bf and christmas presents

[lexi29]

Would anyone be upset if their bf or gf didn't get them a nice christmas present? Or I should say by nice that doesn't have to mean expensive but just that they put thought into it as in getting you something that you would want or could use.

 

my bf and I have been together 3 yrs (we recently broke up and got back together) last christmas he gave me a $200 bracelet from Kays. It was very nice. THe year before he bought me a cute ring and some dvds I liked. This year when we were talking about christmas and what we were buying for people he kept pointing out all these expensive things that he'd like to have. I ended up buying him a pair of coveralls that cost about $100 (he works outside in cold weather and his current pair are in shreds so he REALLY needs them) and some other little things. spent about $150 on him. Well he has a son that he has custody of so he is "santa" for his son. His son wants all these expensive things. My bf never saves any money so he had to use his $250 christmas bonus to go shopping. He bought his son a Playstation (his son wanted XBOX 360 but he couldn't afford it) and two pairs of jeans and two shirts and a pair of shoes and some stuff for his stocking. He had $60 left over and told me thats all he had to buy me something with.

 

This bothered me because I had spent much more $ on his presents but at the same time once he wrapped up his son's stuff I felt bad because there weren't many presents under the tree. I ended up giving my bf two things I"d bought his son (shirts and a toy) so he could put HIS name on them since he couldn't afford to buy him stuff. Also he didn't get him any games for his Playstation and there would be nothing worse than an 8yr old opening that up and not having any games to play on Christmas morning (according to the 8 yr old) so I went and bought him 3 video games as well.

 

Now I don't think of myself as a selfish or materialistic person but I do alot for my bf and his son. I told my bf that I would be happy if he bought me a nice card and wrote me a letter telling me why he loves me (or something sweet like that) and that is the truth- I would be estatic with that instead of a gift. I almost want to take his gift back (the big one) so he doesn't feel bad but he really needs it so I will probably give it to him.

Well he told me that he went to Wal-Mart and got my gift and that he got his son a video game that cost $30. So basically all he had left to spend on my gift was $30. I'm a little irritated by this because #1 he knew I got his son more things and I even gave him stuff that I bought for him to give his son (as if he bought it for him) and I would have rather have had a card and something nice written it it than some $30 gift from Wal-mart.

 

Also he took me out to eat this weekend and spent $30 or so and instead of us going out to eat (he was the one who wanted to go out for dinner) he could have used that money to buy either me or his son christmas presents. He also bought me flowers this weekend (which was sweet) but he could have saved that as well to buy xmas presents. I shouldn't feel bad I guess because he is only giving his parents a picture that I took of him and his son (it looks professionally done) in a $2 picture frame and they do TONS of stuff for him like watch his son every day.

 

I come from a family that goes crazy with presents at christmas so I guess I am spoiled. Not that I expect that from him. I would rather be with family and friends and just have their company than gifts but with my bf I guess it seems like if he doesn't put effort or money (as in saving ahead of time) into a gift then to me its a reflection on our relationship. I know this whole post probably makes me sound incredibly shallow and I'm not considered that way by people who know me normally- for ex. my sister is having financial problems right now and I told her NOT to buy me anything for christmas. Also my birthday is Dec 28th and I know my bf can't take me out or do anything for my birthday either (I doubt he'll get me a card)

 

I know my bf and I are totally different people but I have to buy for abotu 18 people and I either save up for a few months or I put it on credit and pay it off within two months. I dont' get a christmas bonus or anything like that. My bf and I make around the same amount of $, have basically the same bills (Mine are slightly higher) and I manage to do all this and he has trouble just having enough $ to buy stuff for his son.

 

I'm not so much upset that I'm not getting a nice gift (and I bought him an expensive thoughtful present he really needs) but that he could have just given me a nice card and written something meaninful and sweet (he's done it before) in it and yet instead he waits to he has gotten everything he wants for his son and then uses whatever money he has left over (under $30) to buy me something. I guess its the thought that counts and to me he didn't put much thought into it. Am I being a selfish b*tch or does anyone else feel this way?

[Star Gazer]

I guess I am spoiled.

 

Yes, you are. You really, really are.

 

1. His son will ALWAYS come first - for time, money, and presents.

 

2. You don't even know what your present is, and you're already complaining about it SIMPLY BECAUSE you know that he didn't spend as much money on you as you did on him. How ungrateful and selfish!

