brokenthinker Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Wow I'm shaking in anger. I just decided to do a search on my wife's boyfriends screenname (its very unique) and apparently he enjoys underage teen porn.. and is subscribed to a bunch of public forums on FLickr.com like "married ladies who enjoy sex with other men" and a whole bunch of other stuff... in fact he recently uploaded a bunch of raunchy pics of him kissing / watching porn with other girls... Wow I hope my wife finds out this guys deal sooner or later.. he is into some sick stuff... plus I'm now starting to think he is using my wife for easy sex. I hate that bastard for seducing my wife... I hope she sees the real him soon. Almost tempted to show her his profile but I'm sure she would just think that I made it up to make him look bad... always rationalizing....
whichwayisup Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Why don't you show her what you've found out about him. I can't remember your situation, but I take it you two are not together anymore, separated?
Author brokenthinker Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Yeah seperated at the moment. this douchebag persued my wife even after i told him to stop... she ended up running off to meet him a week later slept with him, then moved in with him a few weeks later... been with him for 3 mos now.... I dunno, I think he will probably cheat on her eventually... considering all the adultery / wife swapping / teen porn / preganant porn forums he belongs to. =\ I just think if i tell my wife she won't beleive me even if she looks for herself. I think maybe he's a sex addict. All i know is this guy isnt the wonderful "christian with high morals" as my wife thinks him to be....
Curmudgeon Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Yeah seperated at the moment. this douchebag persued my wife even after i told him to stop... she ended up running off to meet him a week later slept with him, then moved in with him a few weeks later... been with him for 3 mos now... Are you separated as a precursor to divorce or separated as in you don't know what you want to do and everything is in limbo? It makes a difference. Your wife has been living with, sleeping with and having sex with this pervert for the past three months, right? So do you really want her back? If so, do what you think you have to do. If not, leave it, and her, be and file for divorce.
Florida Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Why are you shaking in anger? Shouldn't it be shaking with laughter? So ahe cheated on you with this *romantic* pursuer of hers, and now you see he is an active philanderer. Sounds like sweet payback to me! I wonder if telling her would be worse or not telling her would be even worse? Hard to say. Either way she got a bad deal. Why aren't you happy considering the circumstances?
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Obviously this guy still loves his wife and it hurts him, everything she's put him though, even though they're not together anymore. Sure, it would be great if he could laugh about it, but honestly, it isn't funny at all...It's sad as his separated wife is making some real bad choices that will only mess her up more and hurt her in the long run. Call it payback, karma, whatever..
brothermartin Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Ok BROKENTHINKER, this is going to sound like I'm playing devil's advocate, but not really. What makes you think that your wife dose'nt already know about how this guy really is? I mean, she did leave you for him, and your worried that she didnt know what she was getting herself into? I suppose you still love her and dont want any harm to come to her, but don't you think that maybe she might know what she's doing? If you really think she dose'nt know, show her what you've found. What do you have to lose?
Tony6 Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Show her. If she doesn't believe it's authentic, that's her problem. She'll find out soon enough you were right. P.S. Why do you even care? Trying to get her back?
Author brokenthinker Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 yeah it's because i still love my wife a lot despite all the crap she put me through. I just know she made a piss poor decision, and probably has some mental issues... (i mean who moves 1/2 way across the country to be with some kid you knew for a week!) All in all I discovered this kid's little dirty secret and his sex buddy list keeps growing daily.. I will be surprised if he doesnt cheat on her... he apparently is fulfilling one of his fetishes right now and hope it will get old soon and kick her to the curb... as bad as it sounds to wish that on someone I hope she gets that so maybe everything will be put into perspective. At the same rate I deeply care for my wife still and know this guy is bad news... my wife didn't stand for this stuff in our marriage, and even though she has lowered her standards I doubt she would stand for it now. . . I guess I'm going to wait and let this kid damn himself more before showing it to her in passing. Because right now she would probably just blow it off with some lame excuse like "oh its ok jason he's just drunk" like she did b4. /sigh my situation sucks. But I guess it's only because I beleive strongly in the vows I took... "for better or for worse" and right now it is "worse" but I'm still hanging on... Just the way I was raised
Bryanp Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Sounds like it will be a matter of time before she catches an STD. I think reality for you is to move on and find someone who can love and respect you and a relationship. Nobody loves a doormat. I wish you luck.
