Do I end it now? Is he just not that into me?

[phoensam]

Hi,

I met a guy a few weeks ago at a blackjack table in vegas...he was there with friends, we played beside each other for hours, got along really well etc...I was leaving in the morning and he gave me his contact details (he lives in Europe, me North America). He left with his friends and didn't say a private good bye to me, though he made it clear he was interested and sorry i was leaving that morning.

When I get home, I email him. I hear back almost immediately saying he was glad to hear from me and would be in Florida in Jan & Feb and would like to meet up somewhere during that time. I replied with a definite maybe. It was about 5 days before I heard from him again and it basically involved discussing where we would meet up. I replied pretty quickly, then about 4 days later I get an email from him saying he just did me a long email but it disappeared when he hit send, and he would try again tomorrow. A couple days later I emailed him saying "ok, but I think tomorrow has come and gone". He emailed back a day or 2 later apologising, saying, amongst other things...

"Ok so i am a little late, i have far to much time on my hands this

time of year and i always end up putting everything off until tomorow

and doing absolutly nothing..........

I promise to answer promptly next time and i understand if you dont

answer for at least 6 1/2 days, that was very rude of me."

That was about a week ago and I'm not at all sure how to respond..part of me thinks just tell him forget it, and another part of me thinks I should try to stay calm about it, meet him again and then decide, but not travel 2 far to meet him.

I am really confused and really have to reply soon and would love advice.

Thanks

[Krytie TV]

End what? What do you think you have here exactly?

[phoensam]

End what? What do you think you have here exactly?

 

Exactly what I said above...we are making plans to meet up somewhere for a few days together. I'm not so sure I could be bothered doing it now and that's what I'm asking for advice on and how to reply to him given I'm not so sure about doing it anymore...did you bother to read my post?

 

Why are you so bitter?? Your post was hardly an answer to my question. Thx for that...lol.

Edited December 24, 2007 by phoensam

[mistieyed]

Exactly what I said above...we are making plans to meet up somewhere for a few days together. I'm not so sure I could be bothered doing it now and that's what I'm asking for advice on and how to reply to him given I'm not so sure about doing it anymore...did you bother to read my post?

 

Why are you so bitter?? Your post was hardly an answer to my question. Thx for that...lol.

 

i think the second entry was right on - are you really expecting to have a relationship with someone that lives so far away? if you meet the person in Florida, expect sex and nothing else.

[compassion42]

I hate to say it....but-"What Happens in Vegas,Stays in Vegas". and chances are, your fun time together in Vegas may not carry over to Florida. It's sad, but probably true.

I would wait to hear from this guy again. Does he have your phone number to call you? Who knows, maybe he is wanting more but it really doesn't sound like it.

I hope I'm wrong because you sound like you really liked him.

[Jilly Bean]

I think it's time for a reality check, hon, and Krytie is very accurate (and honestly isn't harsh) "end what"? was my question, too. You met in Vegas, you live on different continents, and then you are all up in his grill and tweaking when he doesn't send an email back in a day and wondering if you should "end" something that doesn't exist.

 

What are you really thinking is going on here? You seem like you think you are in some sort of a relationship, or that this will bud into one.

 

From his perspective, he is thinking this: I met some chick in Vegas. Maybe next time I am in the States we can try and connect.

 

Like the others said, if you meet him, it will amount to sex only, and also, WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS.

[phoensam]

Wow...it seems there are a few people here who have unrealistic expectations when they start relationships and because of that they think that everyone else is the same.

 

I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE!! I thought I cleared that up in my 2nd post, but it seems I didn't!

 

I'm not sitting by a computer waiting to hear from him, I see it for what it is/was. 2 people who met in Vegas, felt some sparks and would have liked to have had more time together. He seemed absolutely smitten and behaved like a total gentleman. And BTW, neither one of us are youngsters and he certainly didn't give me the impression he was only after sex....lol.

 

I haven't made this into something it's not in my head, the minute he walked out the door my eyes were wide open thinking "next"! I'm not a silly woman!

 

At this point, I'm not thinking of a future with him, or the problems associated with long distance relationships etc....much too early for that. Just wondering if I want to continue with something that could wind up very awkwardly (a weekend away is a long time if I discover I don't much like him!!!). I'm thinking "one step at a time" and wondering if I even want to take the next step given we live so far away from each other and can't just meet for a simple coffee or dinner.