 

3. You specifically told him you want a nice card with a long letter written out. Perhaps along with the $30 gift he did just that? I don't believe you for a second when you say that would be good enough to please you given your admissions of your family going crazy and the gifts he's given you in the past (as though he established a pattern you could rely on).

 

I'm seriously just in awe of all the people looking their gift-horses in the mouth BEFORE they even know what their present is.... *sigh*

[Jilly Bean]

Lexi, sorry, but I couldn't read your whole diatribe. The title and first paragraph was enough for me to get your gist.

 

I truly am astonished at the posting, as you are the second woman on here in a week who is complaining in advance of a potentially crappy gift from their bf. If I were you, I would be embarassed that I think this way, as you are sounding like a spoiled little brat, and this is a purely disgusting attitude.

 

A gift is a gift. It is not for you to calculate and then pre-judge. It is for you to receive graciously and without sour commentary.

 

The best gift I EVER received from a bf, was a follow-up to a date we had. We were poor college students, and he took me to a local mountain top, where we could see the view. While there, he insisted we go 4-leaf clover picking. I thought it was so fun and whimsical. Neither of is did better than a 3-clover that day, however. The next day, he stopped by my apartment, and brought me a 4-leaf clover. He said he went back that morning to continue to search for me.

 

I thought it was the most touching, thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me. Yes, I have received jewelry, furs and once even a car from a bf. But this will always stand out as the BEST gift I ever received. Why? It was unexpected, came from the heart, and the cost was in his efforts and feelings for me, not in the charge card bill.

[shockandawed]

Lexi, sorry, but I couldn't read your whole diatribe. The title and first paragraph was enough for me to get your gist.

 

Jilly, consider yourself lucky, thats five minutes of my life I won't get back.

 

Of course you aren't shallow...that's why you have a long post ranting about what your boyfriend didn't spend on you, the details and costs of last Christmas, along with the costs of presents for his son and his parents. You also are complaining about him buying you flowers and taking you out to dinner?

 

I am just sorry he is wasting $30 on a self centered brat. Take the coveralls back and give him the best present he could possibly get this Christmas, break up for good.

Edited December 24, 2007 by shockandawed

[mistieyed]

i have to agree with the previous posters - this thread is SAD on many accounts. you should be ashamed of yourself for being such a selfish person. your bf put everything into his child AND took you to dinner, gave you flowers, and a gift - but yet you are upset that he didn't put the money he spent for the dinner, flowers, and gift all together for something grand. the fact that he is giving you anything at all, plus thought enough of you to buy flowers and dinner is sweet in itself.

 

you do not give someone a gift in anticipation of one in return, you do it because you want to give them a gift. if money means that much to you, i feel sad for you.

[lexi29]

1. His son will ALWAYS come first - for time, money, and presents.

 

2. You don't even know what your present is, and you're already complaining about it SIMPLY BECAUSE you know that he didn't spend as much money on you as you did on him. How ungrateful and selfish!

 

 

Actually I'm NOT complaining that his son comes first. Its what I expect and how it should be. I even said in my "rant" that he should have NOT bought me flowers and took me out to dinner so he could have saved that money for "Santa" to be able to bring his son more presents. I bought his son several presents and let my boyfriend act like some were from him so he has something to give his son (his son expects presents from Santa and his dad) because he couldn't afford to.

 

I even said I would be happy with a nice card and him writing something sweet in it (a card costs what $3, heck he could even make it I don't care!) the part that bugs me is that #1 he DIDN"T get me a card (he told me this- said he didn't have any money left to get one) so I am NOT getting a card with something sweet written in it. That would be the cheapest most hassel free thing he could possibly get me. and I would have been perfectly happy with it. I love getting cards more than presents. I have about 16 years worth of xmas and birthday cards and I actually keep them in a fire proof safe in my house along with pictures. So if I lose everything in a fire I will still have cards that family friends and loved ones gave me. THOSE are what I consider my valuables.

 

Also when my bf and I were talking about what he'd like for xmas he kept pointing out all these expensive things. he complained that all his parents were gettign him was pots and pans and baking stuff. I know he doesn't have much money to spend on himself so the present I decided to get him was practical and something he needed. I"m more upset that I asked for something simple and of no expense to him and yet he chose to not do something that was special and instead bought me something that cost less than $30 from wal-mart. and yes, even though he bought me jewelry last year for christmas I would have rather had the card with something nice written in it.

