Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 My boyfriend got the hump because I had to cancel going to his work 'do' as my mum was ill and she couldnt babysit - He has now cancelled coming for xmas lunch with me and my family. I am so annoyed! I have sent him a text saying that if he ruins christmas for me it will be over and for good as I will never forgive him! He has not replied! He knows how special christmas is for me and I feel he has let me down at the worst ever time! How can he just do this?
polywog Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Are you saying he cancelled the stuff with your family to punish you for not going to his work party?
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 (edited) Yes I think he did. We had made plans and it is not in a house it is at the Hilton Hotel so I will have to cancel his space. When I told him I could not make it he didnt even ask how my mum is he just got moody and said he will take his friend. He also went out the night before I cancelled and he stayed up all night and did not make it for our shopping trip that we had planned in the morning. I have a feeling that he thinks I cancelled to get him back for not turning up, that is not the case and he didnt give me a chance to explain that I had tried to arrange other sitters! Edited December 23, 2007 by Lishy
polywog Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Geez, I think that holidays bring out the baby in so many of us, myabe he over-reacted. Could you just have the conversation with him to find out exactly why he cancelled out on you? I mean, without jumping to conclusions? Maybe it would clear the air.
Sweetcheripie Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 I think I would pick up the phone and talk with him. Sounds like you two really need to talk. You could tell him that you really weren't bailing on him, your mother was sick and that it really means a lot to you to be with him at Christmas. It sounds like he is being a big baby but maybe he is feeling pressure from the holidays or something like that. I just don't think something this important should be worked out throught texting. I'm so sorry you are going through this stress at Christmas. Sometimes our expectations are sooo huge for the "romantic" holiday that it is just too hard to live up too. Try to just enjoy the holiday without him with the rest of your family. It sounds like you have a lovely event planned.
Racquel Colette Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Honestly that is not a man you would want as your boyfriend. I think he is looking for an easy way out and he jumped at this. I'm sorry. Drop him for good and look for someone else.
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 I told him everything in the text I sent him, I did not ring him as I was too mad and was scared of what I would say! Right now I am hating him! I cannot believe he has ruined my christmas!!!!!!!!!
Legend Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 YOU canceled on him first. Work parties are very important for guys to bring someone to. If we don't bring someone to the work party, we feel like even more of a failure in front of the people we see daily.
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Oh so because I had no choice as my mum was too ill to have my son and my other options had made other plans, it is my fault? I remember why I dont post here anymore!
Legend Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Get a baby sitter, ask a friend, etc. There's always a choice.
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Ok Legend I think you need to read again - I TRIED to get another sitter and couldnt as it was last minute that my mum was sick
Legend Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Couldn't your dad take care of her? (sorry if they're separated) Doesn't your mom have any friends? How ill was 'ill'?
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Hang on .. why am I defending this - My mum was ill and I couldnt get another sitter. Does that make it ok for him to cancel christmas? Am I missing something here?
Art_Critic Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Stop the text messaging.. It isn't a good form of communication and you are way to old to be using texting to settle an issue. As soon as you can pick up the phone and speak with him.. and stop using text messaging as a form of communicating in a relationship, it is too informal of a means to get across points that may need to be made by both party's. Communication is where the big issue lies right now.. or I should say Miscommunication as it were..
Legend Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Ok, but you also canceled his work party plans, I'm sure he wasn't too thrilled with that. Then you're taking it up another level and telling him it'll be OVER if he doesn't come to xmas. What kind of manipulation is that? I wouldn't respond either. I'm just giving you input from a guy's point of view.
Art_Critic Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Hang on .. why am I defending this - My mum was ill and I couldnt get another sitter. Does that make it ok for him to cancel christmas? Am I missing something here? You did nothing wrong Lishy.. Your BF is just being an ass right now...
Art_Critic Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Ok, but you also canceled his work party plans, I'm sure he wasn't too thrilled with that. She had good reason... She didn't have a babysitter as her Mom got Sick.. What was she supposed to do ? Bring the child to a company party ? The BF has gotten his feelings hurt over this.. he took it personally.. Something tells me he doesn't spend a lot of time with her child or sees the child as an obstacle in the relationship
Trialbyfire Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Lishy, this is the flow of what happened: Your b/f was an idiot by staying out until all hours drinking, knowing full well that the two of you had plans the next morning. He deliberately turned off his phone and didn't show and never apologized.You cancelled going to his Christmas party last night due to your mom getting sick and an inability to find a replacement sitter on such short notice. You also didn't provide him with any proof, that this was the case by allowing or suggesting to him, to call your mother. While you shouldn't have to prove anything to him, you have to admit the timing was suspect.Your b/f then cancelled Christmas brunch with your family and now you consider that he's responsible for ruining your Christmas.My question is, what matters more? Pride or your relationship? I agree with A_C. Better to pickup the phone or go see him, so that you can both express your issues to each other, so it's all laid on the table. Also being in person allows both of you to realize what you're potentially losing.
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Thank you art and all who have thought about your replies, I appreciate it right now as I am hurting and I dont like it He has been an ass and I know I should not text and normally I wouldnt but I called him and his phone was off so I had no choice as I wanted to let him know that I was not happy and also to let him know that I feel serious enough about this to end it. My problem runs deeper you see, my ex ruined every christmas for me and I guess I do not want to be with another guy who will do the same, christmas is extremely special for me and my favorite time of the year! He knows this! He has screwed this up big time!
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Trial and Art that is fab advice but I cannot call as his phone was off when I tried!
polywog Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Stop the text messaging.. It isn't a good form of communication and you are way to old to be using texting to settle an issue. As soon as you can pick up the phone and speak with him.. and stop using text messaging as a form of communicating in a relationship, it is too informal of a means to get across points that may need to be made by both party's. Communication is where the big issue lies right now.. or I should say Miscommunication as it were.. Right on. I agree that text messaging as well as emailing are a way of removing something vital to communication. Eye to eye or voice to voice is where it's at. Let yourself simmer down a bit from your anger, take a deep breath, swallow your pride and give him a call. Do your best to not be accusatory, even if you feel like it. Ask, and then listen without interrupting or taking offense or being reactive. Then see where it goes. Chances are that he was really looking forward to showing you off at the party. He was clearly very disappointed, and he's taking it out on you, but try to be understanding. Hopefully this will clear the air, and he'll listen to you and all will be better than ever. I'm in no way implying that you don't have a right to be angry.... hell, I'd be angry at him, too. But just remember that this is a loaded time of year for so many of us, and it's worth granting him a little extra understanding... and to yourself, too. Hope it clears up the bad vibes!
Legend Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 You're acting like you're 16. You 2 need to discuss this face to face. Cut the texting out, cut the calls. Go to his house, or track him down, and lay all your **** on the table.
Art_Critic Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Trial and Art that is fab advice but I cannot call as his phone was off when I tried! Then relax.. leave a message on is voice mail that is non threatening and mention that you would like to talk this out with him that it has gotten out of hand.. or as Legend put it.. track him down and go over to his house or where he is if you can communicate with him without exploding and making things worse
polywog Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 While I was posting last, all sorts of posts appeared that said the same thing! That's good.... great minds think alike, plus I think all of us have been through the same stuff. Collective wisdom?
Author Lishy Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 He told me he will be stayin at his mums, she lives miles away and I wouldnt turn up at her house un-invited. Am I the only one who feels like he is the one in the wrong? Should it not be he who says sorry and tries to make amends?
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