trulysomething Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I am having a hard time coping lately. It's been 3 months since the breakup and I'm currently home for the holidays. We never went NC and I'm thinking maybe we should have. I have been having a hard time with it all, but have agreed to "stay close" and talk everyday, etc. while I am away. He is my best friend and I don't want to go NC, but I need to get my head sorted that we should only be friends. I had a bit too much to drink on Christmas eve and called him. I can't remember much of what was said, but I cried a lot. A lot. He called me this morning to wish me a merry Christmas and it was awkward. We chatted and I apologized for my outbreak and said that it wasn't going to happen again. Things were fine and we had a lovely long chat. He wanted to speak with me on msn later (after my Christmas stuff) and I obliged. On MSN, he was distant. Barely answering my comments or questions. Then he said he felt ill and nervous and that he felt really bad about our Christmas eve convo. I told him I was an idiot and that it was over. He said that it upset him to know I was so horribly upset and that it was his fault. He told me he was going to log off and just needed to clear his head and that is was nothing serious. I asked him if he thought it would be easier for us to not talk. He never replied. He then told me that we should talk tomorrow and watch movies together (we generally watch at the same time and chat). He signed off with sending hugs and kisses. I adore him, but I don't know if things might be better for me to just get some space and to not chat with him. I hate that all this keeps dredging up. I want to be with him (Stupid I know), but I can't keep holding on either and I kind of feel like maybe that's the case. Any advice would be great..and thanks for listening. Merry Christmas everyone.
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