SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Yes how was it? I don't think the messages from that day are ever comming back!
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Phoenix, There was a note yesterday on here that alot of the posts from Saturday were permanently lost and unable to be recovered. Unfortunately, I don't think any of ours from Saturday will be coming back. Please, give us an update. I think most of us remember the story line. Glad to hear you survived..lol.. awww schucks....there were some good posts from Saturday.
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 25, 2007 Author Posted December 25, 2007 Let's pick up from Friday...we firm up date details....movie, time, location...this is where we were going to meet. He said to me "got it", but I have to run sweetie, my boss (Dean or President of College) and I are going to lunch then driving up state for some yack yack yack..(that's all I heard). Later that evening I check my email and there's a message from him which reads..."Saturday is going to be special". (Remember from earlier posts his game is weak) I say to myself, OK we are still a go for Saturday.. Now it's Saturday...I spent all morning getting ready...get to movie theater at designated time and wait......wait some more...wait a little more.....ding ding ding...wtf...he's standing me up. Thus, I survived the date because there was no date. In my best calm, and sexy voice I call him, knowing if he sensed any hostility he would not return my call. My message was "Hey...are we still on for a movie and dinner"? Within 30 mins of me arriving home, he calls...sounding up beat and happy. First words are..."I'm so sorry". "Last night was crazy...my boss and I went up state and ended up staying there. What an ordeal." Me say (in my calmest voice) really..."care to share it with me?" He begins to tell me this tall tale of how they ended up at some tavern, met a guy they knew, had too much to drink, this guy drove his truck in a ditch, could not get it out, stayed over night, slept on the couch, just got home 2:30 Saturday. But it was all worth it because he really bonded with his Dean, or President. I listened...not adding much. He said to me...you must be really pissed. I said no, you pulled a no show, no call....I'm disappointed. But you called now and explain everything. He said to me..You are incredible, too good to be true...most girls wouldn't handle this as well as you. He attempts to salvage the rest of the day by asking what I have planned. I told him I had mad reservation at a restuarant that had a fireplace, and requested that we have a seating with the best view. He said to me fireplace...hmm, but not at your house? Ugh! My reply was it's a compromise. He promised up and down to make it up to me....but once again all I heard was....yack...yack...yack! Anyway...I had no intentions on trying to see him at this point. I wrapped up the conversation by saying your story sounds too fantastic to be true, and if it is...I'm sure you would want to get some rest from your oddessy. Take care and bye! My interest in this guy has plummeted from a 6 or 7 to a (-1).
compassion42 Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Phoenix, Thanks for taking the time to re-post from saturday. That's really too bad that things worked out as they did. I can't help but wonder if even though he did a pretty crappy thing by not showing/calling-perhaps he also did you a favor. He doesn't sound like he is together enough for you!
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 So did you ask him if the dean was a blond or red head? lol. Honestly when I read that I see cheater written all over it. He dident ring you cause he couldent and not cause of the "dean" eather how lame. Good on you for not falling for it. I bet hes one of those who hook up all over the internet! Yukkk
dunstable Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 (edited) It's a huge danger signal that the guy would even suggest such a thing for the first date. Any normal guy wants the woman to feel safe on the first date. Edited December 25, 2007 by dunstable
Jilly Bean Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 So did you ask him if the dean was a blond or red head? lol. Honestly when I read that I see cheater written all over it. He dident ring you cause he couldent and not cause of the "dean" eather how lame. Good on you for not falling for it. I bet hes one of those who hook up all over the internet! Yukkk Agreed. Phoenix, you have no idea how the Universe has spared you. Separately, there were some great life lessons in all of this for you, so I really hope you take the time to embrace them. Then this time will not have been ill-spent.
shockandawed Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Phoenix, WOW! I anticipated you having trouble ending the date and getting him to go away, not a somewhat blowoff. Who knows the reasons or how much of his story is really true, but the bottom line is he is a whacko in some manner. Remember when I said a normal guy and a psycho killer would have been long gone? Well that leaves the strange people. Jilly is so right Phoenix, please try to view this as a learning experience. I was hard on you for playing around with this guy for 2 months without showing your picture. Hopefully, instead of justifying why you should not try to meet people, you will see why we think you should have nipped this in the bud earlier. I get the impression, and feel free to correct me anywhere I am wrong, that you are a little insecure with your appearance or dating abilities. Your date sounded like you put a lot of thought into it, but it was a bunch for a first meeting. I think you dragged this along because you enjoyed the attention and you thought maybe if it went long enough, he would be emotionally vested in you. The problem is it delayed you seeing his true colors for a couple of months. I am not advocating jumping in and meeting people immediately, but I do think you should not be afraid to speed things up a bit. Why spend a considerable amount of time and energy talking with someone when you aren't getting a true sense of who they are. Look back, all the conversations you had with this guy would have never led you to believe he was like this. Two months of talking and you never knew him. Chemistry is either there when you meet or it isn't. I have had several people where we talked and IMed up a storm but when we met, nothing, and the one I am seeing now, we had a few IMs and one short call, but when we met, there was chemistry. I think you should keep meeting people, it sounds like inside that is what you want to do. Be smart and use common sense. Be yourself above all else, show who you are, interests, appearance, etc..once you have established an interest in someone. Ask questions which will help you determine if this guy is legitimate. I would suggest a timeframe of roughly two weeks of IMing and talking before you meet. As we told you before, meet in public places and keep it relatively short. Lunch is my favorite because it can be casual and there is already the predetermined ending time. You don't have the akward situation where one wants it to end and the other is jockeying for an invite over. A quick lunch with little pressure is a perfect way to gauge whether there is mutual interest in actually having a date. Hang in there Phoenix, at least you found out he was a putz before you actually had to endure an evening with him.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 What a complete douche-bag. Yeah, like he couldn't call you from the road on his supposed way back home that day, right? I won't even go into the fact that this slime-bucket was angling to get you alone in your house. He's probably married, anyway. Loser.
