My boyfriend and I opened xmas presents...

[Lauriebell82]

So this is the results of my other thread regarding my boyfriend and what he was going to get me for Christmas. He ended up getting me what I thought: a jewelry box and perfume. They are both wonderful gifts and I'm very happy with both of them. The jewelry box has a heart shaped opening where you can put a picture on top, and he put a picture of us in there when he gave it to me. It was very sweet!

 

As for the expectation of a ring (engagement, birthstone, ect) he told me he was real torn between getting me a birthstone ring and my jewelry box and perfume but he decided that when he bought a ring it would mean that he was asking me to marry him. And that will come one day soon I'm sure. Truthfully I am a tad disapointed, like Cobra said he was probably just trying to get my taste in jewelry so he could really "pop the question" when I least expected it. Which is fine for now. We had a nice talk last night and he told me the he didn't know what he would do without me and that he is never going to let me go. So that's enough for right now. I guess I don't need a birthstone/promise ring to show he is committed to me..not sure why I did. Any ideas?

[Legend]

So you created a new thread so we could hear again how much of a spoiled brat you are?

[Lauriebell82]

So you created a new thread so we could hear again how much of a spoiled brat you are?

 

Excuse me? I don't know how any of that makes me a spoiled brat! I told everyone what he got me. And I LOVE the gifts. Stop with the insults please.

[Sweetcheripie]

What did you get him? Was he thrilled?

 

I'm sorry you are feeling disappointed about not getting a ring. You do sound like you are trying to be grateful and overlook your disappointment.

 

It sounds like he is being very honest and just not ready to propose yet. That is good!

 

At least the waiting and wondering is over! Enjoy your holiday!

[Lauriebell82]

Oh, just to add before anyone else starts calling me names..I'm actually glad he got me what I thought. The jewelry box is absolutely beautiful and the picture of us makes it very special to me. The ring isn't important, it will be a wonderful suprise when he does give it to me.

[Lauriebell82]

What did you get him? Was he thrilled?

 

I'm sorry you are feeling disappointed about not getting a ring. You do sound like you are trying to be grateful and overlook your disappointment.

 

It sounds like he is being very honest and just not ready to propose yet. That is good!

 

At least the waiting and wondering is over! Enjoy your holiday!

 

I got him cologne, Batman: The Animated Series dvds, and a gift card to Macy's. And he loved them all! So I'm so excited he likes my gifts. I'm glad he was honest with me, it just shows what a great boyfriend he is. And I honestly would never want him to get me anything that he wasn't ready to get me or didn't really want me to have. I'm so happy with my presents, just even being with him for Christmas is awesome (I didn't get to be with him last year).

[Nemo]

So you created a new thread so we could hear again how much of a spoiled brat you are?

It's the first time around for me.

 

Everyone has insecurities - to some degree. You just have to do your very best to manage them. Words and rings are not of the same substance as actions. See the actions, see the mettle.

[Sweetcheripie]

That sounds great! Glad you both got to spend the time with each other and I'm sure there will be many wonderful Christmas' in your future!

[Nemo]

That sounds great! Glad you both got to spend the time with each other and I'm sure there will be many wonderful Christmas' in your future!

I want to put your avatar in my mouth, and suck every last drop of juice out of it.

[Lauriebell82]

I want to put your avatar in my mouth, and suck every last drop of juice out of it.

 

Woah, what's going on in my thread...

[EYECANDY000]

Sounds like excellent presents!

[Star Gazer]

To answer your question, LB, you wanted the ring because you're still insecure in your relationship. Once you get the ring, you'll be insecure about why the wedding date isn't sooner. You'll want the ceremony to show his true commitment. Once you're married, you'll be insecure about what's taking him so long to want to have a baby. You'll want him to be a father before you'll be sure of his commitment. And on, and on, and on.

 

I'm not living your relationship, only you are...so I can't tell you why you're insecure here...but I can recall this insecurity from the time you joined LS. You've never let up. Something is going on in your head that you need to fix.

 

I'm sure if things keep going well with my BF, I'll find myself in your same exact shoes someday...so I'd like to see you figure this out and resolve it so I can kinda follow in your footsteps.

[Ms. Red]

To answer your question, LB, you wanted the ring because you're still insecure in your relationship. Once you get the ring, you'll be insecure about why the wedding date isn't sooner. You'll want the ceremony to show his true commitment. Once you're married, you'll be insecure about what's taking him so long to want to have a baby. You'll want him to be a father before you'll be sure of his commitment. And on, and on, and on.

 

I'm not living your relationship, only you are...so I can't tell you why you're insecure here...but I can recall this insecurity from the time you joined LS. You've never let up. Something is going on in your head that you need to fix.

 

I'm sure if things keep going well with my BF, I'll find myself in your same exact shoes someday...so I'd like to see you figure this out and resolve it so I can kinda follow in your footsteps.

