Jmina Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 (edited) Usually when we are having trouble letting go it is because we dont know how. It is fine for people to suggest letting go, i mean if we knew how to then im sure we would!!! duh! first off to let go you have to be willing to let go. if we truly are willing then the rest will take care of itself. maybe deep down you reallly dont want to let them go? this is probably the reason why you havnt yet. you simply dont want to let your love go even if it has been a long time. why dont you want to let them go? you might be afraid because then they really would be gone. you might be afraid that youll be alone, that you have to re create yourself, you might be afraid for many different reasons. Or you might not be afraid it might be something else. ask your self 'am i willing to let go'? be honest if yes then great if not then find out why you arent willing maybe your still early in your healing and this stage is too far down the track, you still have more hurt to let out, more questions to try and ask all the things that we go through or maybe its another reason. why dont you want to let go? another thing is that we feel that if we let them go that means we have to stop loving them. well the good thing is that no you dont have to stop! you can always love your ex! the tricky part is seperating the attatchment from the love! it is wonderful that you can love your ex and that you still have an open heart. lovely. you can let your ex go and love them still. once you have your answer let it sink in. become familiar with this new found awarness. its a good step to get to. it gets the ball rolling. if your answer is because of fear or actually if your answer is ANYTHING that doesnt benefit you in the end then you need to get rid of what is causing it. the cause of not wanting to let go - your ego another LS user has made me aware of this which i am very thankful for. since then i have read about it and become very familiar with it. your ego is something that sits on your shoulder and feeds you bad thoughts such as fear, anger, helplessness, anything that makes you feel like you are out of control and tries to bring you down. ever felt like that? like you have no control? this is from your ego. your ego has no truth in it whatsoever! it is like some bastard sitting next to you just trying to bring you down and make you doubt yourself or your feelings. your ego is false. there is no truth in it. the good thing is you can brush it off your shoulder because the future does not hold what your ego is telling you if you choose not to listen to it. brush it off, let it go, ignore it. it is not true. if you dont have to be afraid then wouldnt it be great to just wipe it off your list? done! again your ego is not telling you the truth. personally in my healing i was afraid to let my ex go because of fear. i feared i would never see her again, i feared to re create myself, i feared that she was gone forever. my ego was feeding me these fears. well the fact is there is more chance of becoming friends etc if i let her go. she wont come back into my life if i have not let her go. i dont need to fear. oh! i dont need to fear! its like somebody saying 'be afraid! be very afraid!' and me obeying it! i found comfort in the fact that we are on different paths now, and that she has gone for a good reason and i am on the path for a good reason. everything is exactly how it is meant to be right now. it is all good. for better or for worse this is the plan it is all good. dont be afraid. once you get a hold of your ego you can get back to letting them go if you dont have what ever was blocking you in the way anymore you can take the next step. it is now easier to be willing to let go. next. controlling your thoughts. if you are sick and tired of thinking about your ex. and i dont mean weeks of it, if your only up to that stage come back in 6 or more months! if it has been more than 6 months it might be nice to start getting some control back. it is important that you recognise that you still need to be feeling. dont block your thoughts out in an attempt to let them go. always recognise how you feel! always write it out or talk it out. hense the word - out it means that your thoughts and feelings are then free from your mind and OUT of your head onto paper. finally your head is free for some direction! geting some control! making this process a reality. the start of letting go. basically what i have found to work is this. when you are living your day to day life and experiencing normal activies, going through normal interactions, conversations etc only allow thoughts of your ex to be passing. NO MORE THAN PASSING is what brings us down again. instead of wondering what they are doing, disconnect them from your life by visualising them happy and walking away maybe on a beach somewhere you know would bring them happiness while you see this image let it become smaller and smaller until it is gone now see yourself happy and in a place that would bring you joy and excitment, something you want to aim for or achieve. let this image over ride the old one of your ex. you can do this visualisation day to day. it will help you think of yourself and where you are going instead of trying to connect with your ex mentally. this is basically a great way to let go of your ex. the above visualisation will help with anger and forgiving also because it brings compassion into your heart for your ex and for yourself. you might find it hard or not, however it will become easier. at the end of the day if you feel hurt, or sad or angry it is important to LET IT OUT. this is the acknowledging of feelings. write it out, talk it out just get it OUT of your head and onto paper or into the atmosphere. then continue again on YOUR life without more of a passing though of your ex. get some control back and make this about you. recognise your ego and brush it away. to heck with it! keep your heart open, love your ex from afar and then let it go, and continue with your thoughts that are seperate from your ex. goodluck, take care. find your control and create yourself. Jmina p.s. ah and yes merry christmas. keep those thoughts about you not them! xxx Edited December 24, 2007 by Jmina
GlamourBabe Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Thank you for this Jmina, when I read this I was proud to realise that I do want to let go now. Thats progress for me. Thanks xxx
brothermartin Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Sounds like some very good advice JMINA. The anger part is what I'm struggling with now. And constantly thinking about her. She left me in September, she took away my feeling of self-worth and I feel she owes me an apology for that. I know she dosent and won't apologize, so how do I rid myself of this feeling? I want to tell her how much she hurt me and how much Im struggling with this pain and anger and dis-trust she left me with and demand that she recognize this and apologize for it and beg for my forgiveness. And I want her to see how much I really loved her and tried to make her happy but she wouldnt see that and acknowledge my efforts for trying and how unfair it was of her to just dump me for the reason she did. I hate her for what she did to me, but I love her because,....I love her. I dont want to feel this anymore. Please help.
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