jujubean Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 well heres the story would like some advice, input and comments I met a guy over the internet we talked for 10 months, we met and we hit it off he asked me to move in with him (another state) I did. He buys me stuff all the time - laptop, a kitten, the list goes on and on. Well I have been here over 2 months and we have had sex 3 times. I have told him that if he wants to be friends he needs to tell me so I can get out of here he says he doesnt, he loves me wants me to stay has asked me to marry him so can someone tel me what is really going on here.. I dont consider what we have any more than a friendship/room mate deal. I have talked to him over and over and it just goes over his head. He wont kiss me except goodbye in the morning and when he gets home and I am lucky to get a kiss before he goes to bed. I have told him that I am gonna leave and he begs me not to. I have talked to him about our realtionship and I get no answers he just says I love you please dont go, he says hes stressed from work, sick the list goes on and on. I have never been more confused in my life. Whats even more ironic is that I am in love with him.
Always Wrong Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Guys drive is governed by testosterone production. Maybe he needs to see a doctor. A friend of mine went through that and didn't even realize there was something missing. He just thought he was mellowing with age. Now he takes a supplement called "Testred" and hes back to normal.
Author jujubean Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 well I would believe that but he was fine the first 2 weeks I was here then one morning he woke up and changed. I asked if it was something I did or said or anything and the response I get is I love you I dont want to lose you everything will be fine between us.
compassion42 Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 How old is he? Perhaps he is experiencing some sort of "performance anxiety"? I'm glad you have talked about it with him and would encourage more conversation. If you love him, you may not want to make threats of leaving because that probably makes it worse. Talk about it some more and ask him if there is anything you can do to set the mood or perhaps make things less stressful.
Author jujubean Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 He is 38. Honestly he acts clueless when I bring it up. He acts like this is how everyone lives I am like um no. I get that he is not a touchy feely kind of guy and I do know that he loves me but I am just confused as to what the problem may be. I asked him if there is a problem he said no - I dont think a relationship has to be all about sex but in any other relationship I have ever been in that plays a big part. Maybe I am way off in my thinking I dont know
Jilly Bean Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Wait, you chatted with him online for 10 months, then met him, and he immediately asked you to move in with him? Is that right?
Author jujubean Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 We had met online then met in person and he asked me to move in a month after we met we commuted back and forth for 2 months (weekends) then I decided to move in with him
Jilly Bean Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Well, there's your problem right there, hon. It's hard to really know ANYTHING about someone after 2 months. But, it was a red flag that he asked you to move in after a month (and you accepted!).
phoensam Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Well, there's your problem right there, hon. It's hard to really know ANYTHING about someone after 2 months. But, it was a red flag that he asked you to move in after a month (and you accepted!). I disagree. It is what it is. Can happen in any sort of relationship. I'd tell him you don't think it's normal, it's an issue for you and you are going to leave unless you can sort out a solution for it. Be as supportive as you can, but if nothing changes, I'd get out of there, or you will be in for a life of disappointment & self doubt. If you want some passion, and it's already gone and he's not willing to do anything to help, move on. If he doesn't get help, it won't get better, and no, it's not normal, particularly that early in a relationship. Good luck.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Maybe he isnt feeling the same way about the relationship as you are. I understand stress from work etc etc, but for him to compleely ignore conversations about the relationship is obsurb. If he doesnt want to open up, then he needs to at least tell you where he wants the relationship to go
brothermartin Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 When you talk to him about this problem, what exactly do you say? It could be that you're not being direct and specific enough with your approach.
D-Lish Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I too dated someone with a low testosterone level.... He had zero sex drive... and it really got in the way of our relationship! If he doesn't go dee someone about this- I would leave. It only gets worse. If it makes you feel bad now- think about how you will feel down the road! It doesn't get better- believe me!
Author jujubean Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 brothermartin I ask him point blank is there a problem, are you unattracted to me, do you want me to leave he says he loves me wants me to stay, has stress, on and on and I wrote him 2 email s and have talked to him and all I get is I dont want you to go I need you WTH
Myz_Heavenly Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I am sorry about what you are going through, but I am getting ready to move in with someone in a few months and wanted your opinion on my thread of how long to wait before moving in...
Author jujubean Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 well all we talked last night and I told him that I was on the first plane out Thursday morning- his reaction was to telll me that this was my fault because he is so stressed everyday because he thinks I am gonna leave and he siad he thought we were working on a relationship..I thought I was already in one-
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