SSGLucey Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Hello, first I just wanted to say that I'm new to the forum and thankful to have found you guys. I really don't know who to talk to about my current situation and it will be nice to hear some insight, suggestions, etc. I married the man of my dreams in March 2006, we met online while he was stationed in Germany and I lived in Florida. In March, my husband flew down so we could get married, in which we spent 27 days together before he left for Afghanistan for 12 months. When he returned, I left with my son from a previous marriage to join him in Germany so we can finally be together. This was the time that I believed that my fairy tale ending has finally come true. My husband changed from the war but we quickly got pregnant and sadly we lost our child during our 2nd trimester. Losing our son, actually threw me into a deep depression to be honest. However, we battled to get our son's ashes to the states. Then I thought things would change for better for us when we finally received our approval on a Compassionate Reassignment back to the states. Now here we are.. still having arguments and not meeting half-way. Just recently I located a profile that he created on Adult Friend Finders in which he was looking for a "discreet relationship". In many ways, finding that profile felt like a huge slap in the face.. especially since its so public with his photo and in our local area. I'm not sure what direction to take. We have just recently went to a counselor and my husband was diagnosed with Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Also with the death of our son, it just manifested to make it even harder for him. He claims that he never did anything with anyone, but how do I know the truth? He lied about opening the account and emailing a ex-girlfriend. I'm just having a extremely hard time honestly, thoughts crossing through my mind.. Did he have a emotional affar? Did he even meet anyone? But at the same time, I feel like I have to put my emotions to the side to help him with his PTSD. The emotions can be so overwhelming for me, I go from being angry, confused, helpless, and Grrrr - I can go on. Any help would be greatly appreaciated. Melissa
Curmudgeon Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 SSGLucey said: We have just recently went to a counselor and my husband was diagnosed with Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Also with the death of our son, it just manifested to make it even harder for him. Good morning, Melissa. I'm truly sorry to hear of your troubles, especially as compounded by the loss of a child. That must have been, and remains, heartrbreaking. Is your husband still receiving counseling from the military or VA for PTSD? If not, I think he should be. As one who still wrestles with some elements of it going back to the Vietnam era, I think it important that he avails himself of any and all opportunities to help him deal with it. Unfortunately, going-on 40 years ago it was not recognized by anyone. Now it is and that's as it should be. Help is available. I can well understand how you're having a real trust issue right now and all the PTSD possible does not excuse your husband's duplicity. He needs to know that in no uncertain terms. You do NOT have to set aside your emotions to help him. Your emotions are real, valid and worthy of his consideration. It has to be a joint effort. I hope he can be made to see that.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 SSGLucey said: I married the man of my dreams in March 2006, we met online while he was stationed in Germany and I lived in Florida. In March, my husband flew down so we could get married, in which we spent 27 days together before he left for Afghanistan for 12 months. When he returned, I left with my son from a previous marriage to join him in Germany so we can finally be together. How much time did you physically spend together before you got married? Mr. Lucky
Author SSGLucey Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Curmudgeon: Thank you so much for your response. We recently started to go to counseling last week, when things blew up with the online profile I located. However the counselor we met, I really feel comfortable with. She really took the time and it was completely different from the care we received in Germany. In Germany, we were pretty much told there were not enough counselors with the amount of soldiers that were coming back from the war. Right now, the counselor has a plan to help him with his PTSD, which I'm thankful for. Also they are sending him to Walter Reed for 3 week evaluation shortly before he goes to Iraq. I just wanted to say I really appreciate your comment and also for telling me some about you. Thank you for your service and I understand where you are coming from. My father is a Vietnam Vet and I have seen his struggles since. Hugs Mel Mr. Lucky: Honestly we didn't have a lot of time physically together. Majority of the relationship was online for over two years. Webcams, phone conversation and personal letters between the two of us. Months prior to getting married, we were lucky to have some time together with no interruption. Hugs Mel
Mr. Lucky Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 SSGLucey said: Mr. Lucky: Honestly we didn't have a lot of time physically together. Majority of the relationship was online for over two years. Webcams, phone conversation and personal letters between the two of us. Months prior to getting married, we were lucky to have some time together with no interruption. Hugs Mel I'd guess that, besides the other issues, your lack of in-person interaction before marriage is part of the problem. You never really got a chance to know him (people can say anything and portray themselves anyway online that they choose to), and, war experience aside, he may be a very different person than you thought him to be. I'd go very slow at this point, especially with your son involved... Mr. Lucky
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