sadhubby Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 i served my wife with papers friday she initiated this by moving out and getting her own apt mind you. she calls me imediatley to tell me im a nasty man. now all along ive been trying to work on things asking for counsiling etc to no avail so the second weeknd i knew he came and stayed at her place i filed for the divorce. she tells me how hurtfull it was for me to put in all the stuff about her past cheating and the new internet freind. what not. so i dont call her,i get another call ill be at my mothers house tonight call me.so i call her and ask her to go to dinner with me shes says why would we do that ? i said so we could talk i took her to red lobster told her get anything you like and we got a bottle of wine.we talked about everything but my wife is a pathlogical liar i see this now from day one she has lied about evrything.i told her from here we can take two steps forward and not look back its her disicion. so the next morning i call and ask her to come buy i said how do you feel? she said ill sighn the papers wich i knew was already coming anyway.she is quite into the new internet guy.so we talk some more and she tells me this wich i could not fing believe.i didnt do this becuase of jhon aka internet man!! we are really just freinds in fact he is impotant!!! thats why his marriage didnt work his soon to be ex wife thought he was gay??? he has depression problems and is on medication wich makes the problem worse.she continued to tell me they just have lots in common, is why they talk on the phone all the time and he drives 4 hours one way from toronto to see her every weekend. my wife has dropped suttle hints here and there about if things change ,her feelings could change in time,and of course this whole thing is my fualt right the wayward spouse blame game ? i have been deflecting so much blame of my self im carrying around a sheild!!! now mind you my wife got 8 grand in her own credit card debt when she moved out can barely afford her apt.is compleatley broke willing to sighn the papers wich states she and i are resposible for our own debt im keeping the house!! i just have to give her a 99 monte carlo that i owe 2 grand on .for an IMPOTANT MAN!!! AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?? does she really think im stupid or could this possble be a freind??? acording to her the end of our marriage is so she can find who she is?? she doesnt like what she has become around me its not her etc. she told me we were happier when we had the apt. i looked at her and said do you think you actually would have been happy living in an apt for 7 years while all our freinds were buying houses? she has 6 grand in jewlery and she wanted it all wich i got for her here and there for birthdays, anniversarys,etc. now ive been made to feel like im a big smuck and when i bring up these things like when i got her a necklace she has the nerve to tell me i would have been happy with a 20 dollor pair of earings you got at sears?? well thats not what she was saying when we were in front of that jewlery case!! i guess what im getting at is my wife is a cheater and a liar.she cant deni the first affair becuase it is confirmed through a mutal freind of ours now 3 years of lies there unravelled. i caught the text messages from the second case to the old boyfreind wich im sure stopped that bootie call.so i think she figured i cant get away with it this time so ill just move out.and end our marriage she actually told me she would have rather legally seperated for a year and see other people and see how things went and if it changed in time maybe get back together. well i shut that down friday!! and she seems eager to end it now wich is probaly good for me im thinking if this guy is telling her he is impotant to make her get excited about when it wakes up he is really creepy and this will end bad for her after all in 3 months when she is completley broke and he doesnt want to see her anymore becuase its to much travel and he no longer is impotant.my divorce will be final in 28 days lol ahahaha anyone else find this amusing????
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 :lmao: I do!!! Basically you got the reigns now!!! You need to complete the divorce and move so far away from this woman. She is so toxic and immature! She wants to seperate for one year, get banged by other dudes, then come back??? WTF? That's alone is just plain insanity! She made her bed, she can rot in it!
redblack66 Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 sadhubby, Please use CAPITALS. It is very difficult to read your post. You did the right thing, I believe. And Baracuda is right, I believe.
Author sadhubby Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Sorry guys my mind tends to race a bit i am going through hell in this situation after all i did love this woman.For the first time in my life i have no christmas tree up i am completely alone!! My family lives 1400 miles away and she walked out on me thanksgiving day.Your replys are helping me feel better like i said ive been made to feel im all to blame and yes i did some dumb things but not like she is doin .
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Sadhubby, Read your post and I feel for you. Not an easy time. I, myself, have no Christmas spirit this year, but I'm going through with it anyway. I think the above posters are right. Proceed with the divorce and move on. There will be that special someone out there if you are receptive to her. What ever you learned in the marriage, please apply it to any new relationship that you encounter. If we don't learn or grow from our mistakes, then the experience was a waste. Post often and we'll try to lift your spirits....