 

What I am concerned about is whether there is enough of a spark left for me to be bothered meeting him, or whether I should just politely wish him Merry Xmas and try to let the correspondence drop off. I tend to not give guys much of a chance and wonder if that's what I'd be doing if I don't bother meeting up with him and would love your advice!

 

Thanks

[Racquel Colette]

Your first mistake was emailing him first. He should have wanted your "details" and contacted you first.

You are appearing very desperate. Don't contact him again.

[Legend]

I hate to say it....but-"What Happens in Vegas,Stays in Vegas". and chances are, your fun time together in Vegas may not carry over to Florida. It's sad, but probably true.

I would wait to hear from this guy again. Does he have your phone number to call you? Who knows, maybe he is wanting more but it really doesn't sound like it.

I hope I'm wrong because you sound like you really liked him.

I agree with Compassion. 90% of the time, what happens in Vegas, stays there. It's essentially the hook up capital of the world. You can be whomever you'd like providing you have the cash for it. Some people aren't into e-mail that much. Sounds like this guy is one of them. If you're interested, respond to his e-mail and see where it goes from there.

[phoensam]

I think I'm going to do this...

 

Email him back, ignore fact he took time to reply and simply say something like "now it's my turn to apologize for not getting back to you quicker...life has been hectic here."

 

Re him not being into email...he told me in our earlier correspondence that he only turns his computer on every couple days.

 

I think I will still plan to meet up with him, but only if it can be on my terms...somewhere on the west coast where I can enjoy myself alone if I decide I don't like him, or vice versa. Maybe Vegas again, though he says he didn't like it. Any other ideas of west coast places that might fit the criteria?

 

I agree that the chances of this going anywhere are pretty slim...maybe only 2%! But....nothing ventured, nothing gained!

[Trialbyfire]

What I am concerned about is whether there is enough of a spark left for me to be bothered meeting him, or whether I should just politely wish him Merry Xmas and try to let the correspondence drop off. I tend to not give guys much of a chance and wonder if that's what I'd be doing if I don't bother meeting up with him and would love your advice!

Your boy is playing with you. He showed interest, then left without saying good bye. He teased you with an email about another long email, then let you hang for days.

[phoensam]

Your boy is playing with you. He showed interest, then left without saying good bye. He teased you with an email about another long email, then let you hang for days.

 

I think you may be right. Though I should point out his first email to me was very quick and made it clear he wished he'd had more time with me etc and how he wanted to get together in January. But, since then he hasn't been exactly wowing me!

 

So...I've replied...kept it very light and completely ignored addressing his suggestion that we meet in New Orleans and let him believe I barely noticed his email reply took some time.

 

This is what I wrote...

 

Hi ...,

 

Merry Merry Christmas!!

 

Now it's my turn to apologise for a tardy reply....things have been quite

hectic for me the last couple of weeks.

 

(Short paragraph about a trip he knew I was taking to Toronto and how I enjoyed the basketball and catching up with an old friend...he had asked about my trip in his last email.)

 

I hope you are enjoying some time with your family? Will you have a white

Xmas? It's looking a bit unlikely here, but they are calling for some slush

tomorrow....yuck!

 

Hope you have a great Christmas!

 

Bye for now,

......

 

I'm happy with my reply. Puts the ball back in his court and lets him wonder if perhaps I'm not all that interested anymore (by not addressing where/when we would meet up, which is usually the main topic in our emails)

 

I may have to wait some time to hear back now as I know he was going to the UK to spend Xmas with his mother, and mom may not have a computer. We had a lot of fun together so I'm glad I'm still leaving things open, just in case....he might be one of the good ones...lol. And if not, that's ok too, and I'll write it off as a "nothing ventured, nothing gained" thing.

[phoensam]

I want to add one of the things that won me over about this guy...

 

While we were playing at the table I accidentally spilt my drink on the table (a big no no!). When it was discovered by others, I rather cheekily said that it was he who had spilt it, and he completely went along with it instantly, accepted the blame and never told anyone I did it! I couldn't stop giggling as he was taking the blame, not what I expected!

