SmileyFace82 Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Hi everyone, I've just spent the whole of Christmas Day by myself. It hasn't turned out as bad as i thought it would but i have made a vow never to spend Christmas on my own again. I've had a lot of time to think today, i've phoned back home to my family in the U.K a few times just to help me get through the day. I've thought about my ex countless times today...will i ever go through a day of not thinking about her? However, the time alone has allowed me to come to a few conclusions. One, i'm happy to have had the opportunity to have someone like my ex at one point in my life rather than not at all. Two, we broke up for a reason and it's true never to look back. I'm glad she did not take me back because i would have made changes in my life for all the wrong reasons...changing for her rather than doing it for myself and in the long run that wouldn't have lasted either. Three, i've changed a lot for the better and i feel like i've grown up a lot since the break up. I have made plans for the future, bought myself an apartment and enrolled in a course (bloody hard, regretting it now! haha). There should be no regrets... I can't wait for the New Year because i have promised myself to focus on myself. I'm striving to be the best at everything i do, and learn as many new things as i can... something i did not do before and hence the reason why my ex had left me for someone else. I don't blame her for it, i loved her and cared for her. She said i have a heart of gold but that just wasn't enough. If you were given a choice of someone who's more successful, smarter, more intelligent, makes more money, more decisive and more fun then it's an easy choice. I became a loser, concentrating on her and trying to make her happy rather than take care of myself. I've changed a lot already from the break up...i've managed to pick myself up from rock bottom. It's something to be proud of. I do miss her still but there are just so many questions that i will never receive answers to. There's no point in pondering what the answers maybe, I should not regret or contemplate what might have been. Focus on the present and all the things that will make me a better person for next year. Well, that's that... That's my Christmas Day!! I'm glad to share it with everyone else on LS. Have a Merry Christmas everyone, SmileFace82
Tony T Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 It sounds to me like you've come to some very sound, wise and mature conclusions. Your former relationship has helped you grow and that's good. While you may think about her now there will be a day when not even a speck of your memory will be set on her. It's just the nature of life and there's nothing we can do about it. Getting over somebody is a pain in the butt that consumes a lot of time and emotion. I'm very glad you're at the end of that. You have a very good attitude and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us. I hope many others will gain insight from what you have put in writing for us.
tinke Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 first, congrats on mastering your turmoil and finding you again. sounds as though you are surely headed on the right road. secondly, i, for one, would choose someone who is caring, sensitive, and communicative over power, financial success. these are traits that cannot be taught, and they come naturally for you. so, hang in there.....there will be someone who appreciates you for who you are. best wishes.... happy holidays.
Author SmileyFace82 Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 Many thanks for both your comments. I do see myself heading towards the right direction although perhaps not near the end as such but i will get there eventually. You know, i still wake up with her in my mind like i did this morning, but you just have to learn to deal with it. I've had enough of thinking negatively towards her but instead i smile and think okay good times now lets get on with my day. In the past i have wasted hours of my day thinking about her... what was the point? i could've accomplished so much more in the past few months if i spent that time on my career or learning new activities. Spending Christmas alone has woken me up. Ive had about a 1000 emotions run through me during Christmas Day and i've decided that it was a significant day for me. I'm NOT going to be spending next Christmas alone that's for sure. I've had time to think and everything happened for a reason. You can't affect the past, only your present and future...Now i can choose happiness or choose to stay where i was and reminisce and feel alone... i choose to be happy.
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