pjbouchard Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. We started dating 6 months after him and his wife separated, and we started off very stong and fell in love quickly. The first three months of our relationship were BLISS. Starting in July, though, he started going through the worst of the divorce stuff and realized that he's going to have to declare bankruptcy. Since then, he started getting distant with me and more irritable all the time, which I understood. I was supportive for the most part, but looking back, there were times that I was self-centered, expecting him to be at my beckon call, etc. I work with and am friends with lots of people who know him, and unfortunately there were times that people at work would ask me about him and I would divulge too much info about us and it would get back to him. This obviously pissed him off as well. (He's very private.) So from August-October, we were fighting pretty much once a week. In late October, he heard a rumor that was started by someone I work with that I was cheating on him. (Not true.) Even though I'm pretty sure he knows I didnt cheat on him, the fight we had that night brought all of the issues mentioned above to a head, and I almost lost him. Although we are still together, and do see eachother and have happy moments, he is VERY distant and says he is unable to open up to me. Since that last fight I have completely changed for the better, and he knows that....we havent had a fight since then. The thing is, how to I get him to open back up to me? He says he knows I've changed and wishes that he could open back up to me, but he just cant allow himself to and he doesnt know why. He says he hopes things change with time, and he wants things to work out. He says something changed that last fight and he cant go back to the way things were yet. Is there anything I can do here? I love this man and I know he knows that. He is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Any ideas or advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
Legend Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 You burned his trust pretty good. It's gonna take some time for that to heal, if it iever does. Let him clear up all his bankruptcy and divorce stuff. Also as relationships progress that 'bliss' or 'honeymoon phase' will end, and you'll see how things really are. That too can be part of it. Best of luck.
Krytie TV Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 We'd like to think that we can impact others' behaviors or that if we simply did something different we can fix things. This is a him issue. There's nothing you can likely do to change it, though I'm sure you'll continue to try. It seems that you have lost him, emotionally, and those kinds of things rarely come back. Considering his separation and divorce, I would suggest that he's probably just not in a state to do the right thing as far as you're concerned. You may have to face the fact that you're a rebound relationship that is ending like a train wreck. You will likely continue to fight an uphill and losing battle as long as you try to change him.
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