PWSX3 Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 As for not having a tree, why? If this is something that you really wanted you could have done it. My buddy is single & he bought a Charlie Brown tree off the internet & it is really funny looking but it was something he wanted. As for your STBX there is nothing you can do to change that. When they are in that cloud of someone else it is like a drug. Yes the honeymoon will end for her & yes she will be trying to crawl back to you, why do you think she wants to keep you in the picture after the 5th or 6th guy doesn't work out? It takes two people to make a marriage work & it takes two people to wreck a marriage, but I feel only one person can't bring a broken marriage back together. She is trying to put all the quilt on you so it makes her feel better, it is really hard to blame yourself because if you do that then you have to do something about it but when you blame someone else that is all you do is blame them & there is nothing to have to fix. You are on the right track, keep bettering yourself & 6 months down the road you will be posting how much better things are. What your stbx is an addict right now, she has no idea what she is doing except to do things for me, me, me.... Yes you were "part" of the problem but it sounds like you took responsibility for your part & are working on it, good for you...... I wish you the best.
Nomad1 Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Sadhubby I feel for you man! Do you have a friend you can invite over for Christmas. Is there anyone you can visit or a place you can go where there are likely to be people who don't wish to spend Christmas on their own. How about doing some charitable work like working in a soup kitchen for homeless people (Yes remember there are people out there who are in a worse situation than you). Try to imagine what you would like your next Christmas to be like. Now hold on to that thought and realise that it will take dedication, desire and determination to get there. Now where do you start? Start with YOU. Indulge in self love. Treat yourself. Cook yourself a nice turkey. Play nice music, whatever your thing is, Opera, Jazz or Rock. Dance around the house like a Derbyshire until you get yourself into a transe. Say to yourse 'I am glad I am alive and I am healthy'. 'This is the first day of the rest of my life'. Spread some love around. Yes, love your wife unconditionally, despite what she has done to you. Show her that you are very happy and that you want her to be happy too. This way people will be drawn towards you and would want to share your happiness. Life is too short man, so be happy. You are human. There's a lot to be happy about! Take care Nomad1
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 acording to her the end of our marriage is so she can find who she is?? Oh, she will alright. One morning, she will wake up, look in the mirror and see exactly who she is. You would not be able to ask for better justice. Too bad you can't have a camera on her to see what happens when the bubble bursts, and she is hit with the full realization of the consequences of her actions. Expect her to try to worm her way back in. In cases like this, they often do. I'm sorry you are alone on Xmas. I still think it is preferable than being stuck in the situation you were before. Are there friends/neighbors/etc. you can go see? I can certainly understand if you want to hole up in your house though. I did that a lot too when I found myself single. This Xmas may suck, but make a resolution to try to turn things around by the next one. It will give you something to work toward.
Author sadhubby Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 thank you all !! you are saying the things i need to here especially when she tells me how happy she is now . I really have concern for her somewhat i guess thats normal.Shes taking a second job to make things flow wich just floors me becuase she hated working one job. and its as a waitress at dennys wich she hates being, she worked at redlobster and always felt degraded by that job.its like she has some new motivation ive never sceen before is this normal? im not sure she can keep it up for long work at the bank all day then waitress at night ??? its really not like her character maybe she sees the poophole she is in . But it is like she is in a cloud and nothing makes sense except what she wants to do .I think this will get to her eventually and thats when the bubble will pop. Can a marriage rikindle after something like this? when the other persons eyes are finaly opend? I do feel somewhat to blame for this becuas i married her when she was 21 she had a kid already,she is 28 and i am now 35 and she never had to do these kind of things before . but the internet man just doesnt make the sense here ?
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 thank you all !! you are saying the things i need to here especially when she tells me how happy she is now . I really have concern for her somewhat i guess thats normal.Shes taking a second job to make things flow wich just floors me becuase she hated working one job. and its as a waitress at dennys wich she hates being, she worked at redlobster and always felt degraded by that job.its like she has some new motivation ive never sceen before is this normal? im not sure she can keep it up for long work at the bank all day then waitress at night ??? its really not like her character maybe she sees the poophole she is in . But it is like she is in a cloud and nothing makes sense except what she wants to do .I think this will get to her eventually and thats when the bubble will pop. Can a marriage rikindle after something like this? when the other persons eyes are finaly opend? I do feel somewhat to blame for this becuas i married her when she was 21 she had a kid already,she is 28 and i am now 35 and she never had to do these kind of things before . but the internet man just doesnt make the sense here ? Look here man, Let the garbage go. The more you think about things the more you will never move on. Stop giving her power by talking about her. Change your phone number and limit your contac. Go out on dates, go buy some electronics, get a flat screen tv. Go get some new coochie, Go buy a jaguar and drive down the coast. The world is your oyster! BE happy that you didnt have any children with her, she's a horrible human being to abandon you when you needed her. One day she'll hit rock bottom but by then you just wont seem to care. Things do get better, but move on. Work through the issues and get to that moment of clarity.
