Girly88 Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 So i have been dating this guy for like 4 months and out of no where he ended it a week ago and said we had no emotional connection.....he then said he was confused and said he wanted to talk about things in person, (he broke up with me over the phone!!) and he said he would call me the next day or the day after cuase he had work stuff. WELL he never called, and I had called him 2 days after he was supposed to call and he never answered....i sent him a few text messages and he never answerd, and i called him and he didnt answer. why is he ignoring me???? why cant he just tell me he doesnt want to talk to me? why did he have to lie to me and say he wanted to talk when he didnt??? this is driving me crazy! i hate being ignored, i feel like i just need him to tell me he doesnt want to talk to me...HELP!!
SouthernT Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 It has been my experience that men will go to any exent to avoid hurting a girl's feelings. ANY exent. Lying, avoidance, distance....But at the same time, men need this distance and space in order for their feelings to grow for you. Were you guys taking things pretty fast? Did you two have a sexual connection but no emotional connection? Did you fight alot? Did you smother eachother? In other words, what was the relationship pattern?
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 I can sympathize with the mixed signals and the ignoring. It's enought to drive you nuts. Just had a similar thing happen not so long ago. All gung ho about things, then he pulled back- I asked him to be honest with me and he said he really liked me and had just been a little scared.... but he wanted me big time and couldn't wait to see me again. Well, I never did hear back after that. I texted once and emailed once. I regret that now. But I do know what you mean when you say how awful it is to be ignored. There is nothing worse than that! The best thing to do is to pull back and stop contacting him. It's unforunate- but we can't force answers from someone else, nor can we speculate what is happening in someone else's head. As human being we have that inherent need to understand and have answers. In a situation like this you may have to come to terms with the fact that you won't get the answers you are looking for. It will drive you batty for a bit- but you'll begin to calm down it won't bug you as much. Just wait it out. Don't contact anymore, no matter how much you want to- you don't want to appear desperate or needy. If you need some closure and want to speculate- it's best to vent here rather than pick up the phone and call him!
SouthernT Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Yeah I have to agree with D-Lish on this one. It NEVER fails. Don't contact a guy at all and he'll pop up out the blue. But then YOU have to decide where you want things to go with him from that point. I've been going through this with a guy for a year now. And it's never fails. Like clock work, he'll dissapear for about a month or month and a half and will pop up like nothing ever happened. The only difference is that I have never been in a relationship with this guy. Never had sex with him. We are still in that "like" or "attracted" phase. And sad to say, sometimes, they never call back.
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Yep- when you don't contact, they often come back. There is also that possibility of not getting a call. I still want to find out what happened and get this irresistable urge to text every once and a while.... but I don't do it.
SouthernT Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Oh.....believe you me....I have to fight that urge EVERY SINGLE day. Funny how the hardest thing to do for a woman....is to simply do NOTHING at all. Amazing how hard that is for us. I'm fighting that urge at this very moment. I come to the chat boards to realease my energy.
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Well, also keep this in mind too: Ignoring is also the biggest impact you can have on him. You've been predictable up until this point- he's expecting more messages and contact. When you stop contacting he'll wonder why. My guy still has me on his msn contact list- and that little detail played havoc with my brain. "What does it mean... is there still a chance... is he planning on talking to me at some... because if not he would delete me right?" These are the kind of things that drove me nuts- trying to decipher what the little things meant. Most likely he hasn't deleted me because he hasn't thought about it! So- you can see my point I hope- that sometimes doing nothing has more impact than you think.
Legend Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Long story short, if he's interested and you ignore him, he'll call/txt. If he's not, like D-Lish said, you risk the chance of not getting any contact from him.
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Long story short, if he's interested and you ignore him, he'll call/txt. If he's not, like D-Lish said, you risk the chance of not getting any contact from him. But do you agree she shouldn't be contacting him further at this point Legend?
Krytie TV Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 My guess is that he told you he wanted to talk to you in person because that's what he thought was right and that's the person he wanted to be. However, once the deed is done, it's simply easier to not do anything at all. Why go through the effort of facing the situation when you can just ignore it. Some people just go through life like an ostrich, thinking that if they ignore it then it will just go away. This is a good strategy about 90% of the time (you can't ignore away bill collectors). It's not sexy or respectful, but an effective strategy none the less. And yes, please stop calling him. That does nothing.
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Yes, ignoring works wonders when you want someone/something to go away. You can't chase someone down for answers- even though you want to. We typically get labelled as psycho when this happens. More than two attempts at contact automatically puts us in that category. One can make it or break it during this period- continuing to call someone pushes them away.... but if you just step back, remain calm and give them space.... sometimes it gives them a chance to think with a clear head and they come back. Not always though. I have had someone disappear out of my life never to be heard form again- and I have had someone walk away- then come back with flowers and an apology. You never know.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 dont waste your time and energy giving this guy another call or text message.. It seems like he said he wanted to end things on a good note but didnt fall through. Move on from him.
Legend Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 But do you agree she shouldn't be contacting him further at this point Legend? I agree. She shouldn't contact him further at this point.
Author Girly88 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 I know you guys are all so right its just sooo hard not to keep sending messages...i just want him to tell me he doesnt want to talk to me....but thank you to all of you, this really did help
D-Lish Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 I have wanted the same closure- but you won't always get it- and it can't be forced. i agree, that some people find it easier to ignore rather than deal. In that sense you have to find your own closure. Don't reach out- no matter what- as hard as that will be. I resist the urge to text all the time- and it's not easy. Just keep in mind that the persistent contact would push him away. IF he IS going to come to you- it has to be on his terms. And the chances are better if you become silent from here on out. Keep posting here- we'll talk each other through it. ;-)
Jilly Bean Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 I agree - it is a HORRIBLE thing to do to someone. Women are so much more communicative, we have little issue with having the closure conversation. Men, however, do tend to be a lot less confrontational, and will really avoid hurting a woman at all costs. What they don't realize, is that by going MIA, it makes it far worse for us, as we really can handle the truth - lol. As the others advised, do your best to not call him. It's like a one day at a time thing... Good luck and stay strong!
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