Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 I have a date scheduled with a girl tomorrow. We've gone out a couple of times and she invited me to an event on Xmas day before the last time we went out (on Friday). We've had conversations around the idea of respect and how it's never difficult to get back to someone or talk to someone except on rare occasions if that's what was planned. Since going out Friday, I haven't heard from her (3 days is unusual from what I know of her at this point). This was after her saying that she would give me a call on Saturday. We texted back and forth a bit Saturday about something silly that I initiated, but never talked. I called her at noon today to ask about her weekend and to just generally say HI and have not heard back. The date is tomorrow afternoon and I just already have this feeling I'm being blown off. I know it's Xmas time... yeah, got that. But based on the aforementioned talk we've had and the fact that we need to arrange some form of plans tomorrow, am I really just expecting the worst for no reason? I don't have any family around me and all of my friends are away so I really don't have a lot happening over Xmas. Can one really just get so caught up in the holiday with friends and family to disappear like this? Am I seriously overreacting?
oppath Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 (edited) I wouldn't say you are overreacting. I'd feel disappointed and potentially blown off too. However, given the holidays, things do come up, so give her a chance to respond. It could be she needs to cancel, but is still interested, and now has the awkward task of making alternative plans, right? While you just want to know, given Christmas, there may be more at play and it's not in your control. Yes, you should feel disappointed and a little blown off. However, if she calls, be understanding given the holiday. Then again, my ex gf didn't call me back last Christmas until 1:30 am my time. We live in Cali but I was visiting family in Detroit. She thought I overreacted by saying "I'm mad at you. I've been in bed for 1.5 hours and you hadn't called me on Christmas. Couldn't you have spared 5 minutes earlier in the day?" "I was with family." "I went to bed on Christmas without my girlfriend of 6 months having returned my call, and when you did, you were too tired to even talk to me." Sorry, hijacking threads. Bad time of year for me. Point is, you aren't in a relationship yet, so I'd keep your disappointment under wraps. Even if she cancels last minute, I wouldn't write her off. However, if she doesn't contact you at all, tell her "this ship has sailed." Edited December 25, 2007 by oppath
Author Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Well, I called last, so if she doesn't call we won't be speaking again. Damn... almost made it to a third date I can't figure out why I'm having such a difficult time in my area. Well, besides maybe I'm a hideous dork? After a while you really start to wonder what exactly it is people are looking for. I'm no Romeo, but I don't exactly morph into someone else after the first meeting...
D-Lish Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Well, no matter how busy someone is, it only takes a second to text. It never matters how busy I am- if I like someone, I will respond. I don't want to bring you down. Just ask yourself the same question. If you were interested ~ wouldn't you take the time to text back? The ball is in her court- just wait it out. No more texting her, wait for her to come to you. yes, we get busy... but all it takes is pressing "respond" and sending a quick "hi".
Author Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Just ask yourself the same question. If you were interested ~ wouldn't you take the time to text back? Trust me, I'm completely with you on this. I was just trying to convince myself that I was overreacting... to no avail.
D-Lish Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Trust me, I'm completely with you on this. I was just trying to convince myself that I was overreacting... to no avail. I don't think it's a blow off.... but perhaps a game strategy. We are conditioned to play games in this dating era. Just wait it out and see what happens... but dont' contact her again. I pm'd you back. ;-)
Star Gazer Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Do you know where she is? Does she perhaps not have cell service/reception? I only ask this because when my BF goes to see his family, he can only call me from the land line because he has no signal up at the house, only down the mountain in town. Your part of the country and state might cause the same problem? Being optimistic here. I understand your concerns about being blown off, particularly in light of your recent experiences. But it IS the holiday. Not everyone is like us, home alone. Plenty of people get wrapped up in family and holiday things and don't want to be rude to excuse themselves from their family to go make a call (and even a text) to a dude they barely know...make sense? Also, did you have FIRM plans for tomorrow? Did she realize it was Christmas Day she was referring to?
Author Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Also, did you have FIRM plans for tomorrow? Did she realize it was Christmas Day she was referring to? She got tix to a basketball game and invited me... tomorrow. Very firm. I know, Star, I'm really trying to ride the fence on this but it's getting tough. And yes... she has reception.
Star Gazer Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Well then, on the other hand, given how firm-firm the plans are, why would you two NEED to chat in between dates? This has always caused me a bit of confusion, particularly when plans are set for the next date before the end of the first date...know what I mean?
Author Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Therein lies the confusion. She said she would call Saturday and didn't. Didn't answer my call from today. Based on her views on the respect of returning calls and calling when you say you will, I am coming to the above conclusions.
