GlamourBabe Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Hi Please read my first thread to get a hold of my situation. Its long, but please do read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139018/ I have been reading a lot of posts from Caliguy and I would like to personally thank you for your words. Without them I think I would of been making the same mistakes over and over. Well an update on the ex-boyfriend situation. He bought me and Xmas present and I bought him one. I told him briefly on sat ( 5 minute call) I need to disconnect myself from him now if not he would of carried on talking to me, and sleeping with me e.tc. I have told him before I wanted to do NC, but he would contact me or I would contact him. Its only really been two days NC but I know that he will call tomorrow to say Happy Xmas and thank you for the gift. However, after living on LS for the past week and trudging through Caliguys comments I have no intention of even answering the phone or saying thank you for the gift. I am starting to feel that if someone couldnt support me through a bad time in my life, maybe he wasnt worth it? This is a big step for me to realise. However, all I do is cry and I am feeling pain from the pit of my soul. I miss him very much but I do refuse to idealise someone who has rejected my love. I am booked for an induction on the 28th because I want to start losing weight. I know this will make me feel heaps better. I realise that I havent loved myself for a long time, if EVER. This finding myself process has brought on some very PAINFUL revelations about myself. And that I have very low self esteem and constantly seek approval from others. I hate that I have allowed myself to be this way in the past and it has been damaging to myself in the long run. Least I realise this now.. The ex boyfriend said to me that he doesnt want me to leave him alone" he just doesnt like talking to me "about the heavy stuff". He also said that " he would never ever see me as just a friend" However, he point blank refuses to let me know if there could be a possible new relationship between us in the future. I told him I cant hang around if you dont want to be with me. He replied by saying, he can not give me a definate "yes" or "no" answer as he does not no whether he would want me in the future. This hurts very much, as this tells me , to him " I am not very valuable" and I am worth "risking/losing" When I look within myself and see this. Who in there right mind would call someone who thought this way about them? There are a lot of people on LS that think people who break up with you still love you, they probably do in their own way but not in the way we do, them. If that was the case they wouldnt of broken up with us in the first place. I doubt he is crying himself to sleep every night like I am. I sleep about 3 hours a night and I get panic attacks constantly. I rarely leave the house, only to get groceries and thats it. Funds are low at the moment too, so I dont have all the money in the world required in order to get myself "out there". However, I have put some money aside for the gym and I have an induction on thr 28th. I also go back to my nursing on Jan 7th that I am looking forward too. So I have taken this out of his hands and have decided to cut him off. The hardest thing about NC or "cold turkey" is riding out the storm when you are so low and want to call them to give you the reassurance it will be ok. I suppose this is all part of the disconnecting process. He claims that I am "very special" and that "he loves me and misses me". Bull Crap as far as I am concerned. I am starting to think he is not very bright because he has said things to me in the past that just enlighten me even more about his kind of personality. Things I never saw when I was at the height of love. Selfish behaviour is rife with him at the moment. The last few things he said to me was " There is only room for me in my life at the moment" and also " I am tired of caring about other people" If you read my first post. I should be the one saying these things, not him! I have never had an easy ride, but I dont expect the whole world to owe me anything. Since reading CALIGUYS words I know I will never contact him , especially untill these feelings are gone at least. I have been rejected so much in my life and I need to stop this chain as its destroying me. I am reading a number of self help books at the moment and they are helping quite a lot. I will be spending XMAS day alone, as if you read in my post there are a lot of issues with my family that I just dont want to face on this special day. The first ex boyfriend called yesterday he has a gift for me, and I realised that this man is an idiot. He said to me last night" you dont love me anymore do you ( in a seeking approval kind of way) I replied "no i dont". I mean of course I dont!. You slept with someone else and got her pregnant, and stuck by her!. Geez! I suppose I am just posting on here today because I needed to let out my feelings as all I seem to do is cry, and cry and cry. I am starting to cross the waters of whether I even want this last ex back! Anyone who can just dump me at my worst would need to go through hell and high water to get me back. Its about time I started realising my self worth. Love you all, Glamour Babe