abeliever Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Broken- Do you think sometimes that the way you was raised (so was I) is a curse? I am questioning my upbringing a bit. My Gma who raised me was a Minister and I watched her forgive over and over. Now here I have forgiven my H for multiple affairs (now last OW is pregnant) and look at my life. If I had left after the first A then I wouldn't be going thru it now. I don't know the answer just seems a lot of people who think like you and I say the same thing and willing to work things out not matter how bad things get. Why do we do it? Curious of your thoughts? abeliever
Author brokenthinker Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 (edited) Broken- Do you think sometimes that the way you was raised (so was I) is a curse? I am questioning my upbringing a bit. My Gma who raised me was a Minister and I watched her forgive over and over. Now here I have forgiven my H for multiple affairs (now last OW is pregnant) and look at my life. If I had left after the first A then I wouldn't be going thru it now. I don't know the answer just seems a lot of people who think like you and I say the same thing and willing to work things out not matter how bad things get. Why do we do it? Curious of your thoughts? abeliever I know exactly why I am the way I am. I didn't have the best childhood growing up. I mean, we had everything we wanted and were well off. But I had parents who were emotionally detached from me. My father was never really home much and even today I don't really have a good relationship with them. My family was very very religious (jehovah's witness.. so was my walk away wife) So I was brought up pretty seriously. Not a lot of love was shown in my house so I never really felt love. But I made a determination to not be like my folks, and think I did a pretty damn good job of learning what i DONT want to be like. I was also the social outcast most of my life growing up. I was the guy stuck programming computers and learning and expanding my mind, while everyone else was having fun. Thus I didnt learn how to make friends much. Don't get me wrong, I can sell Ice to and Eskimo!!! But I have a hard time connecting with people on a social and personal level due to my lack of interpersonal skills growing up. This is very hard for me too because before I met my wife I dated a girl for almost 2 years and was engaged to get married and she ended up skipping out on me for some other guy.... it left me needless to say very devastated. But I was able to move on faster because I wasn't so attached. I learned a lot from the relationship and tried to use it to my benefit. My problem is though that I'm a very serious and mature guy for my age do to my upbringing. And unfortunately while most people my age are in college or partying, I was always busy building a business and trying to provide an environment condusive to a family. Now why did I forgive my wife so much and still do so? Because I believe in the value of marriage and still love my wife. I made a vow not just to my wife but to god as well that through better or "worse" (right now is very worse) that I would honor my vows. And while my wife has abandoned her vows and is acting like an immature little tart, I am not prepared to abandon something I believe so strongly in. I forgive too because I realize that none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, and sometimes it takes a while for you to realize the error of your ways... I have a big heart that's open to all. I believe personally if god can forgive us of sins we commit and that we should try to be more godlike then wouldn't it be reasonable to try and have a forgiving attitude? Because I know that if I screw up, I sure would like to have someone that could forgive me. . . . My wife show's no remorse for her course of action now, but sooner or later (i hope) the consequences of her actions will catch up to her.... Now you may all commence flaming me for my viewpoints immediately. /J Edited December 26, 2007 by brokenthinker
Florida Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 (edited) Brokenthinker....your avatar suggests more insureness about your beliefs then you let on in the post above. It all sounds so, I don't know-programmed. Is that really the authentic you BK? All that stuff you wrote? Or is it just easier to be the way you have always been? I would like to set a challenge for you, think of all the times you extended the acts of genuine kindness, forgiveness, and all that stuff. Then think of the results you can recall. Then think of how you felt, and currently feel overall. Brokenthinker-I think you need to change some ways of your thinking in order to survive in this world. I believe the universe does not, in fact, love the meek. That whole the meek shall nherit the earth line was a lie. Just look at the results of it and be prepared to change, and be angry, be open to it. In order to keep your big heart you have to be hard. Only by protecting it and making people earn that door to you will you be able to have more to share in the future. Don't give her anymore. She stopped earning it long ago. Edited December 27, 2007 by Florida
ladyintights Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 I know exactly why I am the way I am. I didn't have the best childhood growing up. I mean, we had everything we wanted and were well off. But I had parents who were emotionally detached from me. My father was never really home much and even today I don't really have a good relationship with them. My family was very very religious (jehovah's witness.. so was my walk away wife) So I was brought up pretty seriously. Not a lot of love was shown in my house so I never really felt love. But I made a determination to not be like my folks, and think I did a pretty damn good job of learning what i DONT want to be like. I was also the social outcast most of my life growing up. I was the guy stuck programming computers and learning and expanding my mind, while everyone else was having fun. Thus I didnt learn how to make friends much. Don't get me wrong, I can sell Ice to and Eskimo!!! But I have a hard time connecting with people on a social and personal level due to my lack of interpersonal skills growing up. This is very hard for me too because before I met my wife I dated a girl for almost 2 years and was engaged to get married and she ended up skipping out on me for some other guy.... it left me needless to say very devastated. But I was able to move on faster because I wasn't so attached. I learned a lot from the relationship and tried to use it to my benefit. My problem is though that I'm a very serious and mature guy for my age do to my upbringing. And unfortunately while most people my age are in college or partying, I was always busy building a business and trying to provide an environment condusive to a family. Now why did I forgive my wife so much and still do so? Because I believe in the value of marriage and still love my wife. I made a vow not just to my wife but to god as well that through better or "worse" (right now is very worse) that I would honor my vows. And while my wife has abandoned her vows and is acting like an immature little tart, I am not prepared to abandon something I believe so strongly in. I forgive too because I realize that none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, and sometimes it takes a while for you to realize the error of your ways... I have a big heart that's open to all. I believe personally if god can forgive us of sins we commit and that we should try to be more godlike then wouldn't it be reasonable to try and have a forgiving attitude? Because I know that if I screw up, I sure would like to have someone that could forgive me. . . . My wife show's no remorse for her course of action now, but sooner or later (i hope) the consequences of her actions will catch up to her.... Now you may all commence flaming me for my viewpoints immediately. /J I think you are desperately trying to hold onto the ONE close and intimate relationship you maybe ever had in your life. There should be workshops for problems like this- social workshops. Maybe look into it. I know you can do better than this!
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