serialgf Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 so i've been dating my new BF for about 2 months now. we first hooked up about A WEEK after my ex and i officially broke up and began officially dating about two weeks later. brief history on me & my ex: we were together for about 5 YEARS on & off, the past year or so of which was mostly off (more issues than time magazine, you know how it is). we did live together though, and due to his recent alcoholism, he does technically still lives at my house. i am not in love with him though, anymore, and our breakup came about by my realizing that i just could not be his full-time babysitter anymore - very thankless job! so, on the one hand, although i feel like it was a bit soon to begin a new relationship, i do feel that i am over him and i feel like in a lot of ways we broke up a long time ago... when i finally decided to break up with ex, i spent the next couple of weeks making up for a lot of lost time - sewing wild oats and whatnot... i was finally starting to have a great time as a single gal again when BAM - i met a wonderful guy my new BF is awesome! he makes me so happy - we have so much in common, he accepts all of my craziness and even helped me deal with getting ex out of the house and back home with his parents to deal with his alcohol problem. new BF is also fantastic in the sack - a real giver if you know what i mean. and of course, as my luck has it, he's actually the one in a million guy who is emotionally mature enough to want to have an exclusive & serious relationship - i've brought up the idea of having an open relationship and he said that is not what he wants, but he is willing to compromise with me - i'm telling you he is super fantastic and i do feel that i am falling in love with him - i mean, who wouldn't, right? my problem now is that i am truly torn: i mean i really care about new BF, but i think it's too soon to get serious about someone. i still want to play the field just because i have been in a relationship for soooo long (5 years with ex, 1.5 years with ex before him, and 3 years with ex before that... yikes!) that's like a third of my life spent in a relationship.... but then again, i don't want to lose something very special and with real potential just because i haven't gone through the "official" mourning period... this is just horrible timing i know you guys will have some great advice for me so... out with it! please? what are my options here? we are supposed to talk about this when i get back into town the day after christmas... happy holidays and thanks!
MystifiedByMen Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Reading your story, I felt like I was reading my own life. I also was in relationships my entire adult life and through high school. I'm 26 now. I've been single now for about a year and really did "act like a guy" in a sence. I had some catching up to do if you know what I mean and I think that's what you're saying. My only problem is my new guy is 22 and I'm 26. Other than that, he's exactly what you're saying about your new guy so I have not commited to the 'girlfriend' title yet like he wants. I prob. will though. I think you should give the guy a shot. If he makes you happy, go for it and see what happens. Later on, if you're still thinking about dating others you can end it. He sounds so great! You never know when you'll find another good one. They seem to be few and far between!
oppath Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 (edited) I think you should give the guy a shot. If he makes you happy, go for it and see what happens. Later on, if you're still thinking about dating others you can end it. He sounds so great! You never know when you'll find another good one. They seem to be few and far between! I think you should keep things casual until the urge to date others is gone. I was this guy to my last girlfriend, but the prospect of me going away for a few months (even though I'd have plenty of $$ and every other friday off) made her realize "I've always been in relationships, this will be a good time to be single." She truly did have some feelings for me and was torn. That has been confirmed through multiple people though bridges between her and I were burned because she wasn't fully honest and I found out. The problem with going for it with this guy, is that if you break up with him to be single, if that desire is latent within you, he will be devastated. Only commit to a relationship if you truly want a relationship at this point in your life. If you don't feel you can truly offer your heart, don't commit. Don't be boyfriend/girlfriend. It's manipulative, quite honestly, to commit prematurely just because you are scared you might lose him. If you can't give 100%, do not commit, because it is not fair to him for him to invest in you if you can't return it. Really, it is selfish. Don't commit out of the fear "oh my god, what if I don't meet someone else?" Commit because you can say "this is definitively who I want." And if you want to date others, he is not definitively who you want. Edited December 24, 2007 by oppath
spookie Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 In my opinion also you shoulnd't commit until you know commitment is what yu want. Him being a good guy is not enough to sustain a relationship if your heart is not fully in it. I think it's important that you take this time to be single as you can really learn a lot about yourself only that way. Stay on good terms, try to become better friends. If you are right for each other, you'll find out eventually, but there's no reason to commit to something you only half-want because you're afraid to lose him - it'd really be unfair to you both.
Recommended Posts