 

 

Now THAT was a good reply!

 

I was ready to say something different. But, IDK your posting history.

[Legend]

To answer your question, LB, you wanted the ring because you're still insecure in your relationship. Once you get the ring, you'll be insecure about why the wedding date isn't sooner. You'll want the ceremony to show his true commitment. Once you're married, you'll be insecure about what's taking him so long to want to have a baby. You'll want him to be a father before you'll be sure of his commitment. And on, and on, and on.

 

I'm not living your relationship, only you are...so I can't tell you why you're insecure here...but I can recall this insecurity from the time you joined LS. You've never let up. Something is going on in your head that you need to fix.

 

I'm sure if things keep going well with my BF, I'll find myself in your same exact shoes someday...so I'd like to see you figure this out and resolve it so I can kinda follow in your footsteps.

Bravo Star.... Bravo. Agreed 100%

[lovelorcet]

To answer your question, LB, you wanted the ring because you're still insecure in your relationship. Once you get the ring, you'll be insecure about why the wedding date isn't sooner. You'll want the ceremony to show his true commitment. Once you're married, you'll be insecure about what's taking him so long to want to have a baby. You'll want him to be a father before you'll be sure of his commitment. And on, and on, and on.

 

I'm not living your relationship, only you are...so I can't tell you why you're insecure here...but I can recall this insecurity from the time you joined LS. You've never let up. Something is going on in your head that you need to fix.

 

I'm sure if things keep going well with my BF, I'll find myself in your same exact shoes someday...so I'd like to see you figure this out and resolve it so I can kinda follow in your footsteps.

 

 

SG nailed this one...

[Lauriebell82]

Alright so everyone agrees this is about insecurity it looks like. Yeah, I'm insecure I already knew that. Not saying this to be mean or anything SG but from your posts I'd say you struggle with the same thing. I think anyone can get a little insecure about a relationship, especially if you have the love of your life to lose.

 

I've had some real bad relationships that have left me with insecurities. Deep down I know I don't need a ring from him to show his committment, it's just that over the past year and a half my boyfriend HAS done some things to make me feel insecure. We had a really huge fight the other night that left us both very upset but afterward we had this really awesome talk.

 

I think what contributes to my insecurity is that my boyfriend says things he doesn't mean when we fight which leaves me questioning whether or not he really is committed to me and our relationship..then when we make up he says he hadn't meant them and he was just angry. Then he goes into the whole "I don't know what I'd do without you, I'll never let you go, ever." type of a speel. They aren't really horrible mean things, but for me they don't improve my insecurity. So that leaves me with the question of whether or not he meant them. I've told him that I need him to stop doing that and he says he will, but then doesn't. I told him after our huge fight that I need him to try not to say things that he doesn't mean in the heat of the moment and he said he would. So that is the reason why I am having trouble getting over my insecurity I guess.

[ElvenPriestess]

Alright so everyone agrees this is about insecurity it looks like. Yeah, I'm insecure I already knew that. Not saying this to be mean or anything SG but from your posts I'd say you struggle with the same thing. I think anyone can get a little insecure about a relationship, especially if you have the love of your life to lose.

 

I've had some real bad relationships that have left me with insecurities. Deep down I know I don't need a ring from him to show his committment, it's just that over the past year and a half my boyfriend HAS done some things to make me feel insecure. We had a really huge fight the other night that left us both very upset but afterward we had this really awesome talk.

 

I think what contributes to my insecurity is that my boyfriend says things he doesn't mean when we fight which leaves me questioning whether or not he really is committed to me and our relationship..then when we make up he says he hadn't meant them and he was just angry. Then he goes into the whole "I don't know what I'd do without you, I'll never let you go, ever." type of a speel. They aren't really horrible mean things, but for me they don't improve my insecurity. So that leaves me with the question of whether or not he meant them. I've told him that I need him to stop doing that and he says he will, but then doesn't. I told him after our huge fight that I need him to try not to say things that he doesn't mean in the heat of the moment and he said he would. So that is the reason why I am having trouble getting over my insecurity I guess.

 

We could do a whole new thread on this topic. But truly, I don't think he means them. We all say horrible things out of anger, usually to make the person were mad at as hurt as we are. The fact that he can't control certain things that cut you deep is something to be worked on. But try and remember that they are fights, and his true feelings for you are masked by anger. Sounds like you two had a great Christmas btw:-)

[Star Gazer]

Alright so everyone agrees this is about insecurity it looks like. Yeah, I'm insecure I already knew that. Not saying this to be mean or anything SG but from your posts I'd say you struggle with the same thing. I think anyone can get a little insecure about a relationship, especially if you have the love of your life to lose.

