I don't think he got me a gift :(

[shadowplay]

Update.

 

I really dodged a bullet. Things went well. He's actually fast asleep next to me right now.

 

He didn't mention anything about last night when he got to my place. He was surprisingly sweet, and it made me feel guilty for having been so hard on him. I apologized, and he said, "It's ok, I'm sorry too." He said he was "grumpy and tired" last night. He told me he had two gifts for me (I'm guessing he bought another today). I asked him if he wanted me to wait until his birthday when I give him his gift, but he told me to open them now. I was just about to when he fell asleep on my shoulder as we watched an episode of Dexter. I led him into the bedroom and tucked him in.

 

What D-Lish said about being in the comfort of another's arms is right. Things are so much better when you're physically with someone. All of those worries somehow evaporate. It's like you can actually feel their love, while over im or the phone you're just clinging to disembodied words.

 

It seems like most of our relationship is really good, then suddenly I'll create a problem out of thin air, and it will culminate into a crisis that eventually blows over. I know that if I keep it up he'll reach his limit. This time I had some legitimate concerns, but the way I addressed them was totally wrong.

 

I should just be thankful that I have someone I care about who cares about me. I don't need constant reminders or tokens of his affection. That's my own insecurity getting the best of me.

 

Thanks for the advice everyone. I really appreciated all the time people put into helping me.

Edited December 26, 2007 by shadowplay

[shadowplay]

You should do it! I also worked for my college paper (largest college daily in the nation - entirely student run) Grad school is nice, but you can go ahead and get a job stringing in the meantime. Maybe try and indy paper - you would do well with your own column.

 

I realize is really OT, but how do you get a job stringing? I have some writing samples but they're all pretty old since I haven't written for a publication in a long time.

[shadowplay]

And, yes, he was probably way too easy on me. I'll do my best to make it up to him in the future.

Edited December 26, 2007 by shadowplay

[D-Lish]

Shadow.

 

:-)

 

I knew things would change when proximity came into play.

 

Over-react???? Why do you/we do it? Because we are a bit crazy, often a smidgen insecure.... and always women. It just happens. We love someone and when they are away from us we imagine what life is like when they don't love us.

[D-Lish]

Do you feel better?

 

I hated x-mas...it's such a romactic inspired holiday- and I haven't had a bf at x-mas since my ex-husband 5 years ago.

 

You know what? I am glad you feel better. I followed your whole post- and I understood everything beginning to end. Even the f*cked up ****.

Only because I am a sensitive soul with an over reactive side.

 

LOL. You did over react----- see that now?

he loves ya. I saw your pics, you're beautiful too...

Enjoy what you have, and have more confidence in yourself.

You have smart covered... you have hot covered....

ok- emotions and being a girl take more time to perfect.

 

Enjoy the holidays pretty girl-

and the gift means nothing....we know that now right?

xo

Dee

[polywog]

Don't be too hard on yourself, shadow. Christmas is just so loaded with expectations and we all get vulnerable, god knows I do.

 

Anyway, I love happy endings:love:

[Kamille]

I'm glad things worked out sp and sorry if my comment was harsh. I've been part of the 'SP's boyfriend really loves her and is really trying his best' for a long time.

 

Maybe next time you start focusing on something like this, the best thing to do would be to wait it out until you two are together again before bringing it up. It seems to me you do what I used to do: you focus on something, have the courage to talk to him about it, but then you fail to listen to his answers and instead try to prove that your feelings are right no matter what, often by shifting the grounds for your disatisfaction.

 

As to the gifts, I don't think it matters when he bought them or even what he got you. He got you gifts and more then likely always had the intention of doing so. This was your original fear.

 

Anyways, I'm glad things worked out and I think you both deserve to spend some very mery holidays.

[shockandawed]

Shadow,

 

I am so happy for you that things worked out. Reading the IM that night as an observer, it was so apparent he loves you.

 

I tend to dwell on silly stuff and let my insecurities sometimes get the best of me as well. Next time you start to feel this way, just remember the impressions all of us "non-involved" people have noticed....You're smart, you're hot and you have a guy totally into you.

 

Merry Christmas Shadow!!

[shadowplay]

Sorry to have abandoned my own thread. I was with my bf pretty continuously and didn't have much opportunity to write. Thanks for the support and kind words. Happy Holidays!

 

Things have continued to be fine. I opened my gifts. No box of chocolates (which was kind of a relief), but a pretty scarf and shawl. He told me that when we spoke over im he hadn't gotten me a gift yet but was definitely planning to...he was just undecided on what. I believe him as he also got his friends gifts, and I doubt he would have left me out. I wore the scarf when we went out to let him know how appreciative I was.

 

The only kink was when he checked his email last night. I was sitting next to him and noticed the two unread messages I had sent him on Christmas Eve at the top of his inbox. I asked him if he could delete the emails because they were embarrassing. He agreed to, but then later asked me if the emails were angry. I told him that they were "sad," not angry. I was mainly concerned about him reading the part of the first email where I said I couldn't stop crying -- he's never seen me cry. I told him to look at the emails if he wanted. He read them, kissed me and said he was sorry he had made me "shed tears." I thought that was pretty sweet.

 

That's all the news that's fit to print. We had a relaxing time together, saw a play and a few movies, hung out with some friends. He's no less affectionate than usual, if anything moreso.

 

I've learned my lesson...I hope.

Edited December 28, 2007 by shadowplay

[Always Wrong]

That makes me very warm and fuzz feeling. I am so happy for you. Have a great new year!

[MJTig]

 

I'm not sure why I'm so hung up on this gift thing, but I think it's because I put so much effort into planning one for him and it's obvious he barely bothered for me.

 

 

let me first say that i have not read the whole thread. (okay now I just read the last post)

 

but up to this point you remind me of me a few years ago- i let my emotions go nuts and then trip over myself trying to do damage control and only muddying the waters more. i would reanalyze every little word he said and all the punctuation marks, and only make myself go crazy.

 

My DH is very logical and has helped me calm down, plus some maturity, and I am much better for it. Your guy sounded like he was doing his best and actually very sweet and sincere and you kept poking at it. That will annoy/frustrate anyone.

 

i also had a subconscious tendency to do things for my partner only wanting the reaction or to see that he thought of me and did the same thing. It's part of being a people pleaser. You go way beyond the boundaries and then get angry when he does something within those boundaries. part of being insecure.

 

It can get better and you can make this better- by stopping emailing him and calling him to say you are not apologizing for your feelings but for the way you handled/expressed them.

 

Then work on how you react and expectations.

 

--

 

glad it worked out, you have a great guy with patience (like my DH has)... but don't let this situation be forgotten and do this to yourself again. Learn how to calm yourself down and think rationally.

Edited December 28, 2007 by MJTig