Ashbash11 Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I won't launch into my whole story, but I will make it short and say that I had been doing the "friends" thing with my ex boyfriend for 2 years... yes, 2 years of torture! I finally came to my senses and realized that it was unhealthy to keep up the "friends" charade, especially because it was building my false hope and not allowing me to move on... So, a few weeks ago I told my ex that I didn't want to be friends anymore, and to stop contacting me. Well, much to my surprise, he listened and he hasn't contacted me since... Theoretically I should be happy, right? I should be free and moving on... Not exactly. I still think about him multiple times a day and I wonder how he is doing. Today was even harder, because it's his birthday and I was SOOO tempted to send him a text message or call to say "happy birthday." I now find myself really angry. I'm angry because one of my friends spoke to him on the phone today and he didn't ask about me or mention me at all.. It's as if I've disappeared from his life. Even though this is what I wanted, I'm angry that I'm not more important to him. I think this is one of those situations where I am addicted to the feeling of being important to someone and being cared about by someone, but I'm not really sure. I feel really confused, I guess. I think I'm doing the right thing, but sometimes I doubt my choice... I really wish this whole NC thing were easier. Anyone else out there having NC problems?????
brothermartin Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Absolutely. I wish it were easier too, but it's not. What your feeling is a lack of worth. We both feel that it's not fair the the ex can cut us out of there lives like we never really mattered anyway, and go about each day without a problem. Meanwhile we constantly think about them and fight a daily urge to call or txt or email, secretly wishing and hoping that they would come to there senses and come running back to us or extend an apology or explaination or something. The truth is, we don't know what's going on with them. For all we know they may be having just as hard of a time as we are. But it's not there responsibility to give us back our sense of worth and purpose, it's ours.
randuff Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I have been split up with my ex fiance of 4 years for 8 months now.... I have tried the friend role this whole time. I was very supportive of her with money and school and work that it has been difficult to not stay friends with her. I worry about her every single day though I shouldn't, not after what she put me through and did to me yet I still find myself clinging on to this false hope that she will realise how important I was to her and come fleeing back. It ain't happenin'.... The last 2 weeks have been rough because instead of contacting each other EVERY day for 4 years it has been 3 times or so. Today she messaged me Merry Christmas and I messaged back the same and I added the I love you at the end. She replied with "I miss you, so much. I love love love you!" Then I called her at 7:50pm and 3 hours later I haven't heard back.... I just wanted to actually speak to her on Christmas.... Now I sit here all pathetic wishing I didn't call her at all. I wish she wouldn't contact me anymore... I think it would be easier on me. At least until I had no feelings for her which I can't ever imagine happening. We still share some credit cards and have our names on her lease for her vehicle so I can't exactly NEVER talk to her again but hopefully I can get over this one day. My guess is your ex has feelings for you. He cares about you. I know my ex does. Either that or the last few "talks" we had could have landed her an Academy Award if she was acting. Maybe since they know they don't want more it is easier for them to just let it be and not talk to us. I know if something bad were to happen to me she would be right there next to me, supportive of me. I'm sure yours would be the same. We just have to remember that they don't carry these feelings we have for them. It's hard and it sucks to feel this way trust me I know, but we have to deal with it and get over it one day. I wish you luck in your NC. I hope you don't go insane like me always wondering if they still think about you a little. It does us no good.
Author Ashbash11 Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 Yes, BrotherMartin you're right.. It is definitely lack of self worth... I just wish that I was more important to my ex, you know? But you are right, it doesn't matter at this point. We have to focus on healing ourselves and moving forward... always forward. I guess I was just lamenting because I get weak from time to time and I'm very tempted to break NC.. The only thing that really helps me is when I remind myself, "What good will come of contacting him? how will it help you in the long run?" When I realize it won't, I'm usually okay with continuing NC... it's really hard though.
brothermartin Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Yes, BrotherMartin you're right.. It is definitely lack of self worth... I just wish that I was more important to my ex, you know? But you are right, it doesn't matter at this point. We have to focus on healing ourselves and moving forward... always forward. I guess I was just lamenting because I get weak from time to time and I'm very tempted to break NC.. The only thing that really helps me is when I remind myself, "What good will come of contacting him? how will it help you in the long run?" When I realize it won't, I'm usually okay with continuing NC... it's really hard though. If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't stick with NC either. I sent my ex an email wishing her a merry Christmas, hoping I would get something back. And I did. It was just a simple thank you, same to you. The strange thing was, I didn't feel anything. No anger, no joy, nothing. So if you break NC, don't beat yourself up about it. We're only human.
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