Author sadhubby Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 you are right baracuda ,im harboring guilt i relize my wife has the low self esteem need to sleep with people syndrome and it really saddens me.The only person she really is hurting is her self and that is a painfull thing to know she is deystroying herself. She told me today that she thought about killing herself and i didnt understand that at first.But if i had to live with the guilt of knowing my husband was a good man and i held that secret inside myself for 3 years it would eat me up too. im thinking that this is a big part of why she finally left. This whole thing has really become a mind f,er i know if i lived a complete lie all around me eveyday i would go insane too. your right i should just stay away from her at this point .
joekurtz Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 you are right baracuda ,im harboring guilt i relize my wife has the low self esteem need to sleep with people syndrome and it really saddens me.The only person she really is hurting is her self and that is a painfull thing to know she is deystroying herself. She told me today that she thought about killing herself and i didnt understand that at first.But if i had to live with the guilt of knowing my husband was a good man and i held that secret inside myself for 3 years it would eat me up too. im thinking that this is a big part of why she finally left. This whole thing has really become a mind f,er i know if i lived a complete lie all around me eveyday i would go insane too. your right i should just stay away from her at this point . Wow, our wives & our situations sound awfully familiar. I too, am married to & separated from a woman that's a serial cheater, bases much of her identity on her ability to attract men & whom also has real issues with being truthful. Sucks, doesn't it? And the whole "he's just a friend" thing, WOW is that ever familiar! I heard that about our neighbor that she had a fling with back in '02 & I've heard that about each & every one of the guys that she's been involved with since we separated in '04. First there was Jerry, whom she moved from our place in Lockport to Lackawanna to be near, despite her claims that the move was supposedly just to "closer to her friends from work" at the time. He was a friend that just happened to sleep over there, in her bed, with her, every single night. That relationship lasted until she met this fellow by the name of Bill during a hospital stay in Buffalo in '06. After which, it was goodbye Jerry for the entirety of that nine month-er. And, although she originally tried to sell me hard on the whole "he's just a friend" thing with him too, he made it clear that things were ... "otherwise". Then came this past February, when Bill became history & hooked up with her new boyfriend Michael. Whom, once again, she told me was ( yep, you guessed it! ) "just a friend". But, once again, the guy had to made a big show of letting me know that their relationship was anything but platonic. But, since Mikey just happens to be a "recovering" crackhead who lives in a halfway house & apparently has issues with providing clean urine samples every so often, he doesn't have a whole lot of frredom to come & go as he chooses. So, when he's otherwise occupied, Jerry comes back around. In fact, he's once again, spending pretty much every night at her place again. But, ( wait for it ... ) YEP, "he's just a friend"! I really haven't figured out her issue with ol' Jerry. Even though she's been on & off with him for almost four bloody years now, she STILL won't admit to ever having slept with him. Not to me anyhow. Too bad she wasn't "gal pals" with your wife, she could borrow the "he's impotent" excuse. Gotta give her credit, THAT'S a good one! Sure, this dude drives four hours to see her just for the conversation & her understanding ways. Right! How old is this guy BTW? I mean, I'm 46 & ever since my separation I've been on the highest dose of Paxil that's allowed, as well as three different drugs to keep my blood pressure as close to normal as possible, but guess what? I'm anything BUT impotent. Now certainly, each individual is different, but IMHO, someone's trying to sell you a bill of goods regarding his supposed "condition" my friend. I'm on my own this Holiday season too buddy, it's depressing & boring as hell, but you'll get through it. Peace.
Author sadhubby Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 No worrys she sighned the papers today!! let me tell ya how it all went down i dropped off the rest of her stuff at her apt today!! Well i know it was wrong but i had to snoop and guess what i found a nice card from him telling her how he feels hes started a new chapter in his life and how much he loves her.And the weird thing was there were like 50 pages of msn conversation the two had between each other printed out saying crap like the only reason i log in now is to talk to you,and from this night on we will use the code ?? I saw enough and put it down. she doesnt have a computer over there now and no printer so why would she have this? So i pick her up and i dont bring any of that stuff up she sighns the documents, we talk a bit and she tells me that she was watching the dog whispere today and the lady was saying when a dog jumps into your face and licks you, you think its being cute but its not its trying to dominate you.And this is how our relationship is and i dont want to be dominated anymore??? I told her if you dont want to be dominated by me than i want you to be honest with me.She didnt say a word just looked at me. Ive seen the way this guy is talking to her, and frankley she is a puppet and he is pulling all the strings shes to stupid to see it or doesnt care anyway whatever.The only thing i can say at this point for the rest of her life if she ever relizes what she had she will never forget it on christmas.It just blows my mind im thankfull i got off so easy she even said i could keep the tax money this year to finish paying off her car, and hand wrote that in the document and intialed it. All she had to say to me was i really hope we can be freinds and i said why she said becuase im a good person??
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