 

And for the record the best gift I ever received from a bf was a card he made for my 22nd birthday (he listed 22 reasons he loved me and they were all personal little things that he liked about me or things that we shared.

 

So I'm more upset that he took the lazy way out and put so little time and effort into a gift when I put a lot of thought and $ into his. And if the tables were turned I know he would be unhappy if I only spent $20 on him.

[Star Gazer]

Take the coveralls back and give him the best present he could possibly get this Christmas, break up for good.

 

Agreed.

[shockandawed]

Ignore Lexi...she is a troll.

 

I thought she sounded familiar..two weeks ago she started a posting about how she was starting to date again and wondered if she should be friends with her exes.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138087/

 

 

Here is a direct quote from her on December 7th.

 

Actually, the ex of five years isn't the most recent. I've dated two guys seriously since him and I'm not close with either of them.

 

Hmmmm, two weeks ago you were single and not close to the two guys you have dated seriously in the last 5 years and now you are complaining about a boyfriend of the last three not buying you a bunch of gifts?

 

If you are going to play games, at least change your screen name.

[Star Gazer]

Or I should say by nice that doesn't have to mean expensive but just that they put thought into it as in getting you something that you would want or could use.

 

You have NO IDEA what he got you, and you're already writing a mile-long post to complain about it. Don't you see how RIDICULOUS you're being?

 

You say you "know" he didn't get you what you really wanted (a card) because he told you he didn't have enough money to get you one after buying your present. Why would he go ahead and tell you what he got you for Christmas? And you're still b*tching and moaning because (gasp!) God forbid, he took you our to dinner and bought you flowers.

 

This dude is doing the best he can with what he's been dealt, and all you can do is whine and complain. Amazing.

[lexi29]

i have to agree with the previous posters - this thread is SAD on many accounts. you should be ashamed of yourself for being such a selfish person. your bf put everything into his child AND took you to dinner, gave you flowers, and a gift - but yet you are upset that he didn't put the money he spent for the dinner, flowers, and gift all together for something grand. the fact that he is giving you anything at all, plus thought enough of you to buy flowers and dinner is sweet in itself.

 

you do not give someone a gift in anticipation of one in return, you do it because you want to give them a gift. if money means that much to you, i feel sad for you.

 

 

Thank you for putting it into perspective. I'm acting like a spoiled brat!!!

[lexi29]

Ignore Lexi...she is a troll.

 

I thought she sounded familiar..two weeks ago she started a posting about how she was starting to date again and wondered if she should be friends with her exes.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138087/

 

 

Here is a direct quote from her on December 7th.

 

Actually, the ex of five years isn't the most recent. I've dated two guys seriously since him and I'm not close with either of them.

 

Hmmmm, two weeks ago you were single and not close to the two guys you have dated seriously in the last 5 years and now you are complaining about a boyfriend of the last three not buying you a bunch of gifts?

 

If you are going to play games, at least change your screen name.

 

 

I'm not a troll maybe do some more research before you accuse me of being one. Bf and I JUST got back together recently. Go check out the break up and 2nd chance forums if you don't believe me. And I even said in THIS thread "We recently broke up and got back together" So maybe you should take the time to actually read the posts you reply to. Have a nice holiday.

[Legend]

Yes, you are. You really, really are.

 

1. His son will ALWAYS come first - for time, money, and presents.

 

2. You don't even know what your present is, and you're already complaining about it SIMPLY BECAUSE you know that he didn't spend as much money on you as you did on him. How ungrateful and selfish!

 

3. You specifically told him you want a nice card with a long letter written out. Perhaps along with the $30 gift he did just that? I don't believe you for a second when you say that would be good enough to please you given your admissions of your family going crazy and the gifts he's given you in the past (as though he established a pattern you could rely on).

 

I'm seriously just in awe of all the people looking their gift-horses in the mouth BEFORE they even know what their present is.... *sigh*

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Krytie TV]

OP, you're the reason I never want anyone to by me anything for Xmas. I would just assume never exchange presents at all, because it only brings stupid issues like this to the surface in some people.

[sderenzi]

Yet another thread that makes me giggle, god damn I really do love this site!

