Tracey111 Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 I have ended a relationship with a man that I was and still am, deeply in love with. We were together for 6 years. I never wanted to end it.....he couldn't commit, and I said to him on November 10th that I am not going to be ONE MORE DAY in a relationship that causes so much frustration because he can't committ. The weird thing, we have known each other for 22 years and I was sooo honest before the relationship turned romantic. I told him that I am looking for a committment and we were great until about 3 years ago when I said 'ok, when are we going to do this?'.....since then it has been on again, off again. We would slpit up becuase he would start to pick fights with me, look for reasons why it wouldn't work, wouldn't call when he said he would, etc. Talk about a rollar coaster ride....and draining, to boot. So from September until November 10th, we were in 'buying a house' mode. His parents were at my house for dinner on Thanksgiving and we told them. I was so happy and thought to myself, 'wow...it's really going to happen....I am SO happy.' He started his usual pattern of becoming distant, trying to pick an argument etc. and then finally said after about 2 weeks of this crap that his house was almost paid off (in October 2008) and that he would finally get a chance to 'relax', now that his house was paid off. I said hmmmmm, he said "you understand, right?" I said that I didn't understand and wouldn't understand and that this relationship has been a constant source of frustration for me for 3 years and that I was moving on with my life. That i would no longer 'be true to him', and hung up the phone. There was more conversation than that but that's the jist of it. So the next week, I get a bowel obsbtruction and end up in the hospital, I have chron's disease and my friend calls him and tells him that I am sick. She told him I always get these when he is being a dink and to either make it work, or don't make it work, but do SOMETHING because her friend (me) can't take it physically. He thanked her for calling. He called me the next day (Yeah, the next day) and left a message that he heard I was sick and he was concerned.....I never called him back. Partly because I don't want his concern and if he were that concerned, his ass would be in a therapists office working his **** out. So, time is now passing and I am feeling better and lo'and behold.....the friggin' phone starts ringing this week. 4 calls on Tueday night without a message and then he calls on Thursday night and I am home and pick up the phone. I had had about 2 days to decide what I was going to do with 'this' so I thought I would give him the opportunity to say what he wanted to say. He had nothing to say.....just 'check-up' stuff.. loaded with 'well, I haven't been doing anything...not going out, just keeping a low profile, how about you.....why didn't you return my call A MONTH AGO....(god, I can't believe that) etc. I told him that I didn't return the call because he never asked me to....I told him I wasn't doing much either....I didn't carry the conversation at all....he said ok then....I won't keep you....I've just been thinking about you all the time.....(pause)....maybe I'll talk to you later....I said, yeah, maybe..... SO the next day, (Friday), I cried all day. All day....God...I just couldn't keep it together. Thank God I wasn't working on Friday, it would have been a mental health day forsure. So yesterday morning I wake up crying and I thought, the Hell with this......I left him a message and this is what I said. "Joe, it's Tracey. I've had some time to think about our conversation yesterday and I don't want you calling me anymore. You have nothing to offer me, don't plan on having anything to offer me and you're trying to slip in through the back door, once again. I don't care how much you are thinking about me, I wouldn't go back to you for 2 weeks, a week or a day only to go through the same **** again. You have some problems that you need to work out with someone if you ever plan on being in my life again...I know it's Christmas nd you're probably lonely, and so am I, but if you want to be in my life, you know what you need to do. Other than that, don't call me after a month to stir my life up. Don't call me anymore, ok? Thanks. Bye." So that is where it stands for today. My heart is broken and I feel sick but I am not crying. One of the things we (meaning all of us) is that we love our exes, or partners or whatever you want to call them, but if the original problem never gets rectified, why go back? It's just going to be the same'ol, same 'ol. I don't know what he is going to do next but I would appreciate hearing from the guys on this list. I love this man with all my heart, but I can't afford for it to be broken, once again.
Curmudgeon Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 I don't know what he is going to do next but I would appreciate hearing from the guys on this list. I love this man with all my heart, but I can't afford for it to be broken, once again. At least that's what it sounds like and if nothing's changed in six years I wouldn't count on it changing anytime soon. After all, one definition of insanity is doing the same thing time and again and expecting to get different results. I doubt that you're crazy, just hopeful. It also sounds as if you're finally becoming realistic. One of the things we (meaning all of us) is that we love our exes, or partners or whatever you want to call them, but if the original problem never gets rectified, why go back? No I don't! I don't love the ex. I don't even like her and we were married 25 years. Nowhere is it written that we must continue to love those in our lives who prove themselves unworthy of it.
Author Tracey111 Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 can committment phobes ever change? I know he loves me too, but what will it take? I feel mental...
frd150 Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Sometimes It takes a reality check to get them to change...trust me. I was in an almost three year relationship that was called off by her and yes commitment was a big part of it. I was only a couple of months away from popping the question. I was not waiting cuz I was scared no no it I was just trying to get all my ducks in a row, in fact I had just purchased the ring. If I had only just done it sooner but I let the practical side get the better of me. I lost her. I would do it in a heartbeat. Is this it for you or would you go back to a commitment?
Author Tracey111 Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 I would go back for a committment and counselling. Other wise, I would be afraid that it would 'slip' into the 'ol familiar. I hope my message to him reflected that.
thecount Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 my ex had commitment issue. and she went to therapy and all that, it lasted maybe 2 months, and right back to the old pattern. She would call and say -- I love you, I miss you, You're my bestfriend, but I can't commit. Good-bye... and then she had the nerve to say --"wait...you mean this is it"? Are you kidding me? lol People that can't commit want you to be there, but they can do whatever they want. People that can't commit are not being too faithful either. why do you think they can't commit? They always think there's something better.
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