love and giving it up while he has no interest in her. Some people might argue that he SHOULD but the thing is that he doesn't HAVE to. Obviously he's going to do what's in his best interest.

brothermartin Established Member

brothermartin

Posted
Posted
I seriously doubt it. I think for most players that's their whole goal, to string a girl along who is in love with them so they can get laid.

 

The guy is a jerk but he doesn't owe her anything. He is not OBLIGATED to break ties with her just because she's in love and giving it up while he has no interest in her. Some people might argue that he SHOULD but the thing is that he doesn't HAVE to. Obviously he's going to do what's in his best interest.

 

I'm considered a player, and I do not do that. What would be in his best interest is to back off and end it. If you need an example why: John Wayne Bobbit.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
i need honest advice please...thanks!

Why is their situation so important to you?

 

Mr. Lucky

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