 

I think that's a good sign he is a true gentleman. You?

[Jilly Bean]

Gentlemen? Uh yeah, sure. lol But I still think you are trying to manifest something that is not a reality.

 

What do you really hope to happen out of this? Are you expecting a relationship to develop, or for a booty weekend? Because at this point, you are in full pursuit of him, and I think he has the Vegas mentality, and you are trying to force an issue.

 

You said as soon as he walked out the door, you were thinking "next"! Yet, here you are plotting a visit, reminiscing how he took the blame for your spilled drink, and crafting emails to make yourself appear aloof and busy. Doesn't sound like a "next" to me. A "next" would have been if he pursued you and a visit, then you could have decided what to do.

 

Perhaps a little honesty with yourself is in order. You asked in your title if he was into you, and when many told you he was not, you got incredibly defensive and accusatory. Was it a rhetorical question, and you just wanted mass agreement?

 

And on behalf of the other posters, I don't think we are the ones with unrealistic expectations...

[phoensam]

Gentlemen? Uh yeah, sure. lol But I still think you are trying to manifest something that is not a reality.

 

What do you really hope to happen out of this? Are you expecting a relationship to develop, or for a booty weekend? Because at this point, you are in full pursuit of him, and I think he has the Vegas mentality, and you are trying to force an issue.

 

You said as soon as he walked out the door, you were thinking "next"! Yet, here you are plotting a visit, reminiscing how he took the blame for your spilled drink, and crafting emails to make yourself appear aloof and busy. Doesn't sound like a "next" to me. A "next" would have been if he pursued you and a visit, then you could have decided what to do.

 

Perhaps a little honesty with yourself is in order.

 

And on behalf of the other posters, I don't think we are the ones with unrealistic expectations...

 

Again, I think you are transplanting your own thoughts onto mine and you are incredibly cynical.

 

As for plotting a visit, wasn't my idea...it was his. We have been emailing about where to meet up. I haven't even said yes to it yet, I told him it was a maybe and that it was a shame we didn't get to know each other well enough to be sure we'd like each other past the first few hours (given the first date will be planned to last a whole weekend!).

 

It sounds like some of you had some very bad luck with men in the past...this guy seemed absolutely smitten with me, and I have enough confidence to believe he probably was.

 

As for a "booty weekend", I suspect we are in a different age group for you to be talking like that to me. As I stated before, neither of us are youngsters and there would definitely be separate rooms booked. He was a complete gentleman, not sleazy at all.

 

Unlike some others on this board, I don't recall one ocassion in my life where I felt I was used by a guy for sex. I'm sorry so many of you seem to have had that experience.

 

Anyhow, given your bad experiences, maybe I should be offering my own advice (much less cynical than yours) to you guys instead of asking for it. I'm sorry you've all become so jaded. There are good men out there, trust me, I've dated quite a few!

[phoensam]

Again, I think you are transplanting your own thoughts onto mine and you are incredibly cynical.

 

As for plotting a visit, wasn't my idea...it was his. We have been emailing about where to meet up. I haven't even said yes to it yet, I told him it was a maybe and that it was a shame we didn't get to know each other well enough to be sure we'd like each other past the first few hours (given the first date will be planned to last a whole weekend!).

 

It sounds like some of you had some very bad luck with men in the past...this guy seemed absolutely smitten with me, and I have enough confidence to believe he probably was. I was hoping for some objective opinions on that, but most of you seeem to have far too many issues with men to be able to offer that...lol.

 

As for a "booty weekend", I suspect we are in a different age group for you to be talking like that. As I stated before, neither of us are youngsters and there would definitely be separate rooms booked. He was a complete gentleman, not sleazy at all.

 

Unlike some others on this board, I don't recall one ocassion in my life where I felt I was used by a guy for sex. I'm sorry so many of you seem to have had that experience.

 

Anyhow, given your bad experiences, maybe I should be offering my own advice (much less cynical than yours) to you guys instead of asking for it. I'm sorry you've all become so jaded. There are good men out there, trust me, I've dated quite a few!

[compassion42]

Wow...interesting response to people who are just trying to be helpful and give their advice. I think I will bow out of this "thread" now as I am not really liking some of the comments from the OP toward the responses. Also, it sounds like you are comfortable making your own decisions around this situation and don't really need our input. Good Luck!