jerbear Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Well an update on the ex-boyfriend situation. He bought me and Xmas present and I bought him one. I told him briefly on sat ( 5 minute call) I need to disconnect myself from him now if not he would of carried on talking to me, and sleeping with me e.tc. I have told him before I wanted to do NC, but he would contact me or I would contact him. Its only really been two days NC but I know that he will call tomorrow to say Happy Xmas and thank you for the gift. However, after living on LS for the past week and trudging through Caliguys comments I have no intention of even answering the phone or saying thank you for the gift. I am starting to feel that if someone couldnt support me through a bad time in my life, maybe he wasnt worth it? This is a big step for me to realise. However, all I do is cry and I am feeling pain from the pit of my soul. I miss him very much but I do refuse to idealise someone who has rejected my love. Don't take his call and just leave him alone, if it feels any better or if you can do it, return the gift if it makes you feel bad. I've regifted or gave away the gifts my ex gave to me... The heartache will go away with time. The realization and being mad is just some of the phases one goes through in a breakup. You're doing fine. The ex boyfriend said to me that he doesnt want me to leave him alone" he just doesnt like talking to me "about the heavy stuff". He also said that " he would never ever see me as just a friend" However, he point blank refuses to let me know if there could be a possible new relationship between us in the future. I told him I cant hang around if you dont want to be with me. He replied by saying, he can not give me a definate "yes" or "no" answer as he does not no whether he would want me in the future. This hurts very much, as this tells me , to him " I am not very valuable" and I am worth "risking/losing" When I look within myself and see this. Who in there right mind would call someone who thought this way about them? There are a lot of people on LS that think people who break up with you still love you, they probably do in their own way but not in the way we do, them. If that was the case they wouldnt of broken up with us in the first place. I doubt he is crying himself to sleep every night like I am. I sleep about 3 hours a night and I get panic attacks constantly. I rarely leave the house, only to get groceries and thats it. Funds are low at the moment too, so I dont have all the money in the world required in order to get myself "out there". However, I have put some money aside for the gym and I have an induction on thr 28th. I also go back to my nursing on Jan 7th that I am looking forward too. what! I think it is time for some friends to intervene and take you out; either kicking or screaming you are leaving the house. The gym is great. Really call some of your closests friends and just go out. So I have taken this out of his hands and have decided to cut him off. The hardest thing about NC or "cold turkey" is riding out the storm when you are so low and want to call them to give you the reassurance it will be ok. I suppose this is all part of the disconnecting process. He claims that I am "very special" and that "he loves me and misses me". Bull Crap as far as I am concerned. I am starting to think he is not very bright because he has said things to me in the past that just enlighten me even more about his kind of personality. Things I never saw when I was at the height of love. Selfish behaviour is rife with him at the moment. The last few things he said to me was " There is only room for me in my life at the moment" and also " I am tired of caring about other people" If you read my first post. I should be the one saying these things, not him! I have never had an easy ride, but I dont expect the whole world to owe me anything. [/Quote] Not knowing his side, in my opinion, I think he does miss you and "loves you" but not in the way you want or even need now. He is under alot of stress with a kid and potentially responsibility! NC gets easier with time, hate to say this; this is a temporary lull and will get better. Since reading CALIGUYS words I know I will never contact him , especially untill these feelings are gone at least. I have been rejected so much in my life and I need to stop this chain as its destroying me. I am reading a number of self help books at the moment and they are helping quite a lot. I will be spending XMAS day alone, as if you read in my post there are a lot of issues with my family that I just dont want to face on this special day. The first ex boyfriend called yesterday he has a gift for me, and I realised that this man is an idiot. He said to me last night" you dont love me anymore do you ( in a seeking approval kind of way) I replied "no i dont". I mean of course I dont!. You slept with someone else and got her pregnant, and stuck by her!. Geez! If he stood by her, has a child with her then it is time to not be a doormat and just move on. Go NC, block his number, change your numbers, etc... I suppose I am just posting on here today because I needed to let out my feelings as all I seem to do is cry, and cry and cry. I am starting to cross the waters of whether I even want this last ex back! Anyone who can just dump me at my worst would need to go through hell and high water to get me back. Its about time I started realising my self worth. Great first steps... go back to nursing in a few weeks and enjoy the start of your other life. Your new life. It is tomorrow, it is next year!
Author GlamourBabe Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 Hi You have read my thread completely wrong sorry! I am talking about 2 ex boyfriends in this thread please read it again Glamour Babe
Author GlamourBabe Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 (edited) Maybe I havent worded it clearly but up untill paragraph 8 I am talking about my recent ex boyfriend. I then say The first ex boyfriend ( talking about something else )... I dont need support on that, I dont love him anymore its fine. Please help on the other stuff though . The comment about the friends, I feel was made in good intent. However, if you read my original post you will see why this has not been easy for me. Edited December 24, 2007 by GlamourBabe
Author GlamourBabe Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 Any more replies anyone? x
Ariadne Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Any more replies anyone? x Are you kidding? You expect me to read that huge humongous post on xmas eve... and then another one that says "sorry long" to complement the first huge one? Boy, not sure what your problem is, but I'm getting a hint already Ariadne
Author GlamourBabe Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 Thanks for that Ariadne! Means a lot!
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