AngelinaS Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Friends, I work for this guy. He was looking out for girls and used to tell me that he would not marry me. He used to tell me that we are just friends and we used to go to movies, shopping, restaurants etc. Somehow we have developed intimacy and shared the physical relation. He used to tell me even then that he cannot marry me. Later on I wanted to quit working there because I was deeply in love with him. I just wanted to move on because he cannot be mine. He then stopped me and told me that he loves me and wants to marry me. I stayed back. Slowly he is pulling himself away. He stopped taking me to any movies. He used to take me home earlier. He stopped that. Now we don't go out together anymore. It makes me feel that he is avoiding being seen with me in public. Infact he comes up with every reason not to be with me. He makes sure we both are never alone. Whenever I ask him about it, it just ends up in a big fight where he says I am not trusting him and things like that. Later on I feel sorry, I feel I am wrong and then try to be normal and out of guilt does not mind whatever he does. Recently one of his old friends, (people told me he dated her and he told me she was after him and so he sent her off) he is trying to bring her back to the office to work there. When I questioned about it, he made a big fight and then said I don't trust him. I told him it's because of his behavior towards me. He says it's because of pressures he has (He does have financial pressures but he is ok with others) and then says I don't understand him etc. Now we are not talking to each other since 4 days. But my question is, what should I do. He may break it up himself or he may let it go and be ok with me. But will things change? Even if we both talk and be normal, I will be made to feel sorry and nothing else will change. How should I take this relation? Please someone tell me, If a guy is in tensions (Lot of tensions...) will he stop calling his so-called girl friend? He does not call me or sms me. If I don't go to the office or if he does not come to the office, then there is absolutely no connection/ communication. Please help me understand what to do. Appreciate your inputs.
Ronni_W Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Your first instinct to get another job was correct. Do that as soon as possible. Unfortunately, it seems that the man you claim to be "deeply in love" with is controlling, manipulating and using you purely for his sexual needs...and is trying to blame you when you call him on it. You just need to decide if you are worth more and deserve better than this.
Author AngelinaS Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Thanks Ronni. He is avoiding the physical relation as well. Probably he lost interest in me but needs me to work in the office. When I try to quit the job, he doesn't let me. He catches me on phone, comes home and somehow tells me all stories which make me feel may be he loves me. Can someone please give me tips on how to move on. I feel devastated.
Author AngelinaS Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 One more thing is he does not tell anyone about what I am to him. We are working together since 4 years... Yes. 4 years. He said he loves me about a year ago. Still no one knows about us.
Racquel Colette Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Well, he is just not into you. A man who is into you wants to spend time for you. If it is possible, definitely do what you had planned before and get a job elsewhere. Maybe you can even find a better job (like in the movie Bridget Jones.) This guy doesn't love you at all and will never marry you. Sorry but that is the truth. Cut off all contact.
Ronni_W Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 When I try to quit the job, he doesn't let me. Sorry but you are a grown-up. There isn't anything that he can "let you do" or NOT "let you do". You must make the decision to find new employment, and then go out and find new employment. Period. Otherwise, you are just letting this man who has no genuine feelings of affection toward you, control you. ...he does not tell anyone about what I am to him. We are working together since 4 years... Yes. 4 years. He said he loves me about a year ago. Still no one knows about us. This is difficult and painful. To me, his lack of mentioning you shows that you are simply not meaningful in his life outside the office: What you are to him, is a worker -- bosses/supervisors don't need to go around telling people that, and it means you are nothing more than that.
sedgwick Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 He doesn't "let" you or "not let" you do anything. Unless he's got you on a leash and he's with you 24 hours a day, you can do what you want. What if you just didn't show up? Ever again?
Author AngelinaS Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 Ronni & Sedgwick, What you said is absolutely true. I think I have not made up my mind and hence allow him to control me. It is tough to leave him but I guess I have to do it instead of waiting for him to dump me. Please tell me the things that I should have done differently, should do in a different way from now on. How do I deal with him and tell him it's over. What should be my answer if he tells me it's over?
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