Precious K Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 So I sit here on christmas day, just wondering if I made the right choice... I left my ex for good. I told him to have a good evening and I said "bye ......" I guess he doesn't know what it means but I do. I have fooled myself thinking that he was going to change, that just maybe he would be faithful to me. Maybe he was going to see how much crap he has put me through. But he never did anything I imagine he would do every time I left. I see my life as I've been broken down, kicked and shoved to the lowest hole. Right now I don't see how I will ever put my life back together. I just can't live like this anymore. I see this picture in my mind that he will be fine with not talking to me. That other girls will come in and take my place. He will forget about me. And it kills me to think this way. But I have to in a way because I have to realise how I was just a girl for him. I have him almost 5 yrs of my life. And all that I got for was a broken heart and depression on a high! I feel shame for doing this to myself. I became this crazy girl that always wondered about what he was doing, who he talked to, where he went. I became jealous, anxious, terrified that he would leave me. And now I have to accept that I was "that one girl". I mean he told me he slept with some other girl, how he got with someone else a week before we broke up. I knew he talked to girls through the wonderful world of myspace. Yes, he admited to cheating but he didn't admit everything he did. I played stupid and look the other way for just hope that he would change. He just never did. So I don't know where I am trying to get with this. But I know that I need help. I needed to let this out to people that would understand. How can I just learn to let go?
tinke Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 precious k, sorry to hear of your difficult time. stay with your instincts. something told you to leave, that you are worth more...you are! you should feel fulfilled in a relationship, not anxious about his whereabouts. can't blame you for your feelings, once cheated on..the dynamics change. it is my experience that once they feel that they CAN cheat, that the gratification outweighs your relationship...what is to stop them from doing it again? it becomes more about the disrespect than the actual act (for me). you cannot teach someone respect. sorry for your pain. take care of you.
AriaIncognito Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Precious I can empathize with your situation. I walked away from a bad man myself. He was able to view me as just someone to have around until he found someone of his same religion to be with. Strung me along and all that. It truly hurts, and it's hard to walk away from them because you just assume you're different and that you'll be worth them committing to. You ARE worth being committed to, and not by some man who can't commit on small things like what to eat on a friday night, you know? Usually when they wont commit in one area, they won't commit in any. Would you really want a lifetime of uncertainty with him? i know I don't. I want to KNOW my man loves ME and only ME. I want to not worry about who he's with or who he's texting or why. You've done something great for yourself. So have I. We just both need to be patient while we wait for the reason we have done this... Stay stong!
indignant Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I see this picture in my mind that he will be fine with not talking to me. That other girls will come in and take my place. He will forget about me. And it kills me to think this way. But I have to in a way because I have to realise how I was just a girl for him. I have him almost 5 yrs of my life. And all that I got for was a broken heart and depression on a high! I feel shame for doing this to myself. I became this crazy girl that always wondered about what he was doing, who he talked to, where he went. I became jealous, anxious, terrified that he would leave me. And now I have to accept that I was "that one girl". I can relate to this a lot.. I'm really sorry to hear this Precious K. I would like to tell you that there are a lot of us out there, a lot who have made it and survived, it's just that when we reach this low, we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.. Be strong.. You already gave him a chance as you realized it didn't take you anywhere.. The relationship will never be the same once you know that they've slept with another person and cheated.. To me, I can see myself 20 years down the road with another person, and still remember that.. It's hard.. All I can say is be strong.. You're not the only one.. And I hope things will work out for you.. Look at this as a new start for a new year...
randuff Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Don't go back!!! I did and all it got me was more pain and this stupid T-shirt! I kept telling myself she will see what hurt she caused and stop. Well it didn't and I don't think it will for a looooong time and I am not willing to wait that long. You are better off finding someone who doesn't cheat. Someone who values a relationship and what it means. Someone like me and the many other guys on this forum. We are out there and one day you will run into one of us and you will never look back. I know it is hard but keep looking ahead because there is nothing good behind you.
Author Precious K Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Thank you so much to all of you guys for giving me words of advice and encouragement. Ariawoman- I get what you're telling me. Omg! I so understand you. I really to what you said to mind. And I'm sorry it has happened to you also. The only thing is that time doesn't seem to pass by as quick as I want. Randuff- awww... you're sweet. Well I hope someday I can met someone good like you. Trust me I'm not going back, I can't go back. ________________________ As I was going about my day I come to see that my ex sent about 5 txt msgs. And I just stared straight at each of them for 5 minutes. I was trying to find a hidden msg in each of his words. Trying to fool myself again. I told him I couldn't be with him how I know that he was never meant for me but for someone else. He kept telling me how he never felt good enough for me and I never gave him a reason. I always tried to reasure him that I wanted him for him not for what he had or didn't have. He told me that he will never leave me because he knows he can make me happy. But he doesn't make me happy. And he knows that he just blocks that from his mind. He knows he's broken my heart and all he tells me is that he will fix it because he was the one who broke it so who better than him to put me back together. I hate that so much because he knows what he does, he knows that his cheating, his lies, his stories hurt me. How can he say such things and tell me that he will make it all better when he has been the one that broke me.. (While we were txtn each other he was talking to that one girl he may like that has a baby) And for some reason I knew it and it didn't bother me, but it will always hurt me. I just want him to understand what he's putting me through. Why doesn't he care? Am I just like the girl that gives him what he needs when he wants whenever he pleases?! I know I can't live like this, he will always be this guy that needs the attention from a female or females. I love this guy with all my heart but I know he will never love me back the way I do. I want that like ariawoman said. I want a man to love me for me as I would love him. Oooh, I forgot to mention that he found out some guy that met me started to talk to me. He went crazy he was so mad at me. Furious. And all I did was be nice to the guy not wanting anything with him. Cause I want this stupid guy who keeps breaking my heart. Oooh what a day.
Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 How can I just learn to let go? It takes time, time, time, willpower and a whole lotta' work on yourself, before you can get over the effects of a loved one cheating on you. You will go through a series of roller coaster emotions and sometimes, you'll feel that it's going to tear you apart. I'm glad to see you reaching out to get help. In expressing all the pain, anger, sadness and hurt, it helps to bleed some of it off, a little at a time. Don't be afraid to see a therapist. I did it and would highly recommend the experience. Seeing a therapist is no big deal and doesn't mean you're nuts, as some people believe. It's an opportunity to learn some coping tools for an experience you've never had before.
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