[lexi29]

So I thought I'd update my thread. I had suggested to my bf that he get me a card and write something nice in it (cause he couldn't afford much) and I was (selfishly) upset that he had only about $30 left to spend on a gift for me and I would rather have some thought put into a nice card with something sweet written in it. Well he got me a card and just wrote "love" and his name and his son's name in it. It was kind of an odd card to get from a bf- it had a hot guy on the front of it with no shirt on and the inside said "it was either this or one with a cute kitten- do I know you or what!" Sort of a card that a female friend would give you. And actually I would have preferred a card with a cute kitten as I love cats. He also gave me a $25 gift card for Red Lobster which is a restaurant I might eat at once a year.

 

I thanked him and everything and I just gave him one gift- a cd I had made for him with 20 of his favorite songs. He said he liked it. I still had the coveralls (for work) for him but I hid them in a garbage bag at his house. After I left his house i called him adn told him I left a bag of clothes for his niece there and that I thought I'd thrown a pair of my favorite jeans in there by mistake and could he please go look and see if he could find my jeans. Well he looked in the bag and found his gift and was so excited! it made me feel really good. But later he told me "when I thought all you got me was that cd I was really disapointed but now you made my day. So he did EXPECT me to get him a much better gift than he was able to get me.

[Art_Critic]

Lexi..

 

That was a very selfish act that you should be ashamed of committing...

 

Because he couldn't afford to give you the gift you wanted you never gave him the gift you wanted to give him.. ( which by the way.. he couldn't afford because of his child.. it's not like he was buying drugs with his Christmas bonus )

 

Instead you took the EVEN cheaper route and just made a CD.. even though it was thoughtful but only if you don't know about the previous few days and the fact that you never gave him his gift because of your selfishness.

 

I'm not normally one to pile on someone on LS for stupidity or the like but I couldn't keep quiet on this one..

You took the cake..

 

Something tells me that I see a breakup in your future if you don't change your ways, This type of attitude most likely spills out in other areas of the relationship.

[curiousnycgirl]

Why are you playing these games?! If you bought a gift for him, which you intended to give him, why hide it?!

 

OK so you knew he spent less on you, so what?! My b/f has been unemployed for 3 years, and has been building his own business. To say the least money is tight. I pay for almost all our extras, which includes visiting his son across country, all gifts for his family - everything!

 

I do this because we are a couple, and because I love him. You clearly do not love this guy if you are keeping a tally of who spent what, etc.

 

Move on.

[Nevermind]

lexi:

 

Your boyfriend spend most of his money on his son. It is christmas time and since he doesn't read loveshack he takes you for a reasonable person. He assumes you'll understand that on christmas his son comes first. He wanted to make that clear by treating you extra nice before christmas, buying flowers and inviting you to dinner, so you wouldn't read something into it. He was honest about his present for you.

 

You turned all he did into a rant about how the little princess didn't get the flying pony. You are behaving like a spoiled child. A nasty spoiled child.

You made him a cd (how much did that cost you? you had the prices for every other item ready at hand). How nice, and thoughtful, if you hadn't done it to punish him. You wanted to see what you get before you gave him his present. And this one you gave in a garbage bag. How appropriate from you!

 

Prices! Numbers! That is all you have been talking about. The card? Even that one got a price! I am sure you don't realize that now, but this thread screams MONEY MONEY MONEY. I don't read love in here, or understanding.

 

It is a very sad story. But at least it made me realize how spoiled I acted myself when I was sad about not getting anything for christmas. So thank you, I guess.

[serial muse]

Wait, you guys - she said she did give it to him. Reread it - she gave him the coveralls, and he was very happy about it. Happier than he was with the CD.

 

I don't know, I'm on the fence here - I understand why people are coming down hard on you, lexi, but I gotta say - if my BF gave me a card like that, particularly in a lean year when he knew it was about all he could do for me, I'd be rather hurt too. A naked guy card? Um, no.

 

On the other hand, you guys just recently got back together, so it's not like you can expect it to be how things were last year or the year before.

 

On the other other hand, that he wanted more from you than he initially thought he got certainly says something.

 

All in all, this makes me wonder why you guys got back together? There's a lot of suspicion and it's like you're both wanting the other person to do the hard work of reinstating the relationship. What's going on here?

[lexi29]

Lexi..

 

That was a very selfish act that you should be ashamed of committing...

 

Because he couldn't afford to give you the gift you wanted you never gave him the gift you wanted to give him.. ( which by the way.. he couldn't afford because of his child.. it's not like he was buying drugs with his Christmas bonus )

 

Instead you took the EVEN cheaper route and just made a CD.. even though it was thoughtful but only if you don't know about the previous few days and the fact that you never gave him his gift because of your selfishness.