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 I thought he understood my blow off. I'm confused by his contact. History: Last spoke on phone last Saturday. He e-mailed my on Christmas day and writes: Hello Phoenix, Merry Christmas....and signs it "me". No contact Tues, Wed, Thurs. He IM me today, "buzz" then ask "you there". I say "Hi" then he writes "Take care" and signs off. Was this his attempt to blow me off. He's a little late since I totally blew him off after his "no show" last week. Why the contact at all?
Phateless Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 My saga began with Online Dating no pic...then sent pic....he likes...great. We just firmed up plans for date on Saturday....early movie, dinner, drinks....good so far, but he wants to end the night at my house sitting by the fireplace cuddling...so he says. Sounds romantic, and it is what I want, but just not on the first date. This is our first face to face meeting, and I'm not comfortable bringing someone I just met for the first home. Am I being a prude. How can I tell him my feelings without ruining everything? It took us so long to get to this point. What's so complicated? Tell him outright that his idea sounds great for a future date but you don't want to move that fast. Be straight with him. Transparent excuses only lead to ambiguity and more problems. Trust that the man you picked out is secure and mature enough to handle the truth. If he can't handle a simple truth like that, maybe he's not mature enough to handle you.
Phateless Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 As a guy, if I've been talking to a girl for 2+ months online, and we finally meet, I'm probably going to expect more than a quick coffee. Phoenix, what are your timelines? It sounds like you want to go really really slow, and that is fine, it's just that few men will share your timetable. And I am not talking about sex. I can guarantee you that if I had been talking to a girl every day for over 2 months, I'm going to make a move on her when I see her. You don't need to accelerate anything, especially not in the bedroom. Do what you feel is comfortable through all phases of dating. But most men, after spending HOURS investing in a woman, will expect quality AND quantity time. This is why I advise 3-5 emails, maybe a brief phonecall to set up the logistics of a face to face meeting, where you meet for a brief amount of time (1 hour) and arrive and leave via your own transportation at a very public place. If that pace is something you are not comfortable with, that is fine, but it is the pace that most online daters are accustomed too. I for one wouldn't talk to someone online every day for > 2 months -- if they weren't willing to meet after 2-3 weeks I'd assume they lacked interest -- and if I did talk to them that intensely for that long, I would expect the evening to end with a snog. Completely agree! Virtual reps to you, oppath.
Jilly Bean Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 No, it's not a blow-off - lol. You're still misreading this guy. And didn't he blow you off when he stood you up? (the cad!). It's like yelling "I quit" after you've been fired - lol. He is contacting you because he still wants to play with you. What he is basically saying is that he has no more respect for you today, than he did before or during the time he stood you up and blew you off. He probably has little respect for any of the women in his life, if that is any consolation. Block his IM and his email and move on already. Not even worth a second thought.
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 No, it's not a blow-off - lol. You're still misreading this guy. And didn't he blow you off when he stood you up? (the cad!). It's like yelling "I quit" after you've been fired - lol. He is contacting you because he still wants to play with you. What he is basically saying is that he has no more respect for you today, than he did before or during the time he stood you up and blew you off. He probably has little respect for any of the women in his life, if that is any consolation. Block his IM and his email and move on already. Not even worth a second thought. Hmmm...so it's like he's trying to have the last word? Is that what you are saying? Yes, he blew me off with his "no show" and I returned the favor with my parting words to him...so why the continued limited contact?
Phateless Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Hmmm...so it's like he's trying to have the last word? Is that what you are saying? Yes, he blew me off with his "no show" and I returned the favor with my parting words to him...so why the continued limited contact? Some people don't know what they want... at least you learned a lot about online dating.
Jilly Bean Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Pho - he's feeling you out to see if you would still engage with him. For what purpose - who knows. He's a pig, though, I think you know that, so his motives are really irrelevant. Or, they SHOULD be to you.
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 He is contacting you because he still wants to play with you. Yeap, dead on. He's probably the kind of guy who needs women to pine for him. If you keep playing, he'll keep reeling you in.
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