flyncycle Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 My wife was in a very heated affair two years ago. It was pretty much like having a roommate for 5 months and she totally ignored the kids during that time. All of her energy was focused on the affair and she flaunted the affair knowing that at the time my biggest concern was taking care of the kids and trying to understand what was going on. I was totally floored by her behavior. It was 180 degrees from who she had been for the first 20 years of our marriage. The guy had been on a temporary assignment and had to return home. She has continued to stay in contact with the guy all these months via email and regular phone calls. She has admitted that it is not so much the guy, but the idea of the thrill of a romantic trist. She has told me that she has no intentions of having another affair, but that she also feels that while I am her best friend and she is very much in love with me, she feels no passion towards me and that this is a very important part of her life that is missing. She has basically said that she in no way wants to ruin our relationship or disrupt the childrens lives, so why can't I just learn to be happy with 80% of her while she fills that need for passion and excitement by going dancing again and having fun with guys or a guy if she happens to find one. I don't know what to do... I feel like I've been kicked in the gut and now she's telling me I love you, but I can also love another man without it interfering with our relationship, Just turn a blind eye and ignore what you see. Just play dumb and happy and all will be great. I love you and have no intentions of leaving you. It's killing me... I have really felt that I should work to save our marriage for us and especially our children. I don't know what to do now or where to turn.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 So, she just decided to arbitrarily change the rules and make your marriage an open one, did she? What a complete ass. And I guess we also need to give her a Mother-of-the-Year award for neglecting her own kids - all in the pursuit of making HERSELF happy. Where the HELL does this lousy excuse for a woman get the idea that this type of selfish and self-absorbed behavior is acceptable? I hate to tell you, but she gets it from you. You put up with her deplorable behavior for 5 months while she flaunted her affair in your face. And you, in essence, became mom AND dad to your kids because this selfish witch was out tending to her own needs and was too busy to THINK about anyone else. I guess the REAL question is, exactly when did you cease to be a victim and choose to become a volunteer?
polywog Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Please don't do this to yourself. She's making these outrageously self-serving rules that are all win-win for her and hitting your heart with a big ugly hammer. There is No Way you should put up with this, and she has to realize that. I've never been in this position, but loads of LSer's have.... I reckon you will get a lot of good advice any minute now.....
polywog Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 It just occurred to me that you'd get a lot more responses if you posted this in the "infidelity" thread. Hope you do that.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 She has told me that she has no intentions of having another affair, but that she also feels that while I am her best friend and she is very much in love with me, she feels no passion towards me and that this is a very important part of her life that is missing. She has basically said that she in no way wants to ruin our relationship or disrupt the childrens lives, so why can't I just learn to be happy with 80% of her while she fills that need for passion and excitement by going dancing again and having fun with guys or a guy if she happens to find one. I can see how this might be just peachy for her, but how does this make sense for you ? Tell her you'll be happy with this new arrangement as long as you get to pick which 80% you receive. You want the 4/5's that include her passion, sexuality, intimacy, committment,, fidelity, love, excitement and trust. The other 20% - the bad moods, lies, cheating and betrayal - she can bestow on whomever she chooses... Mr. Lucky
Recommended Posts