Star Gazer Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 I see. I just don't understand why she would extend the firm invitation and then dis-invite you through silence. I'm fairly certain you'll hear from her tomorrow and accompany her to the game. (Your team sucks, by the way. ) I'd mention her flakiness in returning the contact though...just don't nag.
Trimmer Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 I just don't understand why she would extend the firm invitation and then dis-invite you through silence. I'm fairly certain you'll hear from her tomorrow and accompany her to the game. (Your team sucks, by the way. ) I'd mention her flakiness in returning the contact though...just don't nag. Agreed. Thanks. Heh heh heh... She said "your team sucks" and he said "Agreed." Heh heh, heh heh...
Author Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Heh heh heh... She said "your team sucks" and he said "Agreed." Heh heh, heh heh... It's not "my team" and they do suck . My Pistons are doing just fine.
shockandawed Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Krytie, I definitely wouldn't attempt anymore contact. I think D hit it on the head. I have been dating for some time and have had this similar experience more than once. You have a great couple of dates and then bam, they are gone..no return calls or text, very strange. I have gotten to where I can sense it, so far, right on a couple of occasions. When I am venting at myself trying to decide if they are blowing me off or possibly had something come up, the thought that always hits me the hardest is the realization if the situation was reversed, I would be doing something to respond. I hope she was just busy today with Christmas and you have a great time at the game. If she does in fact blow you off, be glad that somebody upstairs is looking out for you. Better to find out now her character before you started falling for her.
Author Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Thanks for the words shock... that's very much the case here. I have no plans to contact her, that I am certain of. In fact, the call I made this afternoon was my way of convincing myself that I made an honest effort. I won't do that twice.
Author Krytie TV Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Well she called me bright and early today (9:30), and acted as if things were all as they were a few days ago. We firmed up plans and she's coming to pick me up later today. I suppose considering that it's early in the dating process and that she's never given me a reason to distrust what she says or plans she makes I'll just store this in the ole memory bank and see how much of a predictor it is of future actions, and just let it go. I might drop a hint today at some point that I'm someone who likes to have plans finalized at least a day before since my time is valuable and I have to literally schedule my sleeping. Thanks for the ear everyone. Hope your day is all you wanted it to be.
Jilly Bean Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Well she called me bright and early today (9:30), and acted as if things were all as they were a few days ago. We firmed up plans and she's coming to pick me up later today. I suppose considering that it's early in the dating process and that she's never given me a reason to distrust what she says or plans she makes I'll just store this in the ole memory bank and see how much of a predictor it is of future actions, and just let it go. I might drop a hint today at some point that I'm someone who likes to have plans finalized at least a day before since my time is valuable and I have to literally schedule my sleeping. Thanks for the ear everyone. Hope your day is all you wanted it to be. Please don't take this the wrong way, as I am NOT making light of your earlier worry. But, as a women who has certainly done her share of sweating over guys calling and what not, it's oddly comforting to know you boys stress it just as much. I'm glad it worked out well for you!
Racquel Colette Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 I would definitely not bring up the needing to finalize plans thing. Don't nag at her already. She did nothing wrong.
D-Lish Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 wow....that's great. I agree with Jilly that it's comforting in a way to know guys can stress too. Maybe she was on the other end stressing too- trying not to come across so eager. lol. That's great- as I said last night- she had better contact u first thing this morning in order for it to be the okay way for her to go about things. I really hope you have fun.
shockandawed Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Oh yes, stressing over being blown off is not gender specific... Krytie, glad to hear it..please update on the date and game.
Author Krytie TV Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 Glad I could help you out, ladies The game was good... we won. She's fun to go to a game with, she really got into it. Overall, excellent date. We definitely moved a step beyond where we were before. After the game we can to my place and cuddled up and watched Shaun of the Dead, as she had never seen it. Unique and excellent. Thanks for all the input everyone. That's one time the gut instinct was wrong. I must have just been expecting the worst based on my most recent history.
LoveLace Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Well I don't blame you for sweating Krytie. I think anyone would over someone they really like. I wouldn't say anything yet at this point, about how you like to finalize plans...play it by ear for now, if you start dating more regularly then it'd seem more appropriate to discuss that sort of thing. YAY 4 U
Sweetcheripie Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Sounds like an awesome date! Glad you had fun. I bet she really did get caught up in some family stuff but she did call so I wouldn't bring it up unless it happens again. This time of year seems to intensify all emotions - You handled it great!!!
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