 

How LAME to point at me LB to defend yourself...although I'm not surprised you did that, seems typical. Stop pointing fingers! ALL of the posters immediately after me agreed with me, LB. I'm right here, and you know it. Perhaps it's just easier for me to pick out.

 

Besides, didn't I acknowledge that I have insecurities as well? Certainly I have some concerns about the strength of my relationship, but in all honesty, if I were in your shoes with my BF saying the things he does (that he WILL marry me someday, that he's NEVER going to let me go, etc.), I'd be coasting and just enjoying the ride. You're not. You're stressing out so much that you're not enjoying your relationship. Assuming one day you do get married to this guy, 20 years from now you're going to look back and regret not allowing yourself to enjoy this time.

 

over the past year and a half my boyfriend HAS done some things to make me feel insecure. We had a really huge fight the other night that left us both very upset but afterward we had this really awesome talk.

 

What was the fight about? You two seem to fight a lot...

 

Keep in mind that your BF doesn't MAKE you feel anything. Neither do your past experiences. You can't control other people's actions, but you can control your reaction to them...and that includes being insecure.

 

And surely you weren't having "huge fights" at the very beginning of your relationship, yet you were just as insecure then...

[Jilly Bean]

LB, I don't know enough about your history to know if you guys fight alot, and granted you have insecurities, as everyone does. I think it's more exhausting and concerning that there are 3 or 4 "critical" dramas for you per week, and that you spend SO much time analyzing his behavior and what it all means. And everytime it seems to be pointless, once the issue is concluded and you are off to find your next mini-drama. Doesn't this pattern seem damaging to you? It's like being the girl who cried wolf. I'm still relatively new here, and already I have learned that your postings are not really anything that commands real thought or advice, because it is just you bitching about some manifested slight or imagined drama. Now, if I am burned out from a month of reading about this, I have to think you are burned out from LIVING it. Or no? WDYT?

[ElvenPriestess]

Gotta go with JB on this, alot of things you've talked about are more what you're worried from things in your head, and really, be thankful for what you have. Don't over analyze things too much.

[Lauriebell82]

Sorry for pointing fingers SG..honestly I wasn't trying to. I was just trying to point out that I think everyone gets insecure sometimes. Anyway, we really don't fight a lot. The fight was actually about something incredibly stupid..the tv. I wanted to watch The Wizard of Oz while my bf and his friend talked about their guy stuff, and my bf got pissed off and wanted me to change it to something we all could watch. So anyway it just kind of spiraled out of control from there. He threw a lot of stuff back in my face which pissed me off and we just got in a big fight over it. He said he was sorry for flipping out over nothing and thats when he started telling me that he doesn't want to be without me and will never let me go.

 

It was the stuff he said during the fight that freaked me out a little. He said he didn't mean it and we are fine again and having a wonderful Christmas together. It's been so great being with him. So anyway, you are right also that I tend to overreact and analyze things my boyfriend does. Which I am going to try to cut down on.

 

As for what Jillybean said, we don't have that many real issues right now, mostly it is just the drama over the marriage stuff and his very odd behavior for the past month (which is probably all in my head). I thought it might mean something and was trying to get outsiders opinions on the whole thing. But I'm going to try to cut down on the analyzing and enjoy my relationship. I do tend to worry about my relationship too much, but I can't help it because I love the guy so very much. The thought of possibly losing him makes me crazy and miserable. He said the exact same thing after our fight so SG is right that that should put my mind at ease. And it does.

 

I suppose this is all in head..if only I could get it all out!

[Star Gazer]

Fights over "stupid stuff" are symptomatic of much bigger issues.

 

What did he say during this fight that was so terrible?

[Lauriebell82]

Fights over "stupid stuff" are symptomatic of much bigger issues.

 

What did he say during this fight that was so terrible?

 

Well, at his friend's house when his freind went upstairs he lectured me about how I made them watch The Wizard of Oz and how rude it was or whatever. He said I acted like a spoiled brat (which you can tell I hate being called that) and that because he treats me like a princess that he is contributing to it or something like that. When we fight he likes to throw back all the things that he pays for me (like taking me out to dinner, buying expensive gifts) which is what is the most hurtful which I have told him over and over again. But when we get along he says how much he loves treating me to things and loves to do nice things for me. And I said that I contribute to our relationship by trying to do other things for him besides pay for dates like do the dishes, help him keep his apartment clean, buy little things for him when I can. So he got my point there, and he calmed down and worked things out.

 

What I really hate is that when he is pissed he likes to call me names, like being a brat, and being a bitch and stuff. I never call him names when we fight because I know it's hurtful. I like to fight fair, and I told him that. He said he would try harder.

[Star Gazer]

Okay. Well, how would you like him to express to you that you're behaving like a spoiled brat (if that's what he thinks at the moment) without using the words "spoiled brat"?

[Legend]

hmmmmmmmm sounds an awful lot like what I was saying......