Wife thinks I don't need her for anything...big problem

[MrsHellnoFire]

So she's upset you don't need the potatoes and string beans she cooks and therefore do not need her or love her. It seems she does NOT KNOW HOW to express her love any other way than shopping and cooking for you and is upset you don't appreciate that. Some people are not really good at expressing their love in words and she is just doing it the EASIEST way she knows how, but this is just ridiculous. She sounds like a stay home wife as well? Is it possible that through her cooking and shopping, she feels like she's contributing something to the marriage and therefore feels better about her self-worth. She needs a hobby or a job to help boost the value of herself. She sounds like a shell of a woman who feels somewhat worthless.

[brainless twit]

I apologize; I didn't read all the replies. I just wanted to reply because I had a similar conversation with my husband.

 

When I finished my master's degree, he was horribly upset because he felt like I didn't need him any more. It caused a lot of problems for us. You know what I told him? To me, the fact that I'm with him and don't need him is a good thing. I'm not stuck in my marriage because of finances or because I need to be taken care of - I'm here because I *choose* this life with him and because I want him living beside me, not tidying up behind me or propping me up. To know that I could walk away any time and handle things myself should be a great compliment to him!

 

I would think the same angle may help your wife see your point of view. So what if you don't need her? You want her, and that's an awesome thing. Love is not about what someone can do for you; it's about how they make you feel about yourself and vice versa.

 

I will also second (or third?) the suggestion about The Five Love Languages. This book was a good conversation starter for my husband and me.