grayddogs Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 (edited) Has anybody experienced this? My partner of 17 years has pretty much "checked out" from our relationship and I'm can even think of what to do. For several years now our careers and personal interests/pursuits have taken us on two very different paths: Him with his reconnection to the Othodox Christain Church and me with Public Service and Charity functions. We do see each other at least 4 evenings a week and he simple zones out by watching t.v. and falling asleep. I will watch with him but when I try to have a conversation he has become dispondant or states he's just too tire to talk. I have gone to some of his functions and he to mine. He is a very withdraw, guarded person while I'm more direct and talkative. To the point: things have gotten so bad with us that I have recently asked him if he was still interested in us continuing our relationship and he responds by making remarks like "what, are you in a bad mood again", etc. He never gives me a straight answer and will not talk with me like an adult about anything..period. We can't even plan our vacations or outings together. I'm at a loss. Seventeen years put in, lots of things, dogs, connections with his family, what do I do? I feel my life is slowing dying. Do I leave and hope for better along? I've cried about this so much and even talked with him about it and got no response. I'm the one following in behind him asking for a response, any response. It's so bad he doesn't even response sometimes when I say hello when I get home! I mention it and he says "oh, you're going to start again?". Help! Edited December 26, 2007 by grayddogs grammer correction
Mr. Lucky Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Well, one thing is clear. This isn't something you can fix alone. So you're left with two choices: Either he participates in getting things back on track. Or... You leave. Ultimately, it'll be up to him. Make sure he understands that. Start making your own plans accordingly. Hope it goes well... Mr. Lucky
MissMaris Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I would dread being in that position again! Unfortunately, it takes two to fix a broken relationship and he sounds as if he's unwilling or unable to make a committment to it. He also sounds kind of depressed. Has he ever been diagnosed with depression? YOu may have to give him an ultimatum or do a trial seperation in order for him to 'come around' and realize how serious you are.
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Have you actually told him, "I love you, but right now the way things are, I AM UNHAPPY and if we don't fix this relationship, put effort in and try to rekindle the romance, become close again intimately, spend quality time together, connecting again, I'm afraid that this relationship will end because I feel unloved by you and you don't seem to want to be with me anymore." Don't let him brush you off, keep trying to talk to him. If that doesn't work and falls on deaf ears, then yeah, maybe a separation is in order.
michaelk Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I concur with the others. You need to confront this head on, and don't let him continue to act as if you're making something out of nothing. That's just his way of being defensive. He probably doesn't want to talk because he thinks you're not at all going to like what he has to say. My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years, and if she had asked me about our relationship and lack of communication last year, I would have brushed her off, too. Fortunately, things are very much better now, but it took me violating her trust and having an affair first. Don't let this happen to you! Tell him he either has to go with you to a marriage counselor or you're moving on. If he doesn't wake up and make an effort to fix things after you drop that bomb, then he's checked out and there's little chance of his coming back.
Author grayddogs Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 Have you actually told him, "I love you, but right now the way things are, I AM UNHAPPY and if we don't fix this relationship, put effort in and try to rekindle the romance, become close again intimately, spend quality time together, connecting again, I'm afraid that this relationship will end because I feel unloved by you and you don't seem to want to be with me anymore." Don't let him brush you off, keep trying to talk to him. If that doesn't work and falls on deaf ears, then yeah, maybe a separation is in order. Thank you very much for this. All the replies have helped me feel more fortified and less along in this struggle. I am going to move forward and either see our relationship become better or move on if that doesn't occur. It's just very daunting to even consider my life might have to change completely. Thank you for your response.
She'stheReason Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Ok the situation i am dealing with is not as big as hers. I am 20 and my wife is 19. We were married on Novemeber 17 of 2006. Things have always been wierd because we are both very stubborn but the love has always been there. Sure we fight but we talk about it. i have always prided myself in trying to talk about things like she wants to rather than be like most guys and try to brush it under the couch. funny thing is she dousn't always want to talk and really just listens to me...heh. Anyway She has been sick for a very long time and was REDIAGNOSED with PCOS. The doctor before didn't do the extra test and ,though we studied it and weere pretty sure, had to get another doctor to run these tests to be positive. PCOS causes and is associated with Infertility,endomertiosis (sp?),Glucose intolerance (can lead to diabetese),and a severe hormone imbalance with a side of weight gain. I think the biggest problem is that she hates that everyone is having babies around her. Though we both decided that we aren't in the best place for one just yet she still dwells on it. I know that she is tired all the time and that the medicine has horrible effects on her body. She always says she feels sorry that I have to put up with her and I don't mind. But now I am afraid she is starting to be hostile 9for lack of a better word at this late hour) towards me because I asked to her to pick up a light job for a few extra bucks through the week. She was fine when she took this waitressing job on 3rd shift. I begged her not to because her body jsut wasn't up for the toll that takes on you. She pulled it off for a while till she started this new medication. Now she can barely do anything but sleep ALL the time and she gets angry because i ask her to quit and she says I am only doing it because I don't want to hear her complain. She has become withdrawn from me too. She has the energy to run to her mom's house to do things and go do this and that but she is too tired for anything with me. NOTE: I do encourage her to go spend time with her mom. It is just that when she tells me she dousn't feel like getting off the couch she can jump up and rush over there for them and if I don't want to go and watch her mom pet on her and baby her then i sit at home alone..... Im at a loss just really at a loss.
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