[mistieyed]

not one person said they had had bad experiences, you are assuming that is the case because we have responded against your desired response. there has only been one relationship in my life (I am 35 yoa) that I would say ended in a situation that I would not speak with him - the rest are still friends. I agree with the above posters that you come across as someone that is not in reality about this guy. if you didn't want opinions, you shouldn't post! you asked for responses, you got them - they weren't what you wanted, now you call us jaded. yes, you are the mature one here. we have opposing views, that is all.

[mistieyed]

I am not delusional...why do people like you get so snarky at people with self confidence?

 

I've already had one guy pack up his life and move to the other side of the world to marry me....it does happen, to some of us anyhow. I truly hope you have better luck in the future.

 

and it is obvious that worked out wonderfully

[phoensam]

and it is obvious that worked out wonderfully

 

So...based on your jaded reasoning it means I should never take a chance on a long distance romance again....sorry, I don't live my life that way.

[D-Lish]

Why don't you wait and see if he e-mails you to tell you he is coming.

You put the ball in his court- it is his turn to respond.

If he is going to be in town again- it will be up to him to contact you!

I'd leave it at that for the moment because there is little else to do when you don't have other forms of communicating besides e-mail.

 

The rule still stands- that you e-mailed last, now it is up to him.

Good luck.

[mistieyed]

So...based on your jaded reasoning it means I should never take a chance on a long distance romance again....sorry, I don't live my life that way.

 

that is not what i or anyone else said to you. you asked for opinions, you were given them. you didn't like what was said, so you decided to bash up with your "jaded" comments. best of luck to you nonetheless.

[lorr]

What on earth is the point of posting on this thread, and then when some people have given their honest opinions you don't like it. Its got nothing to do with us being jaded, its actually being a realist about certain things.

 

You do however come across as a bit desperate. So what you met a guy for a few hours in Vegas, and all of a sudden you are more concerned over each others email content.

 

IMO you should let him be, and face reality that it won't work.

Edited December 25, 2007 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inappropriate language

[EYECANDY000]

Hi,

I met a guy a few weeks ago at a blackjack table in vegas...he was there with friends, we played beside each other for hours, got along really well etc...I was leaving in the morning and he gave me his contact details (he lives in Europe, me North America). He left with his friends and didn't say a private good bye to me, though he made it clear he was interested and sorry i was leaving that morning.

When I get home, I email him. I hear back almost immediately saying he was glad to hear from me and would be in Florida in Jan & Feb and would like to meet up somewhere during that time. I replied with a definite maybe. It was about 5 days before I heard from him again and it basically involved discussing where we would meet up. I replied pretty quickly, then about 4 days later I get an email from him saying he just did me a long email but it disappeared when he hit send, and he would try again tomorrow. A couple days later I emailed him saying "ok, but I think tomorrow has come and gone". He emailed back a day or 2 later apologising, saying, amongst other things...

"Ok so i am a little late, i have far to much time on my hands this

time of year and i always end up putting everything off until tomorow

and doing absolutly nothing..........

I promise to answer promptly next time and i understand if you dont

answer for at least 6 1/2 days, that was very rude of me."

That was about a week ago and I'm not at all sure how to respond..part of me thinks just tell him forget it, and another part of me thinks I should try to stay calm about it, meet him again and then decide, but not travel 2 far to meet him.

I am really confused and really have to reply soon and would love advice.

Thanks

 

 

 

Just play it cool.. dont stress it.. if he email you fine if not, forget it.. hes definately aware of what hes doing..

[phoensam]

You are definitely living in cloud cuckoo land. What on earth is the point of posting on this thread, and then when some people have given their honest opinions you don't like it. Its got nothing to do with us being jaded, its actually being a realist about certain things.

 

You do however come across as a bit desperate. So what you met a guy for a few hours in Vegas, and all of a sudden you are more concerned over each others email content.

 

IMO you should let him be, and face reality that it won't work.

 

I think it's a bit cynical to be jumping to the conclusion that it isn't going to work...lol. But thanks for the advice. I'm sure you mean well with your cuckoo land comments etc.