AnotherGirl Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 (edited) Hey, I hope you all are having a great holiday right now! Hopefully, we can have a good time without our exes around! I posted around a month ago about my break-up...it has been nearly 4 months since my break up. Here is the thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t136638/ Please don't get daunted by the length of this post. I would greatly appreciate your advice. If you don't want to read the thread before, basically my ex broke up with me mainly because his family told him to do so, and things have become complicated between us ever since the break up. Ever since last month (since I wrote the last post), my relationship with my ex seems to be getting worse, and I've learned of problems in the relationship that I didn't know before. He claims to have realized these problems AFTER the break up and seems to be kind of...bitter about them. I also feel like blaming him a lot for the relationship's failure instead of taking all, if not most, of the blame (as I did earlier). I just want him to take some responsibility instead of treating me as the primary cause for the break up. After he blamed me so much already, I just feel like returning the favor and having my say in what HE did wrong. I want to send him an e-mail and just pour all that is in my mind now onto that e-mail. I want to get it out. I can't stand taking the blame without having the chance to let him know that he isn't so blameless. As for his and my relationship right now, he offers me friendship, but I don't really know if I can take that offer anymore. He doesn't want to talk over our past problems, and yet seems to expect me to be perfectly fine being his friend without having issues resolved. He thinks we should let time make the problems or issues go away or that we should discuss them later...when/if we are really good friends again. I'm not sure if that works for me. I'm the kind of person who has to speak her mind in a friendship...otherwise, I'm not so happy with intentionally muting myself over issues that greatly bother me. I'm not so sure I can pretend to be okay with talking to him while still being frustrated with him and not being able to express that frustration. I don't think time will make me no longer want to express myself on this issue either. As for whether I have gotten over him, I am not sure. I still am hurt over what happened, but I feel that I am starting to turn exasperated with how he acted after the break up and how he seems to think that he acted the way a mature, knowledgeable, and experienced person should act. I am starting to feel that I deserve better...that true, I was not perfect, and I don't think I'll ever be, but that I'm improving and that is what matters. I also feel that my standing-up to his parents--the main reason for the break up--is not so wrong after all. I also think that the way his mom acted in this situation wasn't right, and that I was right to be upset...and that she shouldn't be the reason for any break up. Basically, I am starting to feel that I need someone who won't bail on me so easily once his family pokes at the relationship. Someone who is better than what he is right now. And that unless he becomes that "better someone," perhaps I should look elsewhere. Yet sometimes, I just feel sad that all this happened...I feel sad that things have gotten so bad. Recently, these thoughts have consumed me. Is this a normal stage in coping? Getting angry and frustrated and occasionally getting sad before being able to no longer want the person? Basically, what do you think I should do? E-mail him? Is what I am feeling normal? How can I better cope with this frustration? I find it hard to refuse being his friend...I still care for him...I am not sure if letting everything out to him will help in making me be able to feel comfortable being his friend. Maybe it's too early? What do you think? Another thing: Some of his friends (not all) used to be my classmates, and they and I used to hang out from time to time. Some of them seem nice to me now (despite him telling me earlier that his friends were upset) ever since I contacted one of his friends who didn't ever seem to have a problem with me and was welcoming to me before the break up. Cutting friendship ties with him would probably mean that I am somewhat cutting ties with them also since I wouldn't be able to see them often without seeing him. This is another reason I am hesitant and unsure. Edited December 25, 2007 by AnotherGirl
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