 

I'm not normally one to pile on someone on LS for stupidity or the like but I couldn't keep quiet on this one..

You took the cake..

 

Something tells me that I see a breakup in your future if you don't change your ways, This type of attitude most likely spills out in other areas of the relationship.

 

 

HELLO! Did anyone even read my post?? I said I gave him the gift (the coveralls for work. I hid them to suprise him!!! I hid them in a bag of clothes I was giving to his neice. I didn't give them to him when I was at his house but waited till I got home and called him and made up a story that I thought I'd left something of my own in the bag of clothes I was giving away and asked him to look in the bag. So he would FIND his other gift (the pair of coveralls) he was very suprised and happy with the way I did that (better than just handing him a big box and he'd know exactly what it was. I really don't understand at all how that is selfish???

 

And then everyone is jumping all over ME when I'm upset he won't #1 just get me a card and write something really sweet in it or #2 he can only afford (because of his own irresponsibility of not saving any money) a small gift. But when I say I gave him a cd (that by the way cost more than $20) I"m called CHEAP??!! That doesn't make any sense to me? Isn't it the thought that counts? And if we are going by that I 'put a lot more thought into having a cd of his fav songs made then he did going and buying me a gift card (which I appreciate) And I mentioned that he said he was disapointed when he thought I only got him a cd (so doesn't that make him just as selfish as everyone is saying I am?) I also bought several presents for his son (for him to give to him as if they were from Santa.

[Art_Critic]

Wait, you guys - she said she did give it to him. Reread it - she gave him the coveralls, and he was very happy about it. Happier than he was with the CD.

 

Lexi.. I'm sorry.. I misread your post... please ignore my previous post ripping you a new one

 

Sorry...I didn't catch the part about hiding it and him finding it...

Edited December 27, 2007 by Art_Critic

[lexi29]

Serial Muse, Thank you for actually reading what I wrote. whew. I totally understand why people were coming down hard on me when I first wrote this thread. yes I was being a spoiled brat. I wasn't upset that he was spending almost all of his money on his son (Christmas is for kids and I would never want his son to go without gifts just so I could have a present. NEVER.) Although, the first year we were dating my bf spent all his money ($100) on my gift and had nothing left for his son so he went to his parents who gave him money to buy his son's presents. When I found out about that I was very upset and ripped him a new one because he should never have done that. So he knows that I agree his son is #1.

 

However I think it is a bigger issue between us- I am responsible and good with my finances and my bf just isn't. While he has gotten about 50% better in the last year and a half (he has rent and his own bills to pay now) he still spends money foolishly and it bothers me (his neighbor's son always comes over and will ask for money and he will say no and the kid just wont' shut up about it. He also asks my bf for money for school stuff and he'll give it to him. So he's spent about $20 just on this kid in the last month and he could have saved this for his own son. Just little things like that. Or he went to McDonalds two days before we went shopping for his son's presents and spent $15 just on his own dinner! So instead of eating out he could have saved that for xmas presents too.

 

Anyway its over and done with and I got to spend time with family and friends and my bf and son on christmas so it was a great day. Presents or no presnts- doesn't matter. As for the card- yeah I thought it was a little strange but at least he bought me one. Some guys dont' even do that. ANd giving him his big gift made me feel really good cause he was just so happy. said it made his night.

[lexi29]

Lexi.. I'm sorry.. I misread your post... please ignore my previous post ripping you a new one

 

Sorry...I didn't catch the part about hiding it and him finding it...

 

 

 

 

Art Critic, Its ok:)

[Art_Critic]

Art Critic, Its ok:)

I hope my post doesn't contribute to more people piling on top of you..

 

I'm glad that it worked out for both of you.. even if you don't eat at Red Lobster a bunch..

The gift card is a reason to eat there now.. or make a girl's day out shopping with a GF and go there for lunch and you buy..

 

The muscle bound guy card thing.. well.... you are just going to have to forget about it.. he picked the wrong card for sure..sometimes you can never figure out what someone was thinking when they do something like that

Edited December 27, 2007 by Art_Critic

[serial muse]

sometimes you can never figure out what someone was thinking when they do something like that

 

This made me laugh because my God, how true that is. People are just so out there sometimes. Part